


Stephanie Mallow and the Halting Elixir

by jm2cloud



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bullying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Identity, Gender Issues, Gender or Sex Swap, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Genderfluid, Humiliation, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Just using the universe, Lesbian Character, Panic Attacks, Platonic Romance, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Transgender, Transgender Discussion, Transitioning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-22
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2018-06-03 17:24:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 71,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6619627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jm2cloud/pseuds/jm2cloud
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stephanie Mallow, aged 11, wants desperately to be a normal girl. But when a professor turns up at her house and tells her she's a wizard (yes, wizard) she discovers that maybe she could instead be an extraordinary girl. Follow Stephanie through her journey of self discovery, her trials, her pitfalls, and her friendships as she learns what it means to be a witch.</p><p>(Now with fan art by the amazing fastwithspirit! https://www.instagram.com/p/BKUpA5ygOA0/ )</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first G rated fanfic I've written in years, and the first I've published under my own name since I was 15. I'm not the biggest Potterhead, so errors will happen. Please be kind, but don't hesitate to give concrit, it's always welcome.

Stephanie Mallow lazed under a tree, reading a comic book. It was one of her favorites, about the time Batman accidentally took out the entire League when someone stole his failsafes. She’d read it a dozen times, but it was certainly better than running around like mad in the already scorching June heat, whatever Mum might say. And, in response to her parent’s frequent exhortations to get more exercise, she always looked down at her skinny frame and grinned, saying “What, you want me to float away?”

 

So, while she had to be outside, there was nothing that said she couldn’t sit quietly, far away from the other children.

 

“Trevor!”

 

Stephanie winced. 

 

“Trevor, come inside, there someone to see you!”

 

“What’s my name again, mum?” she called out.

 

“Whatever your name is this week, you’d best get the body attached to it  _ in this house _ !”

 

That was unfair. She’d been Stephanie for over a year now.

 

“I’m counting! Ten! Nine! Eight!”

 

Right. Best get on with it. Choose your battles and all that.

 

She speed walked into the house, arriving as her mother called out, “Two!”

 

“There you are. Sit.”

 

Stephanie sat down, giving her mother her best attempt at a withering glare. Given her cherubic features, it was mildly more threatening than being glared at by a dishrag, but only just. 

 

“This is Mr.- sorry, Professor Neville Longbottom.”

 

Stephanie turned to look at the man and momentarily forgot to be angry at her mother. The man sitting on the couch was without any doubt the worst dressed person she’d ever seen. He wore violently yellow corduroy pants, wing tipped blue shoes, a paisley leisure jacket, a bright red shirt, a string tie, and a cowboy hat. And the hat was purple. 

 

“Pleasure to meet you?”

 

He gave her a friendly nod, and she grinned a little. Despite his ridiculous clothes, he had a self assured, friendly demeanor, though he seemed slightly distracted. She had a sudden vision of him making a grocery list out loud as he got dressed, and then wandering out of the house without encountering a mirror. 

 

“Now, I’m a little shaky on this, but would you mind running through that again?”

 

“I’m from Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry,” he began.

 

Stephanie blinked. “From what?”

 

The professor blinked back, apparently not accustomed to being interrupted. “Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It’s a wizard school.”

 

Her eyes narrowed. “Right...like stage magic, or something?”

 

Longbottom sighed. He reached into his offensive coat and pulled out a slim stick. “Brace yourself.  _ Wingardium Leviosa _ .”

 

Stephanie yelped as she found herself suddenly hovering three feet above the couch. 

 

“Or something,” he said with a small smile. Longbottom gestured with his stick and she floated back down.

 

He waited a moment, and then winked. “Your mouth’s hanging open.”

 

She closed it. 

 

“Now, to get right to it, you’re a wizard. A muggleborn; that is, a magical child of non-magical parents. How would you like to learn to do magic?”

 

Stephanie turned and stared at her mother. Mum chuckled. “Should have seen my face when he levitated the coffee table.”

 

“I...uh...yeah. Yeah, that’d be brilliant!”

 

Longbottom nodded, eyes twinkling. He tapped a parcel of papers on the coffee table. “Everything’s in here, including supply lists and where to get them, as well as how to get there and such. We’d appreciate it if you kept this quiet. We have rules about who can know these things.”

 

Stephanie nodded, mouth dry. A thought occurred to her, and she hesitated. “Uh. Mum...can we...I mean...it’s a private school…”

 

Mum chuckled. “It’s tuition free, and the supplies are well within our budget if we’re careful.”

 

Stephanie grinned. “Can I?”

 

“Yes, sweetie, you can.”

 

Stephanie leapt off the couch and danced around wildly for a minute. 

 

Longbottom stood up, straightening his jacket. He stuck out his hand  to her and smiled. “I look forward to seeing you come September, Trevor.”

 

“Stephanie,” she corrected without thinking, as she took his hand. They both froze and she heard Mum sigh.

 

“That’s...an unusual name for a boy,” Longbottom said, head cocked to one side. 

 

“I’m...umm...I’m not…” Her voice grew smaller as Mum buried her face in her hands and Longbottom continued to stare at her in polite interest.  “I’mnotaboy.”

 

“Oh. Huh. Odd for the records to have made an error like that.”

 

Her face flamed. “Noooo...more like God made an error.”

 

Longbottom frowned. “What...oh! Oh, ah...I see. Ahhh...um...You’ll need to talk to the Headmistress about that then. I’ll try and get it set up. Expect an owl.”

 

He gave her hand another firm shake, and started for the door. Mum hurried to show him out. Stephanie sank onto the couch and covered her face. Lovely. “Hey, there’s magic and we’d like to teach you! Oh, excellent, let me just pack up my hell and take it with me to a school filled with people who can hurt me from across the room in secret, using skills I didn’t know existed until five minutes ago,” she muttered into her hands.

 

“Incidentally,” came Longbottom’s voice.

 

She looked, fighting off the sniffles, to see him poking his head around the corner.

 

“That would make you a witch, not a wizard,” he said. 

 

“What?”

 

“Boys are wizards, girls are witches. So you’d be a witch.”

 

He gave her a reassuring nod, and then vanished around the corner, leaving her with a sudden warmth in her chest. 

 

“I’m a witch,” she whispered. And then she started giggling and couldn’t stop.

 

Mum came around the corner a moment later and sat down next to her, waiting for her to calm down. When she’d finally gotten through the worst of the giggles, Mum pulled her into a hug. 

 

“Well, it looks like you’re going to have to live with it,” she said with a sigh.

 

Stephanie swallowed down an angry retort, warmth turning to ashes on her tongue. 

 

“Mum…”

 

“I know, I know...Stephanie, is it, then?”

 

She blinked. “Um, yeah.”

 

“Like gran?”

 

She nodded. Her throat felt close for an entirely different reason. Her mum had never actually used her chosen name. Her real name. Not in the year she’d had it.

 

“Well, you could have chosen something worse, I suppose. I thought you were going to stick with Starshine for a worrying time there.”

 

Stephanie rolled her eyes. “I was five, mum.”

 

“You were eight.”

 

“No, that was Tiffany. And Druella. And Jynx.”

 

Mum chuckled. “How long have you been Stephanie?”

 

“All my life,” she whispered. “It just took me a bit to get the name right.”

 

Mum pulled back, and Stephanie was startled to see she was crying. She stared at her for a moment, and then pulled her into a crushing hug.  “Anyone so much as looks at you funny, you call me and Uncle Evan will be right round to give them a sound thrashing, you understand?”

 

Stephanie thought of the various bullies she’d dealt with when her unusual choices of names came out, and shivered. “Mum?”

 

“Yes, sweetie?” 

 

“Why now?”

 

Mum jerked. “I...I was hoping you’d grow out of it. The world isn’t a very nice place for bo...girls who are different.”

 

Stephanie snorted. “Think I’ve found that one already, mum.”

 

Mum sighed. “I know. And I’m sorry. I shouldn’t...I just want you to be safe.”

 

Stephanie pulled back gently. “But...why now?”

 

“The way you introduced yourself to that man. It was reflex, just...so matter of fact. And I figure, if you can be thrown into an entirely different world and still be...you, without thinking, then it’s not likely to change by wishing.”

 

Stephanie flicked her on the forehead, lightly. “Only been telling you since I was three, mum.”

 

Mum gave her a wry grin. “Don’t get sassy with me, little ma-little miss. Or I won’t take you for kebobs to celebrate.”

 

Stephanie grinned and formed a halo over her head with her hands. 

 

“That’s better. Just let me wash up, and we’ll be going.”

 

~~~~~~~

 

It hadn’t been all sunshine and roses the last few weeks. Stephanie had caught Mum crying quietly more than once, staring at school pictures, or folding laundry. And she’d used her wrong name a handful of times without meaning to, which was actually much worse, she discovered, after hearing the right one. But they’d soldiered on together, Mum doing her best to make the switch, and Stephanie not calling her out on her mistakes unless she didn’t notice, which was rare. One bright spot had been when Mum had got a bonus from work and had surprised her by taking her clothes shopping. It was thrift shop wear, and she actually preferred jeans to be honest, but the few skirts she bought, she wore in rotation for a two weeks straight, just for the joy of wearing them. 

 

Frankly, she almost didn’t care if the whole witch thing had been some sort of elaborate prank, as she began to suspect as the weeks went by. Mum had let her read the letter, and hidden streets that were only accessible through invisible taverns struck her as a good way of sending people on wild goose chases. 

 

And that was when the owl appeared. 

 

Stephanie was sitting on the front porch reading when the big bird landed beside her, startling her into a shriek. The bird blinked at her in a vaguely offended manner and spat out a large envelope. 

 

“Is...is that for me?”

 

The owl hooted, and hopped to the end of the bench, before staring at her quizzically.

 

Stephanie picked up the letter with trembling hands, and turned it over. It read, 

 

Ms. E. Mallow

10 Goodwood Cl 

Newcastle upon Tyne 

Tyne and Wear

 

It was handwritten in a small, neat script in luminous green ink. Stephanie swallowed and turned the letter over again, to find an actual wax seal holding it closed. 

 

“Mum! You’ve got a letter from the school!”

 

She darted into the house. “Mum, you got-” Mum held up a hand, and turned back to her computer. She worked from home doing technical writing, and she was currently absorbed in some esoteric bit of software. Stephanie stood bouncing impatiently beside her mother while she waited for her to finish what she was doing on the computer. 

 

Mum sat back, stretched, and turned to her with a grin. “Now, what?”

 

She thrust the letter out. “You’ve got a letter from the school!”

 

Mum looked at it over her reading glasses, and then took it gingerly. “They don’t do things by halves,” she said softly, turning it over and spotting the thick wax seal. She fetched a letter opener off her desk and slit the envelope open before pulling out the letter inside it. Stephanie shot round behind her to read over her shoulder, drawing her an amused look from her mum, who held the letter to her chest. 

 

“It’s not polite to read over shoulders, Stephy.”

 

Stephanie grinned. “ _ Muuuuuuum _ …”

 

“Fine. Just this once.” She unfolded the letter and they read together:

 

_ Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry _

_ Headmistress Minerva McGonagall _

 

_ Ms. Mallow, _

 

_ I hope this letter finds you in good health. It has been brought to my attention by one of my professors, Professor Longbottom, that your daughter has been mislabelled as a son for certain reasons of a physical nature. I would like to meet to discuss what accommodations can be made to correct this oversight, insofar as it is possible to be corrected administratively.  _

 

_ If it is convenient, I should like to meet with you on 17 July at 2 p.m. at the Leaky Cauldron.  _

 

_ I await your owl. _

 

_ Sincerely, _

 

_ Minerva McGonagall, Headmistress _

_ Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry _

 

“Hmm...that’s the day after tomorrow. And it’ll mean a trip to London.” Mum tapped the letter thoughtfully as Stephanie vibrated gently in place. “Well, we need to pick up your school supplies sometime, and I think we’ve saved enough. Alright, then.” Mum frowned. “Where am I supposed to find an owl?”

 

Stephanie frowned. “One mo.”

 

She ran back out onto the front porch, and sure enough, the owl was still sitting there. She glanced around. “Well, come inside, then. Can’t have the neighbors asking about you.”

 

The owl leapt into the air and she let out a startled squeak as it settled on her shoulder, claws grazing her skin lightly. She took a deep breath and headed back inside. 

 

Mum stared at the ball of feathers and talons sitting on her shoulder. “The owl. Waited.”

 

“Apparently.”

 

Mum rubbed the bridge of her nose. “That’s actually a bit more startling than watching you float in the air, somehow. Think it’s rude to send a printed message?”

 

“I...why would it be?”

 

“Good point.”

 

Mum turned back to the computer and dashed off a quick message. After a moment’s thought, she switched the font to a curly handwriting style that had lots of loops and whorls. She printed it, stuck it in an envelope, and addressed it to Headmistress McGonagall, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. She held it out to the owl, who accepted it, and then took off. 

 

~~~~~~

 

Stephanie stood nervously on the sidewalk, hunting for where they were supposed to go. The directions had been good, but neither she nor Mum had any head for directions, and the GPS had laughed at them when they’d put in the address. 

 

She was dressed up for the occasion, wearing what she hoped was appropriate clothes for meeting the Headmistress of a magical school. A short, pleated navy skirt, a white shirt, a little denim jacket (which she was starting to regret in the heat) and her new favorite shoes, a pair of white and black Mary Janes topped by socks that exploded into little ruffles of lace around her ankles. She felt feminine, pretty, and an absolute wreck as the time for their meeting crept closer without any sign of the bloody place.

 

Mum looked up from her map, frustration evident on her face. “I think we’re going about this wrong.”

 

“Mum?” Stephanie frowned quizzically.

 

“It says it should be around here. Right here, in fact.”

 

“I know, Mum. Maybe it was all a joke after all.”

 

“No...didn’t the letter say that unmagical people couldn’t see it?”

 

Stephanie blinked. “Yeah…”

 

Mum grinned and thwapped herself on the forehead. “Sweetie, do Mummy a favor and start at that end of the street,” she pointed, “and describe every business you see one at a time.”

 

Stephanie blinked. “Um...flower shop, coffee shop, clothes shop, restaurant...wait…” She frowned and counted them off again, and realized she was skipping one. She stared at it for a moment, and it just appeared, like a steno image popping into focus when you got your eyes just right. 

 

“Found it!”

 

Mum laughed. “Good. Now take my hand and get us there, because I still have no idea where it is.”

Stephanie led Mum across the street and into the building.. As they walked up to it, Mum made an uncomfortable sound in her throat as they walked in the door, and then stumbled back against the lintel. “Jesus!”

 

Stephanie jumped. “What?”

 

“From my perspective, we just walked through a wall.”

 

It finally clicked. “Because you’re not magical…”

 

“Right. Now, where-”

 

A somewhat ugly man stepped around the bar, squinting at them. “You’d be the student and lady here to see Professor McGonagall, then?”

 

Mum tried not to stare. “Yes.”

 

“Follow me, please.”

 

He led them up a flight of stairs to a small room, and opened the door. They stepped in to find a pair of chairs, a desk, and a woman sitting behind the desk. She was old, but she sat up straight and proper, and her robes were a flowing emerald green. She radiated poise, from the tight bun atop her head, to the squared off spectacles on the tip of her nose, to her hands folded primly on the desk in front of her. 

 

“Thank you, Tom. You may go.”

 

The man bowed and stepped back out the door, closing it behind him, leaving them with a woman who looked every inch the witch.

 

She stood and made her way around the desk, seeming to glide across the floor. “Good afternoon. I’m Minerva McGonagall.”

 

Mum shook her hand. “Ellie Mallow. And this is Stephanie.”

 

Stephanie took a deep breath and sketched a curtsey, having looked it up online and spent a few hours practising.

 

Professor McGonagall’s eyebrow twitched. “You have excellent manners, young lady. Please,” she said, waving to the chairs in front of the desk, “sit. Would you like some tea?”

 

“Yes, thanks,” Mum said. Stephanie managed a nod. The witch sat, produced a wand, as Stephanie learned they were called, and flicked it at the tea tray sitting next to the desk. Stephanie barely managed to keep her eyes in her head as the tea served itself, and the cups floated over to rest on the desk in front of them. 

 

“Now then,” McGonagall said, sitting back with her teacup. “I understand that we have a somewhat delicate situation.”

 

Stephanie hesitated, and then quietly said, “Pardon, miss, but can’t you just…” she made a flicking gesture with her hand, like a wand waving.

 

McGonagall winced. “Not...well, no. I’m very sorry if that’s what you’ve thought, but there’s not a simple way to remedy this.”

 

“Oh.”

 

Mum tapped the rim of her saucer quietly for a moment. “Is there a way at all?”

 

McGonagall sighed. “My deepest apologies if you’ve been mislead, but I had hoped to discuss ways of managing the situation. The magics that could repair it aren’t complete, nor lasting, nor should they be used on a child without a great deal of care.”

 

Stephanie’s eyes burned. “Oh,” she whispered in a small voice.

 

The witch shifted uncomfortably. “There are certain steps that can be taken to alleviate it, however,” she said carefully.

 

Mum raised her hand. “I understand it’s not what you came to discuss, but…” She glanced at Stephanie’s crumpled face.

 

McGonagall nodded and set down her tea. “Very well. It’s not my area of expertise, you understand. What you want is a Healer.”

 

Mum nodded back.

 

“There are certain potions, I understand, that can effect the change for a limited period of time. I believe, though I may be mistaken, that they can be used with some frequency with no ill effects by adults. I’m uncertain how they would affect a child, however. There is also combinations of spells and potions that may be used to achieve cosmetic changes, although,” she cleared her throat, “the actual,  _ physical _ sex isn’t affected.”

 

Stephanie sank lower into her chair. “So I can only look like a girl, not actually be one.”

 

McGonagall winced. “Again, I simply don’t know enough to give you a complete answer. A Healer may have options to offer you that I don’t. But...without the supervision of a skilled Healer, yes. That is my understanding.”

 

Stephanie closed her eyes, fighting down the tears pricking at them. “Um...may I be excused for a moment, please?”

 

McGonagall nodded, her face gentle and tinged with sadness. “Of course, my dear. I’ll just step into the hall.”

 

She managed to hold it together until she heard the door close, and then collapsed into a heap of wracking sobs. Mum knelt down next to her and held her close as she cried, unable to stop. So close! She thought it would be...well she hadn’t let herself really think about it, but...somehow, she’d come to the belief that she would walk out of this meeting a girl, for real and true. To find out that it might not even be possible with  _ magic!  _

 

After twenty minutes, she settled down into hiccuping and Mum gave her a gentle squeeze. “Are you ok to go on?”

 

Stephanie nodded, sniffling. 

 

Mum gave her a searching look. “Only if you’re sure.”

 

She managed a small smile. “It’s...it’s not the end of the world. I can still learn magic. And...there’s always the, um, not magic way.”

 

Mum twitched. She’d been doing her research over the last month, and she’d privately hoped for a magical solution as well. Hormones and surgery were not what she wanted for her daughter, but if that’s what it took…

 

She ruffled her hair and gave her a kiss on the forehead. “I’m going to go and bring her back now, ok?”

 

Stephanie gave her a thumbs up and a weak smile. As Mum turned to fetch the professor, she reached forward and scooped up her tea with shaky hands. She took a bracing gulp of the thankfully strong stuff, and tried her best to look composed.

 

McGonagall came back in and placed a hand on her shoulder. She looked up into the woman’s piercing eyes for a moment, transfixed. The professor gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze. “I’m sorry I can’t be more help, my dear.” She reached into her robe and pulled out a rolled up parchment. “I know it isn’t what you hoped for, but this is a list of Healers that have taken cases like yours in the past. They’re discreet, skilled, and with any luck, they’ll be able to give you a better idea of what you can try.”

 

Mum accepted the scroll with a nod of thanks. 

 

McGonagall leaned on her desk, a pensive look on her face. “I’m equally sorry, but there’s a number of things we do need to discuss, at least one of them unpleasant.”

 

Stephanie took another bracing gulp of tea, and set her cup down, clenching her hands in her lap. “I...I’m ready.”

 

The witch gave her a searching look, and then gave a brisk nod. “First, I need to be clear: using magic on yourself is often dangerous, especially to change your form. It’s called transfiguration, and you will learn how. But!”

 

Stephanie realized where this was going, and nodded. “I’m not to try it.”

 

McGonagall nodded. “Please understand, it’s for your safety. If you are ever tempted, speak to a professor. Better yet, speak to Madam Pomfrey, or her assistant, Madam Hinze. They are both skilled Healers, and if you’ve truly stumbled on a way to safely accomplish it, they’ll be able to judge it best.”

 

“Second, there are, as I’ve already mentioned, potions that can temporarily effect the change.”

 

“And I’m not to use them, either,” Stephanie said, a slightly hysterical hiccup escaping her. 

 

“No, you may use them under supervision of a Healer, if you so choose, if your mother consents,  and if it is deemed safe,” McGonagall said with a smile. Her smile vanished as she leaned forward. “You are not to attempt to  _ brew  _ them, not even if a Healer will not give you permission to use them. Especially if a Healer will not give you permission. Potions are tricky, and the last thing you want to do is accidentally poison yourself.”

 

Stephanie nodded, stomach churning. Two months ago, she would have agreed that accidentally poisoning herself sounded terrible. Now... 

 

Mum caught the look on her face and grabbed her chin, turning her face to look into her eyes. “ _ No _ , young lady. If I find out you’re making your own medicine, I  _ will _ pull you out of school. Understood?”

 

Stephanie nodded miserably. 

 

McGonagall hesitated, and then sighed. “Now, a dose of good news with the bad.”

 

Stephanie managed a small smile. “That was the bad?”

 

“No, but I thought you could use some good news to cushion it,” the professor said, with a small smile. 

 

She shivered. The bad news must be pretty terrible. 

 

“There are a number of potions, perfectly safe, that you can use for cosmetic effect. For instance, if you wished to grow out or color your hair, you could. There are a number of perfectly safe charms and talismans that can mask your...unwanted anatomy, if you so choose. It’s a bit unusual for a child to use a Glamour like that, but it’s not harmful by any means. With a bit of preparation, there’s no reason for anyone to ever discover that you are anything more or less than an ordinary, biological girl.”

 

She hesitated. “Would I…?”

 

McGonagall smiled. “Only by touch, and even then, there are particularly powerful, though expensive, charms that could hide it even then. To your own eyes, you would appear outwardly as you choose to.”

 

Stephanie fought the urge to hyperventilate. It wasn’t perfect, but...she never had to see it again! She could look in the mirror naked without wanting to scream! She could look...normal!

 

Mum put a steadying hand on her shoulder. “Would you mind telling us where we can get them?”

 

“I’ve taken the liberty of writing it down on that parchment I passed you earlier,” McGonagall said with a small smile.

 

“Thank you,” Mum said, her tone loaded with emotion. 

 

McGonagall nodded. “Now...the unpleasant news.”

 

Stephanie held up a hand, grabbed her teacup, and drained it. “Ok. I’m ready.”

 

The witch’s smile turned bitter. “No, but…” She reached into her robe and pulled out a small locket, dangling from a silver chain. “You will need to wear this, essentially at all times. You won’t need it all the time, but it’s best that you don’t take it off so that you don’t forget or misplace it. If it’s damaged or lost...come find me or Madam Pomfrey, or Madam Hinze immediately and request another. If it’s misplaced while you are in your dorm, send someone for one of us.”

 

Stephanie took the glittering locket like it was a bomb. She didn’t want to...she had to know. “Why?” she whispered.

 

McGonagall looked pained. “Because there are certain spells on the girl’s dorms meant to discourage fraternizing.”

 

Mum jerked as though slapped. 

 

“No…”

 

“I’m afraid so. The talisman is fool proof, however. You’re not the first exceptional young lady we’ve had.”

 

Stephanie felt like her head was filled with sand. “Spells against what?” She looked from one to the other, trying to figure out what they were saying. “Mum, what’s she saying?”

 

Mum took a shuddering breath. “Tell me there’s another way. She can’t wear that. She  _ can’t _ . It will...professor, please!”

 

“I’m sorry,” McGonagall said softly. “There’s simply no other way.”

 

“Mum?” she whispered, stomach starting to twist.

 

Mum turned to look at her hopelessly. “I don’t suppose you’ll just take it on faith?” 

 

Stephanie stared at her, swallowed, and said, “Please tell me.”

 

“The...Stephy...it’s…” Mum stuttered to a halt.

 

McGonagall reached out and placed a hand on Mum’s shoulder. “Allow me, please. You’re the one that has to help her with it.”

 

Mum nodded helplessly. 

 

“Stephanie...the girls dorms are spelled to not admit boys. That locket will bypass the spell so you can enter the dorms.”

 

Stephanie stared at her for a full minute, then flung the locket across the room, scrabbling back away from it. “ _ No! _ No, no, no, I’m not...but I’m not...no!”

 

Mum reached for her and Stephanie jerked back. “Mum, tell her! I don’t need it, I’m a girl! I’m a girl!”

 

McGonagall knelt down, startling Stephanie, who was in full panic attack mode by this time. “And you’re a lovely girl,” she said softly, voice thick with Scots brogue, heavy with pain. “Wearing the locket is just like wearing a key. It opens a lock, nothing more.”

 

“But I’m a girl,” she whispered, shaking. 

McGonagall sighed. “I know. But the spells...the spells are quite single minded. They don’t see you as Stephanie. They can’t see who you  _ are _ . They only see...they only see the error of your birth.”

 

Stephanie let out a sharp laugh, filled with pain. “So in order to be a girl, I have to wear a  _ thing  _ around my neck that says  _ I’m a boy!?” _

 

McGonagall opened her mouth, and then looked at Mum. 

 

Mum swallowed. “No, sweetie, it’s...it says you’re a girl. It tells the spells that you’re a girl, so they don’t make a mistake.”

 

Stephanie shuddered. “W-what h-happens i-if I don’t w-wear it?”

 

McGonagall twitched. “That depends on the dorm. In one, the stairs will turn into a slide and dump you back down. In another, a wall of force will repel you. In another, the hallway will turn back on itself, never letting you reach the dorms. And in the last, an iron gate will come down, preventing you from passing.”

 

Stephanie stared at her in horror. “And everyone will see.”

 

The professor nodded.

 

A horrible thought struck her. “That’s why I have to send someone if I lose it in the dorm! They’ll...I’ll...I’ll be thrown out if I try to leave…”

 

McGonagall winced, but nodded again.

 

Stephanie swallowed a sob. 

 

McGonagall stood, leaving the shaking girl to her mother, and retrieved the locket. “I’m so very, very sorry, Stephanie,” she said in a soft tone. “But there simply isn’t another way.”

 

Stephanie shied away from the poisonous thing.  _ Boy _ , it taunted her.  _ Just a confused little boy _ . 

 

Mum touched her arm. “Stephy...you can always go to a normal school.”

 

For one wild moment she considered it. Anything not to wear a stupid brand around her neck, constantly reminding her that the school itself wouldn’t believe her. Then she sniffed and closed her eyes. 

 

“No, I...I’ll...I’ll manage.”

 

Mum stroked her hair. “Are you sure, love?”

Stephanie grinned weakly. “No. But I’ll hate myself if I give up on bloody magic school over a stupid necklace.” She glanced at McGonagall and then studied the floor. “And...I can always...always come home and go to public school if I can’t handle it.”

 

Professor McGonagall touched her shoulder. “If you truly want to, yes, you can. No one will force you to do anything, my dear.”

 

Stephanie took a shuddering breath and held out her hand. McGonagall set the charm in it and Stephanie fought the urge to throw it again. Hands shaking, she tried to put it on. She ended up staring at it loathingly, unable to get it over her head. 

 

“You don’t have to-”

 

“I’d rather get all my panic attacks out of the way before school starts,” she bit out. She winced and held it out to her mother. “Sorry. Mum, would you?”

 

“Stephy…” Mum breathed.

 

“I can’t...I can’t get it on. And I have to. Please, Mum?”

 

A gentle hand intercepted the pendant. She looked up to see McGonagall holding it. “I believe it would hurt your mother, my dear, almost as much as it would hurt you. Are you sure you wish to…?”

 

Stephanie shuddered. “No. But I have to get used to the awful thing sometime.”

 

“Brave girl. I’ve...I’ve had to help more than one young lady put one of these on. May I?”

 

Stephanie nodded jerkily. Even knowing it was coming, even knowing logically that she needed to begin learning to wear the thing sooner rather than later, she still shied away slightly when McGonagall brought it close to her. But she forced herself to sit still, closed her eyes, and breathed through her nose as it settled over her head and around her neck. It was a light little thing, and aside from the unaccustomed weight of a necklace, she barely felt it. She opened her eyes and blew out a shaky breath. “That’s...not so bad.”

 

McGonagall made a pained sound. “No, but...it has to touch your skin, dear.”

 

Stephanie’s skin crawled. She gripped the arms of her chair convulsively, raised her hands, lowered them, lifted them unsteadily to her collar and tugged it open. Then she sat there for a few minutes, breathing harshly. 

 

“Help,” she whispered.

 

McGonagall looked at Mum, and Mum closed her eyes and nodded. The elderly witch gathered up the locket and gently dropped it into the girl’s shirt. At the feeling of the cold, accusing metal against her skin, Stephanie jerked. She sat in the chair, breathing slowly for a few minutes more. “I’m…” she swallowed and tried again. “I’m ok. It’s just a necklace. It’s...I’m...I’m ok.”

 

She opened her eyes and McGonagall smiled. “Brave, brave girl,” she murmured. “I think that’s the fastest anyone has managed to get themselves to wear it.”

 

Stephanie gave her a ghost of a smile. 

 

“Now, I have a bit of a tradition after one of these meetings, and I hope you’ll indulge me.”

 

Stephanie nodded mechanically. Mum shot her a worried glance. “That depends. I’d meant to take her shopping for her school supplies, but…”

 

McGonagall smiled. “There is a lovely ice cream shop in Diagon Alley. It is my firm belief that a hot fudge sundae prepared by a master creamer is an excellent restorative for a young lady that’s just had a load of bad news all at once. My treat.”

 

Stephanie giggled without thinking and Mum let out a breath. She shot the professor a look filled with gratitude. “I think that would be perfect.”

 

One hot fudge sundae, and quite a bit of staring about at all the wonderful sights and sounds, later Stephanie was feeling almost herself again. Mum and Professor McGonagall had talked, mostly answering questions about the magical world that Mum had, while Stephanie devoured a truly astonishing confection. If someone had asked her right at that moment who her god was, the answer would have been, “whoever made this sundae.” She didn’t even feel guilty about it, because while Mum had insisted on ordering a simple lemon ice, Professor McGonagall had ordered a sundae every bit as elaborate as her own, and cleaned her bowl with no small amount of relish. 

 

McGonagall winked at her over their clean bowls. “Remarkably restorative,” she murmured, dabbing at the corners of her mouth with a napkin, before nodding at Stephanie with a grin. “Wipe your face, dear.”

 

Stephanie blushed and obeyed, wiping her mouth clean with a napkin. McGonagall stood, and smoothed out her robes. “Now, then. I must return to my duties at the school, but first, I shall endeavor to render you one last service.”

 

Mum and Stephanie stood and followed her into the street. She led the way through the crowd to a tall marble building that looked astonishingly out of place. While the other shops weren’t exactly ugly, they were a far cry from the soaring architecture the building displayed. 

 

“Gringotts Wizard Bank,” McGonagall declared. 

 

Mum nodded. “That’s where we change money, right?”

 

“Correct. However, the first time can be...startling. Goblins aren’t the most...comfortable of creatures to associate with.”

 

Mum stared at her. “Goblins.”

 

“Yes. I understand how you may want to, but please don’t stare at them. It makes them cross.”

 

Mum opened her mouth, closed it, and made an “after you” gesture.

 

The inside of the bank was just as rich and beautiful as as the outside. But sitting at tall ledgers, lining the path up to the counters, were the smallest, ugliest little beings Stephanie had ever seen. She did her best not to stare, particularly when she realized they were all wearing banker’s suits that looked ridiculously out of place, but it was a near thing. With the professor’s help, the exchange went smoothly, and they escaped with only a few disdainful sneers when their gazes lingered for a second too long. 

 

Outside the bank, Mum shook her head ruefully. “Thank you, Professor. I’d have make a mess of that.”

 

McGonagall smiled. “As I said, the first time is often startling. Now, before I go, I wish to add two further things.”

 

Stephanie’s heart stuttered. “Not-”

 

“No, my dear, the worst news I can give you is behind you,” McGonagall said with a soft smile. 

 

Stephanie heaved a sigh of relief. 

 

“The first thing is that Madam Hinze has been trained in certain Muggle techniques, counseling I believe it’s called, that often have a salutory effect on the spirits. She came to us in a difficult time, and we’ve found her so indispensable that many Healers are choosing to venture into the Muggle world to learn these skills. Should you find yourself low, or in a bad way, or simply need a sympathetic and private ear, please seek her out.”

 

Stephanie nodded.   

 

“The second is that I strongly suggest that you seek out a supper club known as the Purple League. The password at the start of term this year will be ‘hippogriff in flight.’ Should you choose not to seek them out in your first month, Madam Hinze is their sponsor and can offer you the password at any time.”

 

“Umm...why would I want to join…?”

 

McGonagall smiled wider. “I think you’ll find that they have much in common with you.”

 

Stephanie stared and then her face lit up. “You mean they’re like me?”

 

“Yes, dear,” the witch said. “Now, I’ll leave you to your shopping. I look forward to seeing you at school, Ms. Mallow.”

 

Stephanie grinned, and managed another curtsey. 

 

The professor chuckled, shook Mum’s hand one more time, and headed off into the crowd. 

 

Mum took a deep breath and gave Stephanie’s shoulder a squeeze. “Up for it?”

 

Stephanie nodded. “After...after that, I think I could use a little magic.”

 

So they hit the bookstore and Stephanie had to be repeatedly pulled away from books that she itched to open. The stopped at the potion shop, and Stephanie and Mum spent thirty minutes goggling at the various ingredients and esoteric tools on sale, before forcing themselves to move on. The robe shop was a bit of a sticky point. The proprietress wanted Stephanie to disrobe so she could get clean measurements. Stephanie started to hyperventilate until Mum flatly put her foot down. The woman grumblingly settled for having Stephanie take off her jacket, before producing a lovely set of robes that Stephanie ached to try on. 

 

Then next stop on the list was the wand shop. Stephanie took a deep breath and slipped in behind mum, staring around at the shelves and shelves of slim little boxes. A pale man with luminous eyes stepped out of the shadows, startling Stephanie.

 

“Hello?” Mum said. “We’re here to get my daughter a wand.”

 

The man nodded. “Very good, very good,” he murmured. “Let’s see, shall we?”

 

Stephanie jumped when a tiny tape measure began flitting about her, taking the oddest measurements. It vanished a moment later.

 

The next twenty minutes were the most confusing of Stephanie’s life. The man would no sooner hand her a wand, muttering strange things the entire time, than he would snatch it back out of her hands. Wand after wand was presented and discarded, and she had no earthly clue what he was looking for. 

Suddenly he slapped a wand into her hand, announcing, “Ebony, unicorn, flexible, 10 and one quarter inches.”

 

Golden sparks shot from the tip, making Stephanie yelp in surprise and delight. 

 

“Excellent,” the man said, a satisfied smile on his face. “A most excellent wand for Charms, Transfiguration, and Healing magics, my dear. Treat it well, and it will treat you well.”

 

Mum paid for the wand, and they stepped back outside, both of them staring at it in wonder.

 

“Stephanie.”

 

“Mum?”

 

“You can do  _ magic! _ ”

 

Stephanie giggled. “It was just...it just happened!”

 

Mum grinned. “Come on.”

 

Stephanie frowned. “That was the entire list, Mum.”

 

Mum fished around in her pocket and pulled out the roll of parchment the professor had given them. “I thought we might look at those charms.”

 

Stephanie nodded so hard she thought her head might fall off.

 

The charms shop was tucked away between an animal shop and a small boutique. It had a reserved, friendly atmosphere when they stepped in, but Stephanie was slightly disappointed. It looked like nothing so much as a jewelry shop, and the items on display ranged from gaudy to refined. It was nothing like what she’d expected. 

 

A small, plump woman came forward to greet them with a smile. “I’m Esme. Welcome to my shop. How can I help you today?”

 

Mum cleared her throat. “We...that is, my daughter...”

 

Stephanie rolled her eyes. “Look, we need some things, and we need it to be secret.”

 

Esme looked affronted. “I would never gossip about my customers.”

 

Stephanie blushed. “Sorry. I, um, was born wrong.”

 

Esme gave her a searching look. “How so?”

 

Stephanie coughed. “I was born a boy.”

 

Esme smiled. “Ahh. That’s a fairly easy one, actually, though it can be somewhat expensive if you chose to attempt a more thorough approach.”

 

“So we’ve been told,” Mum admitted. “How expensive are we talking?”

 

“For a full glamour that hides everything, even to touch, it runs about 300 galleons.”

 

Mum did some quick mental arithmetic. Then she did some slower mental arithemtic. Then she pulled out a sheet of paper she’d written down the conversion rates on and did the arithmetic with a pen, and blanched. “That’s…” she swallowed. “I’m sorry, Stephy, but we can’t afford that. It’s nearly a thousand pounds!”

 

Stephanie’s jaw dropped. “No...no we can’t.”

 

Esme smiled sympathetically. “What sort of price range are you thinking?”

 

Mum swallowed, looked down at her figures, and managed a weak smile. “Under forty?”

 

“Oh, that’s no problem at all!” Esme said with a laugh. “I take it it’s something you wish to hold up for a while?”

 

“Yes, please,” Mum said fervently. 

 

“Well, I can do you a purely visual one, tied to a bracelet or necklace, for 20. It’ll last about three years, although I wouldn’t really trust it past two. It won’t change your appearance entirely, mind, but it’ll cover up the bits that need covering.”

 

Mum closed her eyes, ran the numbers, and broke out into a smile. “That will do nicely.”

 

The other woman waved a hand at the displays. “Why don’t you pick something out and we’ll get it made up for you.”

 

Stephanie browsed the displays for a while, seeking something she could stand to wear for two years. She finally settled on a slim silvery watch that had the phases of the moon as well as the normal time. 

 

“A watch, Stephy?”

 

She pointed at the band. “It’s got multiple holes. I can grow into it if I need to. And a watch is useful, so no one will wonder why I wear it.”

 

Mum laughed and ruffled her hair. “Good thinking.”

 

The shopkeeper nodded and draped it around Stephanie’s wrist. “I agree. And, it looks lovely on you. Now, just leave your address, and I’ll send it to you by owl in a week.”

 

Stephanie wilted a little. “Oh. I thought…”

 

Esme smiled understandingly. “I’m sorry my dear, but it takes time to make these things. Enchantments are finicky business, particularly glamours.” 

 

Stephanie nodded. “Right. Sorry.”

 

Esme shook her head. “No, I understand. May I ask a number of delicate questions? With the understanding that I mean no offense?”

 

Mum looked down at Stephanie. Her voice was a little cold, and deeply cautious as she asked, “What sort of questions? My daughter has had a very trying day.”

 

Esme nodded. “Let me preface the first by saying that you are lovely, my dear, and I wouldn’t have guessed if you hadn’t told me. Are you pleased with the way you look?”

 

Stephanie twitched. “I...I want to grow my hair out,” she admitted. She hadn’t discussed it with Mum, because the short, near high and tight on her head was a product of her mother’s previous unwillingness to see her as a girl. “I think my face is ok, and I won’t need to pretend to have…” she cupped her flat chest meaningfully, “for a couple more years.”

 

Esme nodded again. “May I suggest Elora’s Coiffure, just down the street? They’re incredible at growing and styling hair. And,” she hurried to add, “quite reasonably priced. For children, they only charges 5 Galleons per foot of hair grown, and another 2 to style it.”

 

Stephanie stared at her. “They can grow my hair out?”

 

“Within minutes.”

 

Mum smiled. “I think that sounds lovely. You had another question?”

 

“Two more. First, have you considered piercing your ears? I can do it for a single Galleon, and it will only hurt a moment.”

 

Stephanie shivered. “Mum? Could I?”

 

Mum sighed. “I’d really hoped that wouldn’t come up. But...just her ears? Normal piercings?”

 

Esme grinned. “I would suggest a professional piercer if you wanted more than that. I only know the basic spell, you see.”

 

“Oh, all right.”

 

Stephanie jumped and squealed, throwing her arms around her mother. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

 

Esme reached under the counter and pulled out a small tray of tiny studs. “Let’s find something you like. Or a few somethings,” she said with a twinkle in her eyes, “since these are only six sickles a pair.”

 

Mum held up a hand, and checked her money notes. “Do you happen to know how much an owl is?”

 

“A small one, with cage, should run you about ten, fifteen galleons, I should think. Admittedly, a very small one, but as long as you don’t want it to carry parcels, it should be fine.”

 

Mum smiled. “You can pick out three to start.”

 

Stephanie squealed again and spun to stare at them, face only inches away from the case. She knew immediately what she wanted for her first pair, spying a pair of studs that had an emerald-like stone the size of a large pea in the center. They twinkled and sparkled wonderfully.

 

“Um, are you sure those don’t cost more?” she asked hesitantly, pointing at them. 

 

“Those? Of course not, dear, why…” Several things that had been said came together in her head all at once, and Esme grinned. “Are you muggleborn, dear?”

 

Stephanie blushed and nodded.    
  


Esme winked. “So am I. Nothing to be ashamed of, I just wondered why you would think glimmerglass would be expensive.”

 

“Oh. Um, I’m...it’s not bad, though? Right?”

 

Esme reached up and pulled her hair back, revealing huge, gaudy earrings covered in blue glimmerglass. “I was smitten with it myself, the first time I saw it. Never got over it. It’s cheap, and others will know it’s cheap, but if that doesn’t bother you, I say love it all you like.”

 

Stephanie grinned. “Then I’d like them, please. And,” her gaze flickered over the display, “the owls, and...um...do you have diamond colored glimmerglass?”

 

Esme glanced at Mum, and lowered her voice. “Can you keep a secret?”

 

Stephanie nodded. 

 

Esme reached under the counter and pulled out a tray of glimmerglass earrings. Stephanie’s eyes shot wide as she reached for it reflexively, hunger in her gaze. Some of them looked like little flames, some of them looked like droplets of water, some of them looked like soap bubbles. And sitting in the center was a pair of milk white earrings that glowed and flashed pink as Esme moved the tray.

 

Mum stared over her shoulder, and whispered, “Holy shit. This is the cheap stuff?”

 

Esme laughed. “They’re considered gaudy, if you can believe it. I only keep this tray for true glimmerglass aficionados.”

 

Stephanie grinned. “Thank you! But...where are the diamond ones?”

 

Esme pointed at the soap bubbles. “That’s as close as you’re going to find on this tray, unfortunately. Diamond coloring is almost impossible to get right, so diamond glimmerglass  _ does  _ cost a pretty galleon.”

 

“Oh. Well, I’d like those,” she said, pointing to the flames, and then pointed to the pink pearls, “and those. And, um, never mind the owls.”

 

Mum coughed and pointed at a pair that looked like shimmering oil slicks. “Think I could get away with those in the non magical world?”

 

Esme nodded. “I don’t see why not.”

 

“Then I’ll take those for myself,” she said, giving Stephanie a mischievous smile. “No point in you hogging all the cool stuff for yourself.”

 

Stephanie laughed. 

 

“And...let’s go ahead and see the diamond. We can’t have it, but I’m dead curious now.”

 

Esme pulled their selections off the tray and set them aside, before reaching under the counter. She paused and cocked an eyebrow. “Are you sure? Because it’s going to put a real diamond to shame. You may not be able to help yourself.”

 

Mum laughed. “I think we’ll be ok.”

 

Esme chuckled, and pulled out a single box. She tipped back the lid and they both gasped. Sitting in a field of black velvet were two gems the size of pencil erasers that  _ burned _ like ice on fire. The air around them twinkled and shimmered with the slightest movement, tiny rainbows twinkling and snapping. But more than diamonds, they had depth and heft, and Stephanie found herself reaching for them unconsciously, just to see if they produced heat. 

 

Mum swallowed. “I was wrong. Put them away before I throw money at you.”

 

Esme laughed and tucked the box away. “I’ve had people claim to hate glimmerglass and then nearly gnaw their arm off to get at those.”

 

“I can see why!”

 

“Now, young lady,” Esme said with a grin. “Which pair would you like first?”

 

Stephanie stood vacillating for a moment before pointing at her first choice. “Those, please.”

 

Esme waved her wand and a stool appeared. Stephanie hopped up on it as the woman came around the counter. “Now, deep breath and hold your Mum’s hand.”

 

Stephanie obeyed. She felt the tip of a wand touch her ear, which grew warm. Esme’s hand gripped her ear, and a moment later there was a sharp burst of pain. She yelped and squeezed Mum’s hand tightly, then blew out a breath of relief when the wand tapped her ear again and the pain vanished. A quick repeat on the other side, and Stephanie’s ears were officially pierced. 

 

Mum took her chin in hand and turned her face back and forth. “You look lovely, sweetheart.” She looked at Esme. “What does she need to do to take care of them?”

 

Esme laughed. “Not a thing. Pierced and healed all in one go.”

 

Mum looked annoyed. “Well, wish I’d been able to get my ears pierced that way.”

 

“You should have seen the look on my mother’s face. Hers were done with sewing needles and silk.” 

 

Stephanie shuddered. “Um, you had one more question?”

 

Esme nodded as Mum counted out the money for their purchases, and pulled her business card out of her purse so Esme would have their address. “Have you found a Healer?”

 

Mum shook her head, handing over the pile of coins. “We have a list of recommendations, though.”

 

“May I see it?”

 

Mum frowned, but pulled out the roll of parchment. Esme unrolled it, glanced down the list, and then pointed at a name. “Her.”

 

“Why,” Mum took the list and glanced at it, “Erzebet Hepida?” 

 

“Because she makes house calls,” Esme said with a grin. 

 

Stephanie licked her lips and asked, “Um...how do you…?”

 

Esme shook her head. “I never gossip about my customers.”

 

Mum nodded. “All right. Thanks for all your help.”

 

Esme smiled. “No problem. An owl will be by with the charm in a week!”

 

They left the shop and Mum checked the time. “I’m not sure when the owl shop closes, so...let’s see how late the hair salon is open.”

 

It took a bit of wandering, and asking directions of a couple of helpful passersby, but they found the salon. They stepped inside to find a bunch of comfy looking stools in front of mirrors, filled with witches all getting their hair done. Stephanie stepped around Mum, and jumped as a shriek rang out. 

 

“Oh, you poor dear! What happened to your  _ hair _ ?”

 

Stephanie blushed crimson as a slender, stylish woman flapped her way over to them. 

 

“Is that how you greet all your customers?” Mum’s voice came out dripping with ice.

 

The woman drew up short. “Only the ones who look as though some beast has attacked them with a pair of scissors!”

 

“You’re rude.”

 

Mum and the woman both looked down at Stephanie, who was shaking slightly with rage and humiliation. “I don’t care how good you are, I wouldn’t let you touch my hair if  _ you _ paid  _ me _ .”

 

Stephanie turned and stomped out. 

 

In the street, she leaned against the building and took deep breaths, fighting tears. She jumped when the door opened and the flappy woman came hurtling out, followed by a  _ very _ angry looking man. “Get. Out. Of. My. Shop!”

 

“Well, I never-”

 

“Out! And stay out! I’ll send your things by owl!”

 

Stephanie watched as she drew herself up and flounced down the street, muttering about “art.”

 

The man looked over his shoulder, puffing slightly. He was short, not thin, but not heavy, and he had a bright red pair of mutton chops and a gleaming pate. His robes looked understated, but nice, and he reached up and adjusted a tiny pair of spectacle that perched on the end of his nose. 

 

“I’m terribly sorry about Hilda. I knew she was a boor, but I never thought she’d reduce a child to tears!”

 

Mum stepped out from behind him and gave Stephanie a small smile. “Stephy, this is Francis Elora, the shop owner.”

 

Stephanie gulped down the lump that was still in her throat and curtsied to him. “Um, hi. You didn’t have to fire her for me.”

 

Mr. Elora snorted. “Child, I fired her because no-one that works with hair should have that little tact. Would you still like your hair done?”

 

Stephanie swallowed, and nodded. 

 

“Then come in. I’ll take care of it myself.”

 

She followed him into the shop, and he helped her up onto a stool. She stared into the mirror, catching sight of her pierced ears for the first time. They certainly looked pretty, but her  _ hair _ ….she couldn’t help but see a boy in the mirror now, and she started shaking slightly. 

 

Mum, touched her shoulder, and she looked at her with tears forming in her eyes. “Never mind,” Mum said.

 

Stephanie dashed her hand across her eyes, sniffing. “No, no, I’m ok. What?”

 

Mum stared at her for a moment. “I need to run down to the owl shop. It’s just around the corner. Will you be ok until I get back?”

 

Stephanie nodded, and forced a smile. 

 

“Ok. If you’re sure,” Mum said. She grinned and booped Stephanie on the nose. “Nothing crazy, ok?”

 

Stephanie’s smile stretched into an answering grin. “You mean I can’t have it pink?”

 

Mum stared at her suspiciously. “You’re not serious.”

 

She giggled and shrugged in a “who, me?” sort of way.

 

Mum groaned. “I reserve the right to veto anything.”

 

Stephanie made a shooing gesture. “I’ll be fine.”

 

Mum sighed. “Lord, give me strength that I don’t kill her when I get back,” she muttered as she walked out. 

 

Mr. Elora shook his head. “Do you actually want it pink?”

 

Stephanie grinned sheepishly. “Maybe?”

 

He cocked an eyebrow. “Let’s take it slow. First, what’s the longest you’ve had it?”

 

She held her hand up to indicate a bowl cut that brushed the top of her ears. He nodded briskly. “And how long would you like it?”

 

She swallowed. “Um, you charge by the foot?”

 

He nodded again, pulling on a pair of gloves.

 

“Maybe a foot, and then we’ll see if I want it shorter or longer?”

 

Mr. Elora smiled. “A wise decision. Have you ever had your hair lengthened?”

 

She shook her head. 

 

He picked up a tiny bottle and unstoppered it. “You may feel a tingling.”

 

He poured the bottle onto her head, and worked it into her scalp. Immediately, her head began to itch. “Ow, ooh, that’s, um…” she bounced uncomfortably in place, gripping her knees. She shut her eyes and bit her lip, trying to shut out the feeling as best she could. It went on for what felt like forever, and she hummed quietly and tunelessly as she fought the urge to scratch. 

 

She jumped when she felt hair touch her neck, and her eyes flew open. Staring back at her was a girl with hair to her shoulders. She gasped and reached up to touch it, only to have her hands intercepted by Mr. Elora’s. “Ah-ah. You don’t want hair on your hands, do you?”

 

She shook her head and fidgeted as she literally watched her hair grow. It slipped down past her shoulders, itching like mad, and started to pool on her shoulders. Mr. Elora pulled it back and gathered it away from her, constantly stroking her hair, hand over hand, as it grew. Finally, an agonizing minute later, the itching slowed and stopped. Mr. Elora held it away and waved his wand over it, cleaning it with a muttered word. 

 

The hair fell down her back and slid forward around her face, smooth and clean and she stared into the mirror, a welter of emotions flowing through her. She looked like a proper girl! She reached up and touched her hair, pulling it forward so she could see how long it was, running her hands through it, shivering at the luxury of having long hair after a lifetime of boy haircuts. 

 

Mr. Elora eyed her reflection critically. “ Actually, you have lovely hair. You could probably get away with a simple trim to clear up the tips, if you like.”

 

Stephanie almost agreed. But...she’d never had hair this long, and she wasn’t sure she could take care of it. 

 

“Umm...I...how do I keep it looking like this?” she asked softly, hoping it was a simple answer.

 

“Well, your parent’s can easily cast a few spells until you get the hang of...no?”

 

“Muggleborn,” she said with a sigh.

 

“Ah. Well, then you’ll have to brush it every day, and wash it twice a week. Do muggles have a potion that makes your hair soft?”

 

She giggled. “Sort of.”

 

“Then you’ll need to use that every time you wash,” he said. He ran his fingers through it, eyeing it critically. “And you’ll probably need a potion to keep it from becoming too dry. If it does, then it will get frizzy and become unmanageable.”

 

She bit her lip. “Let me ask my mum when she gets back. Can I see what it would look like pink? I mean, does it cost extra?”

 

He chuckled and waved his wand. Her brown hair and eyebrows lightened, flushed, and then settled suddenly into a shocking bubblegum pink. Her mouth formed a little “o” of surprise and she squealed. She looked like a cartoon character! A pretty, girly, cartoon!

 

“I love it!”

 

Mr. Elora’s voice was dry. “Naturally.”

 

“Does it...I mean is it...how do I…”

 

“This is a simple transfiguration that lasts only a minute or so. It takes a potion to actually color it.”

 

“Does it hurt my hair?”

 

He looked shocked. “No! Why would it?”

 

She blushed. “Muggle hair colors burn hair.”

 

He stared at her and pointed his finger at her in the mirror. “Then you keep those nasty colors away from your hair, girl. Understood?”

 

She nodded, grinning. “How much?”

 

“A bottle should last you six months to a year, depending on how fast your hair grows. Simply apply it once a month.”

 

“And how much does-”

 

“Stephanie Mallow, what did I say?”

 

Stephanie jumped. “It’s not real, Mum! It’ll wear off in a minute!”

 

Mum set down the small cage she held, which was making little peeping hoots. She stepped forward and brushed Stephanie’s hair behind her ears, staring at her critically. “The annoying thing is, that shade of pink looks good with your skin,” she murmured. “Are you sure? Pink isn’t...well…”

 

Stephanie blushed again. “I know. But...well, I probably won’t fit in anyway. So I might as well have fun with it?”

 

Mum tapped her foot. “How much is it for the pink hair?”

 

“Thirty galleons.”

 

“And that lasts how long?” Mum asked, wincing. 

 

“As I was telling your daughter, six months to a year, depending on how fast her hair grows.”

 

Mum shook her head. “Not today, sweetheart.”

 

Stephanie nodded and stared into the mirror as the beautiful pink faded back to her normal brown. She gave a little sigh of her own. “Um, what do you think about how long it is, Mum?”

 

Mum looked at it, considering. “You’re going to spend most of your time with it up, in this heat. Are you sure you don’t want to have it here,” she put her hand just above her neck, “and grow into it?”

 

Stephanie clutched her new hair, realizing that now she had it, she couldn’t bear to part with it. But… “I’m more worried about taking care of it,” she admitted.

 

Mum looked at her looking in the mirror and grinned. “That does take a bit of doing. But I think we have the same sort of hair, which means I can show you how. And if it turns out to be too much, we can get it cut down. The question is, how does it make you feel?”

 

Stephanie looked at Mum with a small, shy smile. “It makes me feel pretty.”

 

“Then hair all down your back it is,” she said. She looked at Mr. Elora. “What do I owe you?”

 

He shrugged and pulled her hair back, waving his wand to trim a bare half inch, her original hair, away. “Let’s call it three galleons.”

 

Mum hesitated. “I was told it was five per foot…”

 

Mr. Elora leaned in conspiratorially. “The potion costs three. It’s the least I can do to make up for the unpleasantness earlier.”

 

Mum grinned. “You don’t have to do that. You made my daughter smile. That’s worth five galleons to me.”

 

He actually blushed a bit. “Thank you, but I insist. I will ask a favor, however?”

 

“Oh?”

 

“Your daughter tells me that Muggle hair colors burn hair.”

 

Mum blinked. “You know, I suppose they do.”

 

He winced. “If she does want her hair color changed, please come see me. I’d hate to think of hair this lovely all crispy and broken.”

 

Mum laughed. “I’ll do that.”

 

Ten minutes later, laden down with purchases, they slipped out of Diagon Alley and back into London proper. 

 

~~~~~~

 

All the way home, Ellie fought the urge to stare at Stephanie. She laughed and chatted more than she ever had before. And, with the simple addition of earrings and long hair, her sweet face now completely resembled a girl’s, no trace of the boy Ellie had tried to force her to be remaining. 

 

She sprang for take away curry, one of their favorites, and they ate, both of them laughing as Stephanie had to learn how to keep her hair out of her food. They finally settled for putting it up in a ponytail, which stopped dinner for a few minutes as they stared in the mirror at the startlingly girlish face that stared back, Stephanie with an excited, happy smile, Ellie with a smile that masked her inner turmoil. 

 

After dinner Stephanie met the owl, an indignant little feathered tennis ball that Stephanie immediately christened Murderball when he tried to explain his unhappiness by trying to take her finger off with a beak that could barely fit the tip of it. She brushed her daughter’s hair for the first time that night, a hundred strokes, as Stephanie made little happy noises at discovering the joy of having her hair brushed. Then she twisted it up into a loose knot so that Stephanie wouldn’t tangle it too badly in her sleep and firmly put her to bed, over protests of not being sleepy.

 

She went back into the kitchen and stared at the wall for a few minutes, eyes prickling. Her child had never seemed so happy, so at peace with him...with herself. It was her, now, she reminded herself fiercely. Ellie could see the stab of hurt that crossed Stephanie’s face whenever she messed up, and she fought like mad to keep it right even in her own head. Especially in her own head. 

 

Still...Ellie stepped over to the pantry and pulled out a beer. She swallowed half the bottle in one go, and then stared at it, turning it over and over in her hands. That was it. If she’d had any doubts, and lingering hopes, they were gone, taking her Trevor with them. For the good of her child, for the happiness of her child, she could never see Trevor again. Would never-

 

She heard a sound behind her, and swiftly dashed her hand across her face. She turned to find Trev - no, Stephanie, hand on her chest, tears in her eyes. 

 

“What-” She looked down at where Stephanie’s hand was and felt a stab of hatred for the little locket she knew her girl was clutching. “Oh. Oh, sweetie.”

 

“I’m a girl, right? For real and true?” Stephanie whispered.

 

Ellie  set her beer down, walked over, and pulled the hated thing out of her shirt and over her head. “I think you’ve been a brave girl enough for one day.”

 

Stephanie stared at it with loathing. “But...I have to-”

 

“Shhh,” she said, touching her daughter’s lips. “You’ve had a long day. I think you can be forgiven a good night’s sleep before you start trying to sleep with it.”

 

Stephanie shuddered at the sight of it, and Ellie quickly balled it up in her hand, gathering her little girl to her chest. “You’re a beautiful, wonderful, amazing little girl, sweetheart. For real and true.”  _ Forever,  _ she added in her head, heart twisting traitorously. 

 

Stephanie smiled up at her. “Thanks, Mum,” she whispered.

 

“Do you want me to tuck you in?”

 

Stephanie giggled. “No, Mum, I’m...I’m ok. And I’m a little old to be tucked in!”

 

Ellie’s heart skipped. “Yes,” she said, forcing a grin. “I suppose you are. Then off to bed with you. Scoot!”

 

Stephanie giggled, hugged her once more, and then went down the hallway to her room. 

 

Ellie watched her go. The locket felt heavy in her hand as she reclaimed her beer and went into her office. She locked the door, and sat in her chair heavily. She took a long pull, and then opened her hand, staring at the little piece of jewelry with open disgust. 

 

_ Trevor _ , it whispered to her. All that was left of him, this locket represented. A pain to Stephanie, and an agony to Ellie, who was fighting to say goodbye and hello with a smile on her face and never showing anything wrong. Stephanie had caught her crying three times too many already and she was not,  _ not _ going to cry anymore. She had a beautiful daughter. 

 

Stephanie.

 

Eleven years old, and able to do magic.

 

Her daughter. 

 

She opened her hand and stared at the locket again. Face unmoving, she ripped open the bottom drawer of her desk, dropped it in, and shut it firmly. 

 

Then she booted up her computer and spent the next hour writing, editing and proofing a four hundred word note. She used the same font she’d used for her letter to the headmistress, and hit print. 

 

Then she walked into the living room and over to Murderball’s cage and popped it open. He shot out and flitted around the room for a few minutes. She let him stretch a bit and then hissed, “Oi!”

 

He settled down on the back of the couch, glaring at her. The salesman had assured her that Murderball was a fully trained post owl, but he mostly looked like a pissed off loofa. She swiftly scribbled, “Healer Erzebet Hepida” on the front of the small greeting card envelope she’d found, and held it out to him. “I have a job for you.”

 

A second later, the violent little ball of bird was out the door, carrying the letter in his beak.

 

Ellie stood on the porch, watching him go, and sucked down the last of her beer.  _ Goodbye, Trevor,  _ she thought. And then, against all her promises to herself, she softly burst into tears.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going to be a freaking novel. Jaysis. 
> 
> Concrit welcome, I'll get through her first year if it kills me. Sorry for the terrible formatting, I'm too bloody lazy to take out all the hard returns one at a time.

It took three days for Stephanie to work up to putting the locket back on. In the end, she had to ask Mum to do it for her, apologizing the entire time as Mum fought to keep the worry and hurt off her face while putting the nasty little reminder around her daughter’s neck. Then, after reassuring Mum that she could handle it, she retreated to her room and cried for an hour. When Mum found her, it was all she could do to convince Mum that she had to keep wearing it. Mum had swallowed down her obvious discomfort with seeing her daughter hurting and given in. She failed to keep it on that night, though, finally giving in at two in the morning and pulling it off to hide it in her dresser drawer so she could pass out. 

 

She tried every day to put it back on, but every time she did, she started shaking and felt sick, and ended up putting it back in her drawer. She couldn’t ask Mum again, not without hurting her, and Mum wouldn’t always be there with her to help her into it. But she just couldn’t seem to force herself to put it on.

 

She trooped out to breakfast feeling angry at herself, hands still shaking from her latest attempt to get it back on, black smudges under her eyes from being unable to sleep. 

 

Mum looked up and smiled at her. “Someone’s got a parcel.”

 

Stephanie stared at her in confusion for a moment, and then her face lit up. 

 

“It’s here?”

 

Mum pointed at the small parcel on the table. 

 

Stephanie jumped on it, shredding the paper off so fast that she created a little storm of confetti. The watch lay nestled inside, and she stared at it for a long moment, breathing hard, heart pounding. Then she slipped it onto her wrist, buckling it into place. She felt nothing change, and she wilted a little. 

 

She looked up to find Mum looking at her closely. “Anything?”

 

“I don’t...feel different,” she said softly. 

 

Mum smiled. “Wanna go look?”

 

Stephanie blushed. “Um, yeah.”

 

“Go ahead, sweetie.”

 

Stephanie ran to the bathroom and shut the door. She closed her eyes, pulled her nightshirt over her head, and took her panties off by feel. Taking a deep breath, she opened her eyes, and looked in the mirror.

 

A girl stared back. Her eyes raked hungrily up and down, but there was nothing out of place, nothing to even suggest that the girl in the mirror was anything but normal. She moved around, spread her legs, bent over, staring at herself the entire time. The glamour moved with her perfectly. Hands shaking, she reached down, staring at the mirror. She felt  _ it _ there, but in the mirror, it looked no different that if she were touching what appeared to be there. She looked down and tried wrapping her hand around it, and and it looked for all the world as though she were making a fist in front of herself, her real, perfect, girl self. 

 

She let go of the annoying reminder that it wasn’t real and did a little dance of glee. A thought struck her, and she swiftly tugged her panties on, shot across the hall to her room, and forced herself to grab the locket out of the drawer. She held it at arm’s length as she crossed to the bathroom again. She closed the door and turned, dropping the locket on the counter. Her panties caught her eye, and she smiled at seeing the glamour extended to them too. She looked flat and smooth, not bulgy and ugly like she was used to seeing. She pushed her panties down to her knees, and stared at herself in the mirror. 

 

Without taking her eyes off the wonderful sight of herself as a girl, she lifted the locket and put it over her head, hands shaking only a little. Then she pulled her panties up, keeping her eyes on them, and pulled her nightshirt over her head. Her stomach churned as she felt it sitting there against her chest, and she breathed harshly through her nose to keep it in check. After a few minutes, she heard a knock on the door. 

 

“Stephy? You ok?”

 

She opened her eyes, took one more deep breath, and opened the door. “I’m fine, Mum. It looks perfect!”

 

Mum ran a thumb under Stephanie’s eyes. “Is that why you’re crying?”

 

Stephanie’s smile turned wry. “Actually, it seems I can get the bloody thing on if I can look in the mirror and see a girl’s body.”

 

Mum didn’t ask what she meant by “bloody thing.” She just nodded and pulled her daughter into a hug. “Come have breakfast. I have a surprise for you today.”

 

Stephanie perked up. “A surprise? What kind of surprise?”

 

Mum chortled as she turned and led the way back to the kitchen. “The surprising kind.”

 

“Mum!”

 

Stephanie continued to pester her as she ate breakfast, and only stopped when Mum gave her a tolerant look, went into her office, and firmly shut the door. She sighed with frustration and went upstairs to study her schoolbooks. Normally, she wouldn’t crack a textbook the entire summer, but after speaking to Professor McGonagall, and seeing her hair turn pink, she’d buried her nose in  _ A Beginner’s Guide to Transfiguration _ . She was having a bit of trouble with it, but she was absolutely determined. If transfiguration was indeed the key to changing her body to what it was supposed to be, then she would study it until she dropped. 

 

She was rereading a particularly difficult passage on the immutable laws of transfiguration when a loud bang startled her into dropping the book. Stephanie rushed into the hall to see Mum disappearing around the corner. 

 

“Mum?” she called, following her. “Is everything ok?”

 

Mum winked at her, and then opened the front door. “Surprise!”

 

Standing on the doorstep, looking as surprised as Stephanie felt, was a woman in witches robes. Her dirty blond hair was pulled up in a chignon under a pill box hat with a stylish little veil, and she was only a foot taller than Stephanie herself. She looked at Mum curiously. “Surprise?”

 

Mum chuckled. “Surprise for my daughter. I’m Ellie Mallow, and this is Stephanie. Please, come in.”

 

Stephanie’s heart leapt into her throat when the woman stepped into the house and looked at her with a smile. “Hello, young lady. I’m Erzebet Hepida, though you may call me Healer, or Ms. Erzie.”

 

Stephanie gaped at her. “You’re...you’re the magic doctor!”

 

Erzie laughed. “That I am.”

 

Stephanie swallowed, mouth suddenly dry. “Um, are you here to, uh, examine me?”

 

Erzie cocked her head to one side. “It won’t hurt, dear.”

 

Stephanie gave her a shy smile. “I’m...I just…”

 

“You’re worried I’ll tell you that there’s nothing to be done?”

 

Stephanie nodded.

 

“Well, I make no promises, but there are a few things that generally help. Now, I shall need you to remove any magical items on your person, and sit comfortably.”

 

Stephanie instantly shoved her hand into her shirt and whipped the locket over her head. She was a much slower to remove her watch, giving it a longing glance as she laid it on the coffee table. Erzie waved a wand at her experimentally, and frowned. “Are you still wearing any jewelry or talismans that may be of a magical nature?”

 

Stephanie blushed. “Sorry, I forgot,” she murmured as she took off her earrings. 

 

Erzie tried again and nodded. “Excellent.” 

 

She waved her wand and the furniture slid back to clear a space, which was filled a moment later by a comfortable looking chair with a low back that Stephanie scrambled up into. Erzie gave her a reassuring smile and reached into the little bag at her waist. Stephanie’s eyes widened as she pulled out several items in rapid succession, none of which looked like they could fit into the little bag together. 

 

First, a little thermometer went into Stephanie’s mouth. Then a little metal ball went into each hand. Then a camera was set up in front of her (and she nearly dropped the balls when  _ that _ came out, tripod and all) and a handle started turning on the side of it. Finally, Erzebet pulled out a yard stick and began walking around Stephanie taking measurements. A little clipboard leapt into the air, along with a quill, following the Healer around as she worked, scribbling. 

 

Stephanie did her best to sit still, feeling a little silly, but she’d already learned that magic sometimes looked weird, and she just had to trust that the doctor...healer knew what she was doing. 

 

The thermometer went first. Erzebet pulled it out, hummed thoughtfully, and looked at the clipboard before nodding. Next she took the balls from Stephanie, levitating them away with a wave of her wand, and consulted the clipboard again. She took a few more measurements, then stopped the camera and pulled several sheets of paper out of it, covered in weird symbols. She stood, flipping through the clipboard and the papers from the camera, as the quill darted in to make the occasional note at a flick of her finger. 

 

Erzebet looked up with a smile. “The first thing is that you’re perfectly healthy. A little on the slender side, but healthy.”

 

Mum let out a breath of relief. “Always good to hear. Now, what can we do for her...condition?”

 

Erzebet sat down on a chair that placed her eye to eye with Stephanie, which popped out of her wand with a wave. “First, I’d like to ask you a few questions. They will seem rude at times, but I assure you, I mean no harm by them.”

 

Stephanie nodded.

  
  


“Have you experienced any wet dreams, growth in the genital area, or started showing any of the signs of the onset of puberty?”

 

Stephanie gaped at her. “Um...no? I don’t think so.”

 

Erzebet nodded. “I thought not, but best to be sure. Are you comfortable with your genitals?”

 

Stephanie blushed. “No,” she whispered softly. 

 

“Nothing to be ashamed of, dear, some are, some aren’t. Have you considered whether you want to have children?”

 

Stephanie blinked. “I can’t.”

 

Erzebet cocked her head. “Allow me to rephrase that, dear. Do you want children?”

 

“I...I never thought about it.”

 

“That’s fair,” she said with a nod. “How do you feel about taking medicine?”

 

Stephanie grinned. “I’ll do anything.”

 

Erzebet gave her a sharp look. “You most certainly will not. You will do what is prescribed, and nothing more. You are not to experiment, you are not to attempt alternate treatments without consulting me, and you will most definitely not get creative with your medication. Is that understood?”

 

Stephanie nodded meekly. 

 

Erzebet gave her a lingering stare. “Now,  _ if _ medication is prescribed, can you keep to a regimen?”

 

Stephanie nodded. “Um, why does everyone seem to think I’m going to go crazy and do something dumb?”

 

Erzebet softened. “Because you wouldn’t be the first girl or boy to get desperate at slow progress, and try something drastic. Speaking of, do you have a counselor?”

 

Stephanie shook her head. “But I was told I could talk to Madam Hinze at Hogwarts.”

 

Erzebet nodded. “Do that. Please. Now then: treatment.”

 

Stephanie took a deep breath. “What, um, how far can I, um-”

 

“It will start very slow, regardless,” Erzebet said calmly. “The standard course of treatment at your age begins with a weekly potion, to prevent or halt the onset of puberty.”

 

Mum twitched. “Is that dangerous?”

 

Erzebet shook her head. “The risks are minimal, especially when the potion is administered by a qualified Healer. I can administer it to begin with, and while at school Madams Hinze and Pomfrey can take over. We’ll know fairly immediately if there’s going to be an abreaction, and can alter plans accordingly.”

 

Stephanie shivered. ‘And when...when will I start to see changes?”

 

“You won’t, not on the first potion,” the healer said bluntly. Stephanie sagged as she continued, “You’ll need to be on the stabilizing potion for a year to condition your body for the potions to come. After a minimum of a year, you can begin the potion that will start to alter your appearance, sending you into female puberty.”

 

Stephanie licked her lips. “Will that...change...my, um, bits?”

 

“No,” Erzebet said. “It will help your body develop the right shape, and it will allow you to grow breasts, but it will not change your genitals. 

 

Stephanie’s face fell. “Is there anything we can do to make them right?”

 

Erzebet sighed. “There are a number of options, but...first, you must understand that most of those options will render you sterile.”

 

Stephanie frowned. “What?”

 

“You’ll be unable to have children.”

 

Stephanie licked her lips. “How would I have children if I...you mean like a boy does?”

 

Erzebet shook her head. “There are options if you wish to have children without using your genitals as they are. But all of them involve your genitals at least functioning to some degree.”

 

Stephanie felt her heart stutter. “So I have to decide if I want kids now?”

 

Mum put an arm around her shoulders. “That seems a little...harsh, Healer.”

 

“I know, and I’m sorry,” Erzebet said quietly. “I will tell you, and I don’t want you to get your hopes up, but there is a small chance that you may be able to have children as a woman.”

Stephanie’s hands went to her abdomen, imagining a child growing inside her, and her heart soared. “I...I could have babies?”

 

“There is a very small chance, yes. Using certain transfigurations in combination with certain potions, and a number of surgeries, it is possible for a young lady like yourself to become a fully functional female.” At the look of wonder on Stephanie’s face, she hurriedly added, “but the success rate is quite low. Please don’t pin your hopes on it.”

 

Stephanie swallowed and nodded, but her hands rubbed her abdomen unconsciously. “Is...is the success rate still low if I become a woman, but can’t have babies?”

 

Erzebet looked at her measuringly. “I’m not going to lie to you. Surgery and potions can get you to the point of looking like a biological female, even being able to have sexual relations like a biological female. But beyond the most basic function, it’s a hard way to go. The first surgery would need to occur when you’d been on the potions for at least two years. If you wanted only the appearance, and minimal function, you could stop there. 

 

“If you wanted more natural function, there would need to be a second, transfigurative surgery a year later. Finally, if you wanted to try for fertility, there would need to be a further three surgeries, each six months apart, each involving a delicate combination of charms, transfiguration, and potions. And with each surgery after the first, you risk losing any gains you’ve had, necessitating further surgeries to correct the losses.” 

“And, to be blunt, you can go through all the surgeries one hundred percent successfully, and not achieve anything. We can give you everything you need biologically, give you fertility potions to boost you to the point of being able to conceive, and you might simply lose the child. I’ve had patients who have never been able to carry to term, simply because all the best surgery and healing magics in the world can’t overcome their natural physical state completely.”

 

Stephanie felt Mum’s arm squeezing her tightly and she reached up to wipe the tears that were falling from her eyes away. 

 

“That’s...that’s more than Muggle doctors can do,” Mum said softly. “A lot more.”

 

Erzebet smiled. “Magic does have its uses. But please, tell me you haven’t only heard, ‘I could have a baby’?”

 

Stephanie laughed, gasping through her tears. “No, I...I understand it probably won’t happen. And I understand I’ll be fourteen or fifteen before you can...before you can fix me.” She wiped her eyes again. “Umm...what does minimal function mean?”

 

Erzebet looked at Mum carefully. Mum smiled slightly. “We had the talk last year.”

 

“It means you’ll have something that looks, superficially, like a vagina, and you’ll be able to have penetrative sex pleasurably. It won’t have all the same internal structures, and it won’t be as sensitive as a biological vagina, but it will function.”

 

Mum nodded slightly. “And the second surgery?”

 

“Would be to create the more complex nerve structure as well as making it look and function internally more like a biological vagina.”

 

Stephanie felt light headed, and her eyes were a little sandy from the tears she couldn’t seem to control. “I...that’s more than I hoped for,” she said softly. 

 

Erzebet smiled. Then her face grew still and when she spoke next, her voice was measured. “Now, I want to bring up something you may find unpleasant, but it needs to be said.”

 

Stephanie nodded, wiping her eyes again.

 

Erzebet leaned forward. “Your current genitals are perfectly healthy. If, and I am not implying that you should or should not, but if you choose at some point to keep them, there is nothing wrong with that.”

 

Stephanie’s face twisted. “Why would I?”

 

Erzebet looked at her intently. “I’m going to say this as clearly as possible: you are a healthy young  _ girl _ . What’s between your legs doesn’t matter. You should not feel pressured to undergo surgery because you believe that you cannot be a girl without it.”

 

Stephanie gaped at her. “But...but…”

 

“There are boys who go their entire lives quite happily with a vagina, and girls who go their entire lives with a penis.  _ This is perfectly fine _ . There’s nothing wrong with choosing to keep a healthy set of genitals over surgery. Further, keeping your genitals does increase the chance that you may someday have children. I say that not to sway you, but because it would be unfair to describe the possibilities of one without the possibilities of the other.”

 

Stephanie nodded, feeling slightly numb. Keep her...her...thing? “I...I don’t…”

 

Erzebet raised a hand. “You have three years at least before that decision comes up. I only raise it so that you know you have that option, and that there’s nothing wrong with choosing it.”

 

Mum squeezed her again. “What can we do today?”

 

Erzebet reached into her pouch and pulled out a black bottle. “If you want, you can take your first dose of potion today.”

 

Stephanie blinked and stared at the bottle. “I can?”

 

Erzebet nodded. 

 

Mum cleared her throat. “Is it something I can administer? I just hate to think of you coming out here every week just to give her a dose of medicine.”

 

“First, I don’t mind in the slightest. Second, there is a chance that if the dose is wrong she could have a negative reaction. Eventually, she can learn to administer it herself, but for the first year or so, I’d like to have a healer on hand.”

 

Mum nodded. “Um, I’m...I’m not sure I can afford you to come out every week.”

 

Erzebet smiled. “She only needs it once a week for the first month. After that, it’s every two weeks. And,” she said, rummaging in her pouch, and producing a sheaf of papers, “if you’ll just fill this out, NHS will cover the costs.”

 

Mum stared at her. “NHS.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“NHS covers magical medicine.”

 

“Well, they don’t know they do, but yes. After all, wizards pay taxes too.”

 

Mum grinned. “That’s brilliant. Let me grab a pen.”

 

Mum  got up and vanished into her office. Stephanie looked at Erzebet for a moment, swallowed and blurted out, “Do girls like me that keep their things...does anyone...can we find people?”

 

Erzebet nodded. “I know more than one young lady like you who has chosen not to have surgery who comes in with her husband, wife, boyfriend, or girlfriend. I even do pediatric care for some of their children, adopted or born to them.”

 

Stephanie shivered. “But...I  _ hate _ it.”

 

“And that’s something to talk to Madam Hinze about,” Erzebet said softly. She reached forward and took Stephanie’s hands in her own. “I’m not saying you shouldn’t have the surgery, dear. I’m saying you shouldn’t feel as though you have to have it.”

 

Stephanie nodded, feeling strange inside. She heard the words, but the thought of going through life with it made her feel...ill.

 

Erzebet sat looked up at Mum came back, and reached for the bottle. “Are you ready, dear?”

 

Stephanie nodded, licking her lips as she looked at the bottle. 

 

“I’m sorry, but it tastes quite unpleasant,” Erzebet said as she uncapped it. 

 

Stephanie forced a grin. “I don’t care.”

 

“Oh, you say that now,” Erzebet said with a chuckle as she measured out a dose into a small cup with lines on the side. Stephanie’s eyes widened at the size of the dose. Erzebet held the cup out to her. “Just wait until you’ve had to take it for a month.”

 

Stephanie held the cup and stared into the greenish liquid. Just a year. Just a year and she could start changing into a girl. She raised the cup to her lips and knocked it back as best she could, swallowing it in a series of gulps. It tasted of dirt and oily grass and she coughed sharply soon as she finished. She licked her lips, wincing at the taste. “Ugh.”

 

“Told you,” Erzebet said as she scoured the cup clean with a wave of her wand. 

 

Stephanie felt a warmth start in her gut, which flashed out to her fingertips and toes and up to the top of her head all in an instant. She shivered and giggled. 

 

Erzebet gave her a knowing look and waved her wand over her a bit. “Hmm. No bad reactions. That’s good.”

 

Mum handed her the filled out paperwork. “I’m almost afraid to ask, but...what would have happened if she’d had a bad reaction?”

 

“Fever, joint pain, and her eyes will change color temporarily.”

 

Mum blinked. “Oh. But...what would that have meant for her?”

 

Erzebet smiled. “There are several potions. This is simply the one I find most commonly effective.”

 

Mum smiled back. “Good.”

 

Erzebet stood up, helped Stephanie out of the chair, and then set the living room to rights with a few waves of her wand. “Now, there should be no ill effects, but if you feel any of the symptoms I mentioned, I expect to do exactly this: go stand on the curb the both of you, and Stephanie, hold your wand out. A large double decker will appear. They’re to take you to St. Mungo’s, you will need about seven sickles to pay them. Walk up to the plate glass window and announce that you’re there for treatment. Once you get inside, tell them you’re having a reaction to a Halting Elixir, and have them send for me. Follow their instructions after that and you’ll be fine.”

 

Mum nodded. “Got it. It isn’t...life threatening, is it?”

 

Erzebet shook her head. “No, but it can be quite painful, depending on the strength of the reaction.”

 

Mum winced. “Let’s hope it doesn’t happen, then.”

 

“As I said, it shouldn’t, but I want you to know what to do in case.” She smiled. “Now, not to pry, but do you have a back yard? I don’t like to disapparate out in the middle of the street.”

 

Mum led her through the house, Stephanie trailing along behind, and let her out into the back yard. Erzebet waved and called, “See you in a week.”

 

And then, with a sound like a whip cracking, she disappeared. Stephanie jumped and then her face lit up. “She can teleport!”

 

Mum laughed. “It’s apparently called Apparition, but yes, she can.”

 

Stephanie did a little dance. “I’m going to learn to  _ teleport _ !”

 

Mum shook her head. “That’s going to make my life interesting.”

 

Stephanie giggled and then licked her lips and made a face. “Mum, can I have a juice or something?”

 

Mum grinned and nodded.

 

Two glasses of juice later, the taste in her mouth had finally waved the white flag. She went into the living room to retrieve her watch and the locket. Then she went to the bathroom again.

 

She stood in front of the mirror, holding the watch, the locket set aside for now and stared at her reflection. Finally, she shoved her shorts down and stared at her groin, face flat. People really kept it? Could she? 

 

She stared until her vision started to blur, and then hastily slapped the watch on, shuddering with relief when it vanished again. No. No, she couldn’t imagine that. Eyes on the illusion, she forced herself through the ordeal of putting the locket back on, and then pulled her shorts back up. She put her earrings back on, straightened up her hair, and went out to see about lunch.

 

She would have that surgery if it killed her. 

 

~~~~~~

 

Time flew by, Stephanie studying her textbooks with a combination of confusion and wonder. The magical theory book was both the best and worst. On the one hand, it made some of the others make sense. On the other, it was frequently nonsense to her, which was frustrating. History of Magic was interesting, if only because she learned about a whole other world that was just as real as her own. And despite knowing that she wasn’t allowed, and despite there being nothing about self transfiguration in the book, she still studied transfiguration most closely, although potions came a close second. 

 

The weeks were punctuated by visits from Erzebet, who examined her each time, before administering the potion. She said it was coming along nicely, but Stephanie couldn’t see any change. When she mentioned that to Erzebet, the Healer just smiled and said the changes were all inside her. The potion never got any easier to take, unfortunately, and Stephanie learned quickly to have a cup of strong tea waiting with a great deal of milk and sugar in it waiting to rinse the taste out of her mouth. On the other hand, she got plenty of practice with taking the locket off and putting it back on, although she more often than not resorted to her little cheat of putting her charmed watch on first and using it as an aid to get her through putting the locket on.

 

Soon enough, she was counting down the last week to her first day of school. Mum was a little teary at the thought of going months without seeing her, and Stephane got a little teary herself, but she was so excited that she just couldn’t sustain it for very long. 

 

Nights were a whole different story. She’d actually managed to sleep in the locket the last few weeks, but now it weighed heavy on her. She was going to be sleeping in a dorm with other girls. What if they found out? What if they hated her? What if she had to move into the boys dorm? All the what ifs kept her up at night, and she slept poorly the last few days before the big day.

 

Erzebet came to see her for a special check up the day before she went to school. She sat through the now familiar examination, and then Erzebet stayed to talk to them for a little bit. 

 

“So you just...walk through the barrier?” Mum asked.

 

“Yes,” Erzebet said laughing. “I swear to you, I’m not having you on.”

 

“And no one notices this?”

 

“Well, you should try and do it at a moment when no one’s looking, but no. Usually no one notices, and if they do, they get their memories modified.”

 

Mum blinked. “You can change people’s memories?”

 

“I can’t, I’m not very good at it. But yes, it is possible. Nervous, Stephanie?”

 

Stephanie jerked. “Um, yeah.”

 

Erzebet smiled. “Don’t be. You’ll be fine.”

 

Stephanie swallowed. “But what if they find out?”

 

Erzebet hesitated. “I won’t promise you that it won’t be unpleasant. But it might not be. And your friends probably won’t care.”

 

Stephanie nodded, but her skepticism was obvious on her face. 

 

Erzebet smiled. “Besides, I doubt anyone will care. After all, they’ll be too busy looking at your hair.”

 

Stephanie frowned. “My…”

 

Erzebet reached into her back and pulled out a tall pink bottle. “Your Mum asked me to pick it up.”

 

Stephanie squealed and ran around the table to hug Mum. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

 

Mum laughed. “I thought you deserved a present, and Mr. Elora was only too happy to provide.”

 

It took a little help from Erzebet, but they managed to figure the potion out and an hour later Stephanie was admiring her bright pink hair. 

 

Mum brushed it back behind her ears with a smile. “Now, Mr. Elora said that you only need to rub a little of it into your scalp once a week to keep it looking good. And if you run out, let me know, and I’ll send Murderball with a small bottle, but hopefully this should last you the full year.”

 

Stephanie turned and hugged her mum tightly. “Thank you!” she whispered. Then she startled Erzebet by hugging her fiercely too. “And thank you for bringing it! And for, well, everything!”

 

Erzebet smiled and hugged her back. “Not a problem, little one. Now, I really must go, sadly. I have other patients to look in on, and I’ve stayed far later than I planned.”

 

Mum grinned. “Sorry about that, Erzie.”

 

“No, no, I’ve enjoyed myself, Ellie,” Erzebet said, smiling and blushing slightly. 

 

Stephanie looked from one adult to the other and something clicked in her head. She hugged Erzebet again on the back stoop, and then they all waved at each other before the Healer disappeared with a crack. 

 

Stephanie sidled up to her mum and bumped her hip into her leg. “So, how long have you fancied my Healer, Mum?”

 

Mum jumped. “What on earth...how did you...what gave you that idea?”

 

“The way you kept trying not to look at each other when she was leaving.”

 

Mum sighed. “Look, it’s...well, she’s…” Mum trailed off and grinned helplessly. “You think she likes me too?”

 

Stephanie giggled. “Maybe. Ask her to tea or something. Without me around to get underfoot, and, you know, tease you mercilessly.”

 

Mum thwapped her gently on the side of the head. “None of that sass, young lady.”

 

Stephanie stuck her tongue out, and then stared at her Mum pensively. “Mum? How come you never told me you fancied girls?”

 

Mum coughed. “Well...I didn’t see how it was any of your business, to be honest.”

 

“But...haven’t you been lonely?”

 

“Well...I just...it’s not like I meet a lot of people in my job. And I have you,” she said, giving her a hug. 

 

Stephanie hugged her back and then leaned back and booped her nose. “You should totally try for it, though, Mum. I think she really likes you.”

 

Mum grinned. “Well, maybe I will.”

 

Stephanie grinned back. “I might like having two mums.”

 

Mum jerked, blushing. “Let’s not plan weddings, shall we?”

 

~~~~~~

 

The platform was insane. First the Muggle platform, with its harried commuters rushing around, then, after a discreet lean and a few steps back, they found themselves on the wizard platform ,surrounded by magical folk rushing about trying to get things sorted. Stephanie had insisted on leaving Murderball home so Mum couldn’t chicken out about contacting Erzebet, pointing out that she could probably use an owl at school if it came to it, and that Mum could always send the little owl to her. 

 

Still, even without the little owl, they were hauling a trunk filled with clothes, robes, and school supplies. Stephanie drew a few stares with her hot pink hair, and she did her best to smile when she caught people looking, reminding herself that it was the hair, and not that they could tell something else was different. 

 

She had a little carry bag with a set of robes in it to change into and a couple of her books (as well as a couple of comic books) slung over her shoulder, a fact she was grateful for when a porter took her trunk away for stowing. She double-checked that she had her wand, and then stood there on the platform, feeling a little lost and more than a bit scared.

 

Mum hugged her gently. “You can do this, Stephy. Nothing bad’s going to happen. You’re going to have loads of fun and learn all kinds of neat things.” 

 

Stephanie took a deep breath and nodded. “Right. Everything’s going to be fine.”

 

She hugged Mum back and got on the train before she could lose her nerve. 

 

The interior of the train was even madder than the platform. There dozens of kids milling about, trying to find seats, trying to find their friends, clogging the aisles. There were little bits of magic flickering back and forth, and twice Stephanie ducked what looked like a tiny paper dragon zipping about shooting off sparks. Another quick jump to the side dodged a sparkling mass of light that whizzed by. Out of breath, and overwhelmed, she ducked into the nearest empty compartment and slid into a seat by the window. 

 

She searched the platform for Mum, and waved when she found her. One advantage of the pink hair, she thought with a grin as Mum waved back, was that Mum could spot her instantly. The train pulled out of the station, and Stephanie waved to Mum as long as she could see her. Then she settled back into the seat and began rummaging in her bag, trying to decide if she wanted a book or a comic.

 

The compartment door opened and she turned, struggling to keep her composure, to see a blond boy staring at her curiously. “Anyone else sitting here?”

 

Stephanie shook her head, and the boy waved at the seat opposite her. “You mind if I-?”

 

She shook her head again. He cocked an eyebrow and took his seat, looking at her. She blushed under his frankly appraising gaze, and turned to look out the window again. 

 

“Not trying to be rude, but can you talk? I mean, there’s this kid who has to talk with his hands, so-”

 

“I can talk,” she said in a tiny voice. 

 

“Oh. Just shy, then?”

 

She shrugged. “Not, um, usually.”

 

He grinned. “Stunned by my good looks?”

 

She snorted out a laugh, and turned to look at him, teasingly looking him from head to toe. He had tanned  skin, sharp, boyish features, wavy blond hair, and a cocky smile. As she considered him, he wasn’t all that bad. 

 

She shook her head. “Nah, can’t be that,” she teased.

 

“Well, as long as we’re clear on that,” he said with a laugh. He stuck out his hand. “George Hearst.”

 

She took it and gave it a firm shake. “Stephanie Mallow.”

 

“Nice to meet you, Steph. Can I ask a question?”

 

Her heartbeat revved. “Um, sure?”

 

“How did you get your hair that color?”

 

She relaxed and grabbed her ponytail, pulling it in front of her to look at it. “Potion, actually. Mum bought it as a going away present.”

 

He grinned. “Surprised you’re not in ruffles.”

 

She blinked. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

“Only joking,” he backpedaled, putting his hands up. “Just haven’t met that many girls who’ll admit to liking pink that much.”

 

She frowned. “Huh. Well, I wouldn’t dress in pink from head to toe, or anything like that, but...I like my hair this color. Makes me feel pretty.”

 

He shook his head, grinning. “Me, I’d do red, but my Mum and Dad would never say yes. Have to uphold the family honor and all that.”

 

Stephanie grinned. “Well, I don’t have any family honor to speak of. Though if I get low grades, Mum might have my head.”

 

“And your Dad?”

 

Stephanie coughed and looked out the window. “Dad wasn’t ever a big part of my life. No part, actually. He ran as fast as he could when Mum came up pregnant with me. I’ve never met him.”

 

George sighed. “Sorry, I have this tendency to shove my foot into my mouth and swallow it til it comes out the other end.”

 

Stephanie giggled at the mental image. “No, it’s all right. I’m not offended or anything. So...um...are you...well...from a magic family?”

 

He frowned. “Yes, but we don’t hold with that nonsense.”

 

“What nonsense?” 

 

“The whole pureblood, halfblood nonsense.”

 

Stephanie felt a little lost. “Look, I think I may have asked a bad question. I’m muggleborn, and-”

 

“Oh! Oh, so you...oh. Look, Steph, a few years back there was a big thing about being born to magical parents, and it’s still a bit of a touchy thing for some people. You can’t just ask out like that.”

 

Stephanie blushed again. “Mmmm, foot.”

 

He grinned. “Sorry for jumping all over you. What was your actual question, then?”

 

She looked down and then gave him a shy smile. “What’s to like to grow up with magic?”

 

“I...you know, I...it’s...um...I dunno, what’s it like to grow up without it?”

 

“Fair enough,” she thought about it for a moment. “It’s like, all this time, everything is boring and normal, and then a man in awful clothes shows up and tells you, congratulations, fairytales are real, how’d you like to be a witch?”

 

George laughed. “Awful clothes?”

 

She giggled. “So awful! Like, he looked like he was attacked by an angry fabric store!”

 

She described his clothes and with every item, George laughed harder. Just as she was trying to describe his shoes, the compartment door opened to reveal a harried looking teenager. She stopped short and grinned at them. “Sounds like you two are having fun. Do you mind some company? Everywhere else is full.”

 

They shook their heads, and the girl stepped out of the way. “Ok, you heard them. In!”

 

Stephanie opened her mouth to ask how many people were joining them, when in stepped a girl who looked about their age. She stared at her hair as Stephanie nodded to her. She had brown hair, and big eyes and a spate of freckles across her nose and cheeks. The teenager stepped in behind her and closed the door, before sitting down. Stephanie looked between them and realized they were probably sisters. Stephanie moved over to sit next to George so the younger girl could sit next to her sister.

 

“Um, hi. I’m Stephanie Mallow,” she said, sticking out her hand. The older girl shook it.

 

“Genevieve Halstrom. Cute hair, by the by. And this,” she said, putting her hand on the younger girl’s shoulder, “is Sunshine, my younger sister.”

 

Sunshine turned crimson and stuck out her hand without saying a word. George intercepted it and pulled it to his lips for a kiss. “George Hearst.”

 

Her face flamed as she snatched her hand back. Stephanie rolled her eyes and smacked him on the arm. “George!”

 

He grinned. “Struck out with two ravishing ladies.” He waggled his eyebrows at Genevieve. 

 

She pulled a magazine out of her purse and flipped it open. “Nice try, kiddo, but I’ve at least five years on you.”

 

He shrugged. “Can’t blame a boy for trying.”

 

Stephanie’s stomach flipped. “You think I’m ravishing?”

 

He blinked. “Uh...yeah? I mean, you’re very pretty?”

 

“Oh. I’m sorry for saying you weren’t that good looking, then.”

 

He grinned. “Does that mean I can have a kiss then?”

 

She smacked him on the leg. “You are a cad, sir.”

 

He sighed mournfully, pulling such awful faces that she had to laugh. He grinned wickedly and turned to look at Sunshine. “So, what do you like to be called?”

 

She coughed. “Uh, Cindy.”

 

Stephanie smiled. “Middle name?”

 

“First name, actually,” she said quietly. Without missing a beat, she gave a sharp jab of her elbow that drew a yelp from her sister. “Someone thinks it’s funny to make up names and introduce me by them.”

 

“Well, if you’d ever introduce yourself, it wouldn’t be a problem, now would it?” Genevieve said, rubbing her side. 

 

Cindy mumbled something that no one caught. 

 

“Sorry?” George asked. 

 

She raised her voice enough to be heard. “It’s not my fault I’m shy.”

 

Stephanie smiled. “You seem to be ok?”

 

Cindy blushed. “Yeah,” she said with a little smile. “I guess I am.”

 

George gave her a nod. “Sorry if I was a bit of a git.”

 

She grinned wider. “It’s ok. Are you both first years?”

 

Stephanie nodded, as did George. 

 

“Um, what House are you hoping for?”

 

“Well, Gryffindor would be great, of course,” George smiled. “Wouldn’t mind Ravenclaw, though.”

 

Cindy smiled back. “Ravenclaw would be nice. Or Slytherin.”

 

George looked startled. “Slytherin, really?”

 

Genevieve looked up over her magazine. “Nothing wrong with Slytherin.”

 

George gaped at them. “But it’s...I mean…”

 

Genevieve lowered her magazine. “Look, kid, anti-Slytherin is old news. There’s a lot of perfectly nice, powerful, gifted witches and wizards come out of Slytherin. If my sister wants to be in Slytherin, then good for her.”

 

“What house are you in?” George asked. 

 

“Hufflepuff, actually.”

 

George shrugged. “All right, then.”

 

Genevieve nodded firmly. “How about you?” she asked, staring at Stephanie. 

 

“Um...houses? I don’t...I don’t actually know anything about houses.”

 

George grinned. “Right, muggle born. So, there’s Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, and Slytherin. It’s supposed to be that Gryffindors are brave, Ravenclaws are smart, Hufflepuffs are loyal, and Slytherins are...um…”

 

“Ambitious,” Genevieve put in. “Though in all fairness, they have a bit of a reputation as pompous gits. It’s not always fair, and it’s not always deserved, but it’s there. On the other hand, Gryffindors are seen as hotheads, Ravenclaws are seen as snobs, and Hufflepuffs are seen as the also-ran house.”

 

Stephanie swallowed. “That’s not much of a recommendation for any of them.”

 

George laughed. “No, I guess not. But the Hat will decide where we go anyway, so nothing to be done.”

 

“The hat,” Stephanie said, disbelievingly

 

“The Sorting Hat,” Cindy said. “They put it on your head and it yells out your house.”

 

Stephanie just stared. “You’re not having me on. A hat will decide how people see me.”

 

Genevieve shook her head. “No, but it will decide where you live and who you live with.”

 

Stephanie forced a laugh. “Wow. Well, alright then.”

 

She felt a hand on her shoulder and jumped. George looked at her with a friendly smile. “Nothing to worry about. It’s worked for a long time.”

 

Stephanie smiled back. “Ok. But how does-”

 

The compartment door slid open to reveal a witch with a rolling cart. “Anything from the trolley, dears?”

 

After a bit of discussion, Stephanie sprang for a couple of Cauldron Cakes and something they assured her was pumpkin juice. Genevieve convinced them all to chip in for a bag of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans, and they took turns choosing beans for each other, laughing at the faces they made. The house discussion was forgotten in favor of explaining things like Quidditch, muggle candy, electricity, and the moving pictures in Genevieve’s magazine. 

 

But at the back of Stephanie’s mind, a new worry joined her litany: what house would she be in, and how would the hat know?

 

~~~~~~ 

 

The arrival at the school was nearly as hectic as boarding. Students were everywhere, and Stephanie lost track of her compartment mates in the crush.

 

“Firs’ years! Firs’ years, over here! Firs’ years!”

 

Stephanie followed the voice to a literal giant of a man holding a lantern. She stared up at him with huge eyes as a crowd of first years until she felt an elbow in her side. She tore her gaze away to find George grinning at her. “Staring.”

 

Stephanie blushed. “Sorry.”

 

He laughed as they were led down a path to the edge of a lake, where two dozen little boats floated on the dark surface of the water. Stephanie and George clambered into a boat, where they were shortly joined by a small Asian boy. There was a patter of feet on the dock and Cindy brushed past a somewhat startled looking girl to take her place in the boat, nearly sending them over in her haste. 

 

Stephanie grinned at her. “Got somewhere to be?”

 

The brunette flushed and muttered to her feet, “Don’t know anyone else.”

 

A few minutes later, the boats were full. To Stephanie’s surprise, they set out across the lake without any further fanfare, the boats apparently moving under their own power. None of them felt like talking, apparently, too caught up in looking about at the flotilla of lantern lit boats filled with nervous and excited children, and at the shining fairytale castle atop a cliff. They passed through a curtain of ivy, the boats closing in on one another to fit into a tunnel carved into rock, and came to rest a few minutes later at a harbor in a cave. When the boats bumped up against the dock, they scrambled out and followed the giant up stone steps to a room where they stood waiting. 

 

A door opened and in stepped a familiar face. Well, familiar to Stephanie. She fought the urge to wave to Professor Longbottom, looking far more dapper in understated brown and green robes. He cleared his throat and waved for silence.

 

“Now, in a moment, we’ll go into the great hall, and you’ll be sorted into your houses, of which there are four: Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. Your house will be your home, your family, and your closest friends while here at Hogwarts. During the school year, points will be given to your house for good behavior, and taken from your house for bad behavior. At the end of the year, the house with the most points wins the House Cup. After the sorting, there will be a feast, and then you’ll be off to your dorms for the night. Don’t worry about your things, they’re being brought up, and they’ll be taken to your dorm once you’re sorted.” 

 

There was a bit of nervous murmuring, and Longbottom nodded, giving them an encouraging smile. “Right, everyone ready? Come along, then.”

 

Stephanie fell in with the huddle of kids as they trooped out into a massive room. She goggled at the sight of hundreds of floating candles, and blushed under the eyes of what felt like hundreds of students, seated at four huge tables. She followed the line of students up to the front of the hall, where Professor Longbottom waved them to a halt. Sitting on a stool in front of them was a truly horrifically battered hat. As they watched, Stephanie in astonishment, a rip on the base of the hat opened and it began to sing. 

 

Stephanie barely heard a word of the weird song the Hat put out, jittering up and down in place with nerves, and more than a little weirded out that a singing hat was going to decide her fate. 

 

The hat finished its song and Professor Longbottom stepped up next to it. He unrolled a parchment and began calling names. The kid belonging to the name called went up, sat on the stool, and wore the hat. Some kids were up there for only a moment, some were up there for a minute, and a few were up there several tense minutes. Cindy went to Slytherin after a few minutes, while George was almost instantly put in Gryffindor. Stephanie felt her shakes calm a little. It looked like she’d know someone in at least three of the houses. 

 

At last, Professor Longbottom called out, “Stephanie Mallow.”

 

She walked forward, blushing as everyone watched her, and hopped on the stool. Professor Longbottom placed the hat on her head, and she jumped at hearing it muttering in her ear. 

 

“Hmm, here’s a puzzle. Plenty of bravery, bravery by the boatload, keen mind, friendly and kind, and oh, the ambitions, the things you want. But what’s it to be, what’s it to be? Any house would gain from you, and you’d gain from any house. But those ambitions really are astonishingly strong, so nothing for it but SLYTHERIN!”

 

Stephanie grinned at the applause and cheers from her new housemates and walked over to plop down next to Cindy, who gave her a hug that caught her off guard. They sat together, watching the rest of the sorting. When it was over, Professor McGonagall stood up and clapped her hands. 

 

“Welcome to Hogwarts to our new students, and to our returning students, welcome back. Now, let us enjoy.”

 

And with another clap, the tables suddenly filled with food. Stephanie jumped slightly at the sudden appearance, but quickly filled her plate. 

 

As she ate, the other first years started talking amongst themselves. She listened, but the conversation was mostly about who knew who, so she didn’t have much to contribute.

 

“So what’s with the hair?”

 

She blinked, mouth full of a lovely pudding, swallowed and looked at the girl who’d asked, Donna Greensomething. “Um, it’s pink?”

 

There were a couple of snorts and a few chuckles, and Donna rolled her eyes. “I can see that. Why?”

 

Stephanie shrugged. She was beginning to think she was going to sick of answering this question fairly quickly. “I like it. It makes me feel pretty.”

 

Donna squinted at her. “Huh. Doesn’t it make you feel, I dunno, kinda silly?”

 

“No,” Stephanie said firmly. “I liked it as soon as I saw it, and I still do. Like I said, it makes me feel pretty.”

 

Donna shrugged. “Well, I’d feel silly with pink hair.”

 

“Then don’t wear your hair pink,” Cindy spat out, startling everyone by speaking for the first time since she’d sat down. She blushed, obviously a little startled herself, and quickly shoved a spoonful of pie into her mouth.

 

The conversation turned away from her hair, to Stephanie’s relief, and to classes. Soon enough the feast was over, and the plates cleared themselves away. Stephanie grinned, wondering if that was a spell she could learn. Mum would certainly appreciate it. 

 

There were a few announcements, mostly about not falling in the lake, not going in the forest, and so on. Then they were off and following their prefects through a maze of staircases and hallways that quickly blurred for Stephanie. “I don’t know how I’m going to find anything,” Stephanie muttered to Cindy. The other girl grinned and murmured back, “I’ve got a pretty good head for it. Just follow me, you’ll soon get it.”

 

Stephanie shot her a grin, and a nod. 

 

Down and down they went until they were in what were obviously the castle dungeons. Stephanie tried to look everywhere at once, and almost missed it when they stopped in a corridor halfway down. 

 

“All right, listen up,” one of the prefects called out. “The password changes once a fortnight. Right now, it’s  _ wormwood _ .”

 

And to Stephanie’s delight and shock, a section of the wall swung inward, revealing a hidden passage. The students crowded into the passage, and Stephanie’s delight turned to dismay as she caught sight of the common room. It looked exactly like someone had stuck a sitting room in a dungeon. Everything was dark, there were lots of snakes and skulls in the decor, and the primary colors were black, silver, and green. Even the lights were green, giving the whole place an eerie, underwater look. She looked around, feeling horribly out of place, and shuddered at the thought of spending the next several years in this gloomy place. 

 

“Lovely,” she muttered sarcastically. 

 

Donna heard her and turned, a malicious grin on her face. “Not what you were expecting? Wanted something with a bit more pink?”

 

Stephanie shrugged, blushing. “I’d settle for yellow light. It looks cold and damp.”

 

One of the prefects laughed. “It does at that. You can get used to it, or,” he pulled out his wand and tapped a candle, muttering something. The candle instantly blazed with a warm, orange yellow glow that warmed Stephanie to her core. 

 

“Oh!” she said, pushing through the crowd. “How did you do that?”

 

The boy smiled. “Simple color changing charm.” He pointed the wand at the flame again and said, “ _ Colovaria _ .” The light turned blue this time, and Stephanie grinned. 

 

She pulled out her wand to give it a go, and the boy winced. “First spell?”

 

She nodded. 

 

“Well...alright, but be careful.”

 

He stood back, wand at the ready. She took a deep breath, pictured bright sunshine yellow, and pointed her wand. “ _ Colovaria _ .”

 

The candle guttered and suddenly put out an orangeish, sulfury glow, smoking unpleasantly. Stephanie blinked. “Well, that’s not what I had in mind!”

 

The boy laughed. “Let me guess, you just thought of the color?”

 

She nodded. 

 

“Ok, try picturing the  _ flame _ that color.”

 

She nodded, pictured a bright yellow flame, and jabbed her wand at it. “ _ Colovaria! _ ”

 

The candle flickered and settled into a warm, golden glow. Stephanie did a little dance on the spot. 

 

“Not bad!” The boy said, smiling. “You might be a good hand at charms!”

 

Donna sniffed and muttered something about, “surprised it isn’t pink.”

 

Stephanie stuck her tongue out, and then turned back to the older boy. “Does it only work on candles?”

 

He shook his head. “It works on most anything. It’s in your Standard Book of Spells, if you want to read up on it.” 

 

Stephanie nodded. “I will! So, um, where do we sleep?”

 

He pointed at a hallway leading off to the right. “Girl’s dorms are through there. Your things should be sitting by your assigned bed. It’s four to a room, but you can trade if the others are willing. No boys allowed, under pain of pain.” 

 

Stephanie shivered, and forced a smile. “Got it.” She turned to Cindy. “Come on, let’s see if we’ve got a room together!”

 

She approached the door with some caution, a fear niggling at the back of her mind. McGonagall had said the locket was fool proof, but…

 

She stepped quickly down the hallway, and when nothing happened, she let out a sigh of relief. Cindy looked at her oddly. “What?”

 

“Nothing,” Stephanie said, grinning. For the first time, she was a bit glad of the locket. Not too glad, but at least she hadn’t had a door come slamming down in her face, or been sent stumbling back by a wall of force, or whatever it was that happened to boys who tried to get into the Slytherin girl’s dorm. 

 

The dorms were just as bad as the common room, greens and silvers doing nothing to lighten the gloom of the dark walls. Stephanie quickly found her dorm, and was delighted to discover that she shared a dorm with Cindy. She was less than excited to discover she also shared a room with Donna. A slim girl with a shock of red hair in a pixie cut named Amiline rounded out the room. 

 

Stephanie, slightly drunk with power after learning to cast her first spell, eyed the room with a grin. “Anyone object to a bit of lightening up?”

 

“I like it how it is,” Donna shot back. “It’s dark and mysterious.”

 

Stephanie snorted.

 

Amiline grinned as she fingered her bed curtains. “What’s you have in mind?”

 

Stephanie smiled. “I just learned a spell that changes colors, and I thought I’d turn the walls white.”

 

Cindy grinned. “Gen gets Mum to use it to change her room at least once a month.”

 

“Can’t she do it herself?” Stephanie asked, frowning. “It’s not hard.”

 

“Oh, probably, but you’re not allowed to do magic outside school until you’re 17.”

 

Stephanie stared at her in amazement. “That’s dumb.”

 

Donna laughed. “What are you, muggle born?”

 

“Yes, actually,” Stephanie said stiffly. 

 

Donna chuckled. “Well, that explains the hair then.”

 

Stephanie glared at her, but it was Amiline who replied. “You sound like a stupid blood purist when you say things like that.”

 

“What?” Donna snorted. “Don’t be stupid, I’m just saying that only a muggleborn would be silly enough to turn their hair a dumb color like pink.”

 

The other girls stared at her in silence. 

 

“Maybe you should switch rooms,” Cindy said in a flat voice. 

 

Donna crossed her arms, pulling in on herself. “Why should I? You’re the ones being sensitive. It’s just a joke, is all.”

 

Stephanie shrugged, angry and hurt, and not entirely sure why it mattered to her that much that her parents weren’t magical. Nor why it mattered to Donna.  “Sounded like you meant it.”

 

Donna turned her back, nose in the air. “Well, I’m not leaving just because you can’t take a joke.”

 

“Fine,” Amiline said softly. “Don’t. But if I hear another blood purist comment out of your mouth, I’m taking it up with Professor Bassenthwaite.”

 

Donna glared at her, and pointedly turned to unpack her trunk.

 

Stephanie frowned. “Who?” she asked softly. 

 

Amiline smiled. “Our head of house. He’s potions master, too, which seems to be something of a tradition I guess.”

 

“And he wouldn’t…”

 

Amiline grinned. “From what I’ve heard, no, he doesn’t much care for blood purist comments. Can you really change the walls to white?”

 

Stephanie pulled out her wand. “Let’s find out.”

 

~~~~~~

 

Tristram Bassenthwaite stared at the room. The walls were the color of jersey cows, with additional patches of grey here and there. The draperies were several shades of green, black, silver, and lavender. One girl’s hair was pink, although he’d been assured that was supposed to be that way, and standing slowly fuming in the middle of the room was a girl who was violently pink from head to toe, as though she’d been dipped in a paint bucket.

 

“What…” he coughed and hid a smile. “Happened?”

 

The pink haired girl twiddled her wand. “I, um, learnt  _ colovaria _ , and I, um, may have gotten carried away trying to turn the walls white.”

 

He coughed again. “And you didn’t succeed?”

 

“Not...well, it worked just fine...after two or three tries, only...Donna didn’t like it, so…”

 

He looked at the pink girl. “You tried to change them back.”

 

Donna nodded angrily. “But she wouldn’t let me!”

 

The red headed girl shuffled her feet. “I, um, may have gotten into things too, at that point. Only, I’m not very good at it, so,” she shrugged and waved at the splashes of lavender.

 

The little brunette sighed. “Me too.”

 

“So at what point,” he asked Donna, fighting down laughter, “did you get changed pink?”

 

Stephanie blushed. “She, um, called me a stupid cow, and I just...zapped her without thinking.”

 

Bassenthwaite coughed sharply into his hand, finding breathing getting a little difficult around the laughter he was swallowing. His mouth worked, trying to find words, and he finally settled on, “Why pink?”

 

Stephanie shrank slightly. “She said my hair was dumb, that only a muggleborn would change their hair pink.”

 

The urge to laugh died. “I see. Well, then. Ten points from each of you for fighting. An extra twenty points from Ms. Greengrass for her ugly comments. And I will see the lot of you this Saturday for detention. Am I clear?

 

Four miserable nods.

 

“Now, then, before you go to the infirmary, Ms. Greengrass, show of hands: who wants the walls white?”

 

Three sets of hands went up. He cast  _ colovaria _ and the walls glowed a pristine white. He cast it again a few more times, restoring the draperies to their original hunter green. 

 

“Now, then, I trust I will not have to come in and repair your room again?”

 

Four heads shook in unison. 

 

“Excellent. Ms. Greengrass, step out into the common room and I’ll be with you in a moment to take you to the infirmary.”

 

She shuffled past him. He turned and looked at Stephanie, and said in a low voice, “And five points to you, Ms. Mallow, for an excellent grasp of the color changing charm. But let’s not be turning people pink every time they say something nasty, shall we?”

 

Stephanie grinned a little at the mischief on his face. “I won’t, Professor.”

 

“Good.”

 

He vanished from the doorway.

 

Stephanie turned to look at her roommates. “I’m sorry for getting you in trouble.”

 

Amiline laughed, a high silvery peal that made Stephanie jump, and feel just the slightest bit warm inside. 

 

“I don’t care! It was worth a detention to see the look on her bigoted face when you blasted her!”

 

Stephanie grinned and looked at Cindy. “How come you fessed up? I don’t remember you changing anything.”

 

Cindy blushed. “I didn’t. Doesn’t mean I wasn’t trying, though.”

 

Stephanie frowned. “What were you trying to do?”

 

“I was trying to change her bed clothes vomit green. If she likes green so much, she can sleep in it.”

 

Both Stephanie and Amiline laughed, drawing a shy grin from Cindy. 

 

Stephanie sat down on the edge of her bed with a sigh. “Sixty points, though.”

 

Amiline nodded. “Yeah. Well, fifty-five.”

 

“Think the others are going to hate us?”

 

Cindy squirmed and shook her head. “It’s not the worst that’s ever happened, and we’ll make it up.”

 

There was a knock on the door and they looked up to see a tall girl standing there. Stephanie’s heart sunk at the family resemblance. “Um, hi?”

 

“Which one of you turned my little sister pink?”

 

Stephanie raised her hand. The girl frowned. “What’d the brat say this time?”

 

“She said that only a muggleborn would be silly enough to turn her hair pink,” Amiline said.

 

The older girl sighed and banged her head gently against the doorframe. “Mum’s going to  _ kill _ her if she finds out she’s been saying that nonsense again.”

 

“Y-You’re not mad?” Stephanie asked, tentatively.

 

She grinned. “Not particularly. Donna could use a sound thrashing to set her to rights. Nothing else seems to have. And thank you for not doing something more painful.”

 

Stephanie coughed. “It’s, um, actually the only spell I know.”

 

The girl chuckled. “Lucky for Donna, then. Listen, you’ll need to learn a lot more before you can join, but swing by the Dueling Club sometime. Anyone who can use  _ colovaria _ to end a fight has a halfway decent chance of being a good duelist.”

 

Stephanie grinned. “I’m not all that into the idea of dueling, to be honest.”

 

The older girl grinned broadly. “That’s cause you’ve never seen it. Bring your friends, too, it’s a good show, and we like to pass the bug onto first years as soon as possible. Keeps the ranks thick.”

 

Stephanie started to reply, but Amiline cut her off. “We’ll be there. I love a good duel. Well, I love to watch one, at any rate.”

 

The girl smiled. “Brilliant. Oh, and I’m Hilda, Hilda Greengrass, in case they ask who asked you.”

 

They nodded, and she left with a wave. 

 

“So, you’ve seen duels before?” Stephanie asked.

 

“Yeah, my Dad and uncles sometimes duel for fun, and they’ve taken me to a few show matches. It’s loads of fun.”

 

And there was nothing for it but for Amiline to start describing her favorite duelists, including play by play descriptions of their moves, and some of the matches she’d seen. Stephanie had to admit, it all sounded very cool the way Amiline put it. They sat up talking about duels, and magic, and jinxes, and hexes until late in the night. Things got a little quiet when Donna came back, restored to her normal color (although her robes were still bright pink) but she just grabbed her night clothes and slid into bed, firmly closing the curtains behind her. 

 

At last, though, it came time to sleep. Stephanie turned her back to the others and stripped quickly, slightly embarrassed at changing in front of other girls for the first time. Better than boys, she thought as she pulled on her nightgown. She crawled into bed, delighted to discover that the covers and sheets were soft and cozy. She fingered the locket for a moment, but the excitement of the day and her first magical fight was more than enough to overcome her usual sleeping problems and she passed out without an trouble at all.

  
  



	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's officially a book. Chapter four is going to be just as long, and we're not even all the way through her first two months. Concrit welcome.

Stephanie awoke to someone shaking her. 

 

“Wha-” she muttered, staring muzzily up into a strange face. 

 

“Wake up,” Cindy said, grinning. “You’re going to miss breakfast!”

 

She groaned and sat up, hands going on instinct, first to her watch, then to the locket. It was the latter that woke her, reminding her sharply where she was. Her eyes flew open and she blinked a few times. “Tea.”

 

Cindy giggled. “Yes, there will probably be tea.”

 

“Good. Um...yes.” She crawled out of bed, still blinking slowly. She fumbled in her trunk for her robes, pulling them out and staring at them for a long moment. 

 

Cindy sighed. “You really are useless in the morning, aren’t you?”

 

Stephanie nodded absently. She shuffled in place for a moment, trying to figure out how to get the robes on. She managed it after a couple of tries, and then stood there blinking, contemplating the mystery of shoes. 

 

Amiline bounced into the room and stood vibrating on one foot. “Is she up yet?”

 

Cindy shook her head. “I think she’s a slow starter. The only thing she’s said so far is ‘tea’.”

 

Amiline sighed. “Hurry, the prefects are going around making sure everyone’s up.”

 

Stephanie carefully pulled on her favorite ruffled socks. She jumped slightly as Cindy dropped down at her feet and shoved them into her favorite shoes, the ones she’d pulled out a few minutes earlier. “You,” Cindy said as she swiftly buckled her shoes, “are going to have to learn to get up in the mornings.”

 

Stephanie nodded sagely. That made perfect sense. “Tea,” she suggested helpfully. 

 

Cindy glared at her with frustrated amusement, pulled her to her feet, checked in her bookbag to make sure she had everything for their classes, and then led her by the hand out into the common room. 

 

She wasn’t the only first year blinking helplessly, and she wasn’t even the latest one. As they stood there, the prefects and a few older students propelled a handful of sleepy boys and girls out into the first year huddle. 

 

“Is that everyone?” One of the older students asked. 

 

The female prefect did a quick head count. “Looks to be. All right you lot, follow me to breakfast.”

 

They trooped out of the dungeon and off to breakfast. Stephanie barely noticed the journey, although a number of times she jerked when she would swear a painting had spoken to her. Finally, they ended up in the Great Hall and Stephanie plopped down on a bench in front of platters piled with breakfast foods. She hunted around and after a few minutes, located a steaming carafe. With great deliberation and care, she poured herself a cup of tea, and then sat there, staring into it and blowing on it. She took a long sip of it, and then another, and then began to approach something like consciousness by the third hefty slurp. 

 

Cindy stared at her for a moment, then waved a hand in front of her. “You back yet?”

 

Stephanie nodded, blinking in the light as her brain finally shifted into gear. “Yeah. Sorry. Um, thanks for helping me.”

 

Cindy grinned. “I was afraid you’d gone into a coma or something.”

 

Stephanie grinned and took another heavy gulp of tea. “Might as well have. Mum says I could sleep through World War Three.”

 

Amiline plopped down next to her. “You going to actually eat anything?”

 

“Yeah, why?”

 

“Cause you’ve got about ten minutes.”

 

Stephanie stared at her, blinked, and then rapidly built a plate of eggs, toast and a bit of ham, and then started shoveling it into her face. She topped up her tea in between bites and used it to wash down her abrupt meal. Ten minutes later, everyone started to stand to follow the prefects to their classes, and she regretfully drained her teacup. 

 

Their first class of the day was Charms, and Stephanie settled in to try and learn to levitate things. After a handful of sleepy attempts, and a number of mispronunciations, she managed to get the feather to float a few inches over the desk. Spurred by her success, she tried again, and this time, sent the feather soaring. Several other students had got theirs to fly by that time, but she smiled as she made it dance in the air. 

 

After levitating the feather several times, she got a bit bored with it. She was more than willing to try something a bit different, but Levitating Charms were the order of the day, so that’s what they studied. After class was over, she stood up with the rest and started to file out. 

 

“Oh, Ms. Mallow! A moment, please,” the diminutive professor called. 

 

Stephanie slowed and stepped out of the flow of students. Cindy looked at her, raising her eyebrows, and Stephanie shrugged, unsure as to what was going on. 

 

Professor Flitwick waved her over, and she approached him slowly. “Yes, Professor?”

 

His eyes twinkled over his glasses. “I understand you managed to produce a particularly powerful Color Changing Charm.”

 

Stephanie blushed. “Um, if this is about zapping Donna…”

 

He chuckled. “No, no, I’d just like to see it, please.” He lifted up a feather. “Would you mind?”

 

She swallowed, pulled out her wand, and pointed at the feather, picturing it green. “ _ Colovaria! _ ” 

 

The feather turned bright green and Professor Flitwick laughed delightedly. “Marvellous! Ten points to Slytherin, my dear!”

 

Stephanie grinned shyly. 

 

“Now run along! You don’t want to be late for class!”

 

Stephanie nodded and ran out to find the last of the Slytherin students disappearing around the corner. She hurried to catch up to them, speed walking until she caught up with Cindy and Amiline. 

 

“What’d he want?” Amiline asked. 

 

Stephanie glanced ahead to find Donna walking out of earshot. “He wanted to see my Color Changing Charm,” she said with a grin. 

 

Cindy giggled. “Maybe I should blast someone. Certainly made you popular with the teachers.”

 

Stephanie giggled too. “Maybe you should! You’ve already got the detention for it.”

 

Cindy pulled a mournful face. “And me all innocent.”

 

They laughed and chatted their way to History of Magic. Which was, to Stephanie’s disbelief, astonishingly boring. The professor was a freaking ghost, which should have been cool beyond belief. The subject was about goblins and witches and wizards and centaurs and giants, and should have been every bit as wonderful as reading the books had been. Instead, he started in almost immediately in the dryest monotone she’d ever heard. She fought to take notes against a tide of flat, unemphasized verbiage that threatened to blast her into a nap. Without markers for what was important, she ended up writing down a string of dates and names, hoping against hope that she could look them up and read about them on her own. The class dragged on forever and by the time it let out, she was fighting down yawns. 

 

Stephanie stumbled out of class, stuffing her notes into her book bag. No prefects this time, they were expected to remember how to get back to the Great Hall for lunch. She leaned against the wall outside and rubbed her eyes, casting about in her head for which way to go. Cindy came up next to her with a long yawn. 

 

“That was awful!” Cindy gasped out between yawns. “I could record that and use it as a sleep aid!”

 

Stephanie giggled. “Right? Ugh, and I was really looking forward to this subject.”

 

Amiline came out and stood next to them, rubbing her eyes. “Did anyone else fall asleep?”

 

Stephanie shook her head. “It was a near thing, though. I wonder if they’ll let me bring a thermos of tea to class?”

 

Amiline blinked rapidly, stretching. “What’s a thermos?”

 

Stephanie gaped at her. “It’s, um, a bottle that keeps things hot or cold?”

 

Cindy frowned. “How does it know?”

 

“It...just does? I think it’s something to do with insulation.”

 

The other girls stared at her blankly. “Um, there’s a layer that heat can’t get through. So heat inside can’t get out and that keeps things hot, and heat outside can’t get in, so things that are cold stay cold.”

 

Cindy grinned. “And muggles make these?”

 

Stephanie nodded. 

 

“Sounds dead useful,” Amiline remarked. “Without something to keep me awake, I think I might fail this class.”

 

Cindy nodded ruefully. “I barely remember what he said.”

 

Stephanie smiled and dug in her book bag. “Trade you notes for directions to lunch.”

 

The other girls stared at the papers in her hand with a mixture of wanton longing and amazement. “How in Merlin’s name did you manage to get  _ notes _ ?” Amiline asked.

 

“Practice. Had a maths teacher who sounded a lot like Binns. Trick is to write down the headers and look it all up later.”

 

Cindy smiled beatifically. “I will  _ carry _ you to lunch every Monday for notes to this class.”

 

Stephanie laughed. “I don’t know about all that, but lead the way and the notes are yours to copy!”

 

Amiline walked along beside her, casting her book bag a sidelong glance. “And what can I bribe you with for a peek at those?”

 

Stephanie giggled. “No need, I’m only joking. I’m sure there’ll be some class I need help with. Besides, I...I’ve never had many friends, but I’m pretty sure sharing notes is what friends do.”

 

Amiline leaned over and gave her an impulsive hug. Stephanie jerked and she pulled back quickly. “Sorry! I’m a bit handsy, I didn’t mean-”

 

“No, no, it’s, um, I don’t get hugged a lot outside of my Mum.” Stephanie said, blushing. She leaned over and hugged Amiline back, quickly and shyly. “I don’t mind, just startled me is all.”

 

Cindy turned around, walking backward. “Is that why you looked like I’d trod on your foot when I hugged you yesterday?”

 

Stephanie grinned sheepishly and nodded. 

 

“No friends? No hugs? Were you just shy at home?”

 

Stephanie coughed. “I, um, was...well, I got made fun of a lot, and I just stopped talking to most kids. Most people, actually.”

 

Cindy nodded, flipping around to walk right after nearly backing into a suit of armor. “Why would anyone make fun of you?”

 

Stephanie felt a flutter of panic, and then her tongue tied itself in knots. For the first time, she found herself desperately wanting to tell someone the truth. She liked these girls, and she didn’t want to lie to them. But what if they hated her? What if they told people? What if her hell came to Hogwarts, and nobody would talk to her for the next seven years?

 

She got short of breath and stepped over to a wall, hyperventilating. Her hand went to her watch, as it had so often since she’d got it, seeking the comfort it gave her. 

 

She heard a voice, and looked up to see Amiline holding her shoulders, Cindy looking past the redhead with a look of concern. She could barely make out what the girls were saying past the blood pounding in her ears. She forced herself to take deep, even breaths, and managed to make out, “-phanie...ok? ...wrong, Stepha...”

 

She raised a hand and gasped out, “I’m...ok...just...need...a minute.”

 

The girls stood there, watching her with concern, as she forced herself back under control. The locket around her neck was no help at all, seeming to triple in weight as it always did during one of her attacks, and her hand went to it to pull it away from her, so that she had one hand clasping at her shirt over her chest, and the other clamped around her wrist. The by now familiar position helped, and she finally managed to get a deep breath without forcing it. She shuddered and sucked in another deep lungful of air, feeling the shakes coming on that always followed one of her attacks. 

 

Amiline ran her hands up and down her arms, frowning. “Merlin, you’re shaking. Come on, we’re going to the infirmary.”

 

Stephanie shook her head violently. “Fine...I’m fine...this happens sometimes,” she whispered. 

 

Cindy stared at her in shock. “This...you just...how often does this happen?”

 

Stephanie gave her a wan smile. “Um, about once a week at least,” she admitted. She felt a stab of panic at the thought that they wouldn’t want to be friends with a freak who randomly forgot how to breathe, but wrestled it down, closing her eyes and counting her breaths, in and out, in and out. They hadn’t run yet, she told herself.

 

“What causes it?”

 

Bollocks.

 

Stephanie closed her yes, panic squirming back up. This was not how she wanted things to go. “I...thinking certain things. Hearing certain things. Seeing certain things. Sometimes for no reason.”

 

Amiline swallowed. “Did we...did we set this off somehow?”

 

Double bollocks. “Not...exactly. I just...was thinking about being made fun of…”

 

Cindy made an unhappy noise. “Then we did. Stephanie, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

 

Stephanie’s eyes flew open. “No! No, it’s...it’s just something that happens. It’s not your fault.”

 

Cindy hesitated. “Look, I don’t know if it’s related, but Mum has these...shaking fits sometimes. The Healers say it’s because of the war Mum was in.”

 

Stephanie grinned shakily. “That’s sort of the same thing, yeah. Worse for her than me, I think, but yeah.”

 

Cindy nodded. “Then you need to eat. Can you make it to the hall?”

 

Stephanie pushed herself away from the way gingerly. Her knees were a bit wobbly, but she could stand. She took an experimental step, and nodded. “Yeah, I’m ok now.”

 

The girls took up position on either side of her. “Ok, just take it slow. We’ve still got most of an hour.”

 

Stephanie managed the walk to the Great Hall, face flaming on and off at the thought of her new friends seeing her like this, but she couldn’t exactly sneak away until she felt better, like she could at home. 

 

Without being asked, Cindy hunted down a pot of tea, and Amiline put a plate of tuna sandwiches in front of her. She ate mechanically, though the tea helped immensely. Finally, with food in her stomach and caffeine in her system, the worst of the shaking subsided. She blew out a breath and laid her head on the table, breathing easily for the first time since the attack started. 

 

“Better?” Cindy asked, rubbing her back. 

 

She sat up, and smiled tiredly. “Much. Sorry for going mental on you.”

 

Amiline snorted. “You’re sorry? I’m sorry we sent you off.”

 

“Yeah, and I’m sorry I didn’t try and help sooner,” Cindy said quietly. “I didn’t even think about Mum until you started shaking. I’ve never met anyone our age that has fits like that.”

 

Stephanie winced. “Look, um, I understand...if you don’t...if you don’t want to be friends with a nutter…”

 

Cindy looked stricken. “I...Stephanie, I said I was sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

 

Stephanie yelped when Amiline, without changing expressions, flicked her sharply on the forehead. 

 

“No, Cindy, she’s not saying she doesn’t want to be friends. She’s being a bit of a tit.” Amiline leaned in, glaring at her slightly. “None of that, got it? You’ve had a bad time and sometimes it catches you up. We all have our moments, I’m sure you’ll see us at bad times, too. We’re not going to just run screaming because you occasionally have a bad moment.”

 

Stephanie stared at her, tongue tied again. Amiline didn’t understand, couldn’t understand. She was a fraud, a liar, she didn’t deserve-

 

She took three deep breaths and pulled her teacup close for a big, bracing gulp before she could send herself off again. She wrestled it back under control and managed a smile. “Thanks. Look, I-”

 

She swallowed. “I can’t tell you just yet. But there’s something I need to tell you. Um, later, when I...when I can get it out without falling to pieces.”

 

Cindy put a hand on her shoulder. “About why you have fits?”

 

She nodded. 

 

“You don’t have to tell us. Mum doesn’t talk about it, except to her Healer. You might talk to the Healer here, though.”

 

Stephanie forced a smile. “I’d already, um, planned on it. I have to go see her anyway.”

 

She froze as the others looked a her with concern. Bollocks, she hadn’t meant to say that.

 

“Stephanie, are you ill? Is that it?” 

 

She put her face in her hands. “Sort of,” she said quietly. “Not...it’s...look, um, that’s sort of the thing I…” she swallowed and looked up at them. “Later?”

 

They both nodded. “Come on, we have to get to Transfiguration,” Cindy said. “You going to be ok?”

 

Stephanie nodded, and grinned a little. “Remind me that I need to ask Mum to send me a thermos. I’m  _ definitely _ going to have to take tea with me everywhere.”

 

Amiline laughed. “You and your tea.”

 

“Hey, a cup of tea makes everything better!”

 

They trooped after the waiting prefects to Transfiguration, the other girls standing to either side of Stephanie to shield her from running into other students. Stephanie was immensely grateful for the hours of reading she’d done over the summer, because it meant that she barely had to take notes. She was further pleased to find that the class was taught by Professor McGonagall, who was extremely thorough and precise. Her only regret was that she was too drained to ask the questions that had been bugging her all summer. She resolved to ask them the next day. 

 

After class, she was less than surprised when Professor McGonagall asked her to stay a moment. Cindy and Amiline made to stay with her and she shooed them away, not wanting to put the professor on the spot, and not wanting to be put on the spot herself. “I’ll catch up.”

 

They eyed her dubiously, but went. 

 

“Yes, professor?” 

 

Professor McGonagall smiled. “You seem to have made some friends.”

 

Stephanie grinned. “Yeah. It’s nice. I, uh, yeah.”

 

“How are you? You seem a little shaky.”

 

Stephanie blushed. “I, um, had a bit of a panic attack earlier.”

 

McGonagall started and scrutinized her closely. “Have you been to the infirmary? Do you need to?”

 

She shook her head. “No, I’m ok now. Just tired. Amiline and Cindy helped me through it.”

 

McGonagall smiled. “Good friends, then.”

 

“Yeah,” Stephanie said, heart fluttering at the thought of losing them. 

 

“Well, if you’re sure you’re alright, I won’t keep you.”

 

Stephanie nodded and slipped out. She jumped at finding Amiline and Cindy waiting for her. “I would have caught up!”

 

Cindy grinned as she peeled away from the wall and headed off after their class. “Steph, you can’t find the great hall and you’ve been there three times.”

 

Stephanie blushed. “Yeah, well...alright, so I’m not good at directions.”

 

Defense Against The Dark Arts turned out to be immensely fun. Stephanie hadn’t read that book much, focusing on the ones most closely related to her condition, but learning about jinxes and counterjinxes took up a lot of her attention, and pulled her out of her funk. Professor Abbott seemed very knowledgeable about her material and made the class fun and exciting.

 

Finally, classes ended for the day. Stephanie wanted to go to the library to grab study materials for History of Magic, and the others showed her how to get there. 

 

The library was, in every respect, Stephanie’s new favorite place in the world. It was huge, and filled top to bottom with books, scrolls, and loose leaf folios detailing everything she could ever want to know about magic. The librarian, Mister Gorith, cheerfully showed her how to work the card catalog system and she spent the next two hours elbow deep in books. 

 

Cindy eyed her with amusement as she staggered up to the checkout desk with a stack of books on the various subjects Professor Binns had talked about. “Are you even going to have time to read all those?”

 

Stephanie grinned, finally at peace now that she was laden down with reading material. “Skim. I’m going to skim them. And take a ridiculous amount of notes.”

 

Amiline rolled her eyes. She’d found a book on dueling and was reading it in between watching Stephanie dash to and fro amongst the stacks. “At least one of us will. Just don’t hate us for wanting to copy off your ridiculous notes.”

 

Stephanie grinned. ‘Oh, you’re going to help write them.”

 

Amiline mimed gagging. “No! No, Professor Mallow, don’t make me write my own notes!”

 

Stephanie laughed. “Oh, come on, I’ll give you the light books and you copy out stuff related to my class notes, and I’ll take the heavy ones and do the same. We’ll get more notes faster that way.”

 

Cindy looked at her, eyebrow raised. “And then you’ll go back and do it all yourself anyway, won’t you?”

 

Stephanie blushed to the roots of her hair. “I don’t see how that comes into it.”

 

The other girls grinned. “You’re just trying to trick us into studying!” Amiline accused as Stephanie shoved books into her bookbag and signed for them. 

 

“Well, yes.” Stephanie admitted. “But only because my notes are going to be useless if you haven’t at least seen the stuff they’re about.”

 

Amiline sighed. “Well, there goes my dream of skiving off, secure in the knowledge that a bookworm will hand me a nice summary.”

 

Stephanie stuck out her tongue. “Don’t be like that, I swear it’s fun once you start reading it.” 

  
  


Cindy smiled. “Maybe for you, but we grew up with this stuff.”

 

Stephanie shrugged. “True. Doesn’t mean it’s not interesting.”

 

Cindy led the way to their dungeon, and Stephanie made careful note of the route. Even if she lost her friends, she wanted to be sure and know how to find her way to the library. Especially if she lost her friends, because then she planned to live there as much as possible. By the time they pulled up in front of the dungeon, and Cindy said the passphrase, she was pretty sure she could do it on her own if she had to. 

 

They slipped into their room, and Donna immediately stood up from her bed, looking hesitant. 

 

Stephanie slowed. She’d planned to tell them before her nerve slipped entirely, but she didn’t want to do it with Donna around.  

 

The other girl took a deep breath. “All right, look. We don’t get along, and I don’t think we’re going to. But...I’m not switching rooms. I won’t be made to look like a fool, and I won’t be seen as running away. But I will promise not to prank you, or put unpleasant things in your beds, or say anything about you if you’ll do the same.”

 

Stephanie looked at the others and they nodded. “Truce,” Stephanie said, holding her hand out. 

 

They shook. 

 

Donna licked her lips. “One other thing. I might want to have friends in, or you might want to not have me about. Can we agree to be smart about it and not have rows if the room is in use? First come first served?”

 

Stephanie frowned. “Alright. But the truce is off if any of us uses that as an excuse to keep the other out. But only with fair warning given on breach.”

 

Donna nodded, looking relieved. “And knock before entering if the door’s closed.”

 

Stephanie nodded. “Sounds fair. Are you using the room right now?”

 

Donna shook her head. “I just wanted to clear that up.”

 

She stepped out of the room, hesitating on the lintel. She looked back over her shoulder. “Thanks,” she said after a moment. She left, closing the door behind her. 

 

Amiline watched her go, a troubled look on her face. “Anyone else feel slightly bad about that?”

 

Cindy nodded. “I mostly feel bad that she just wrote us off.”

 

Stephanie swallowed. “Yeah, well...um…” she closed her eyes. “At least we have a truce,” she finished lamely. She was so used to dealing with bullies that having one suddenly come up reasonable was rubbing her wrong. 

 

Cindy smiled a little. “Maybe we ask her why she doesn’t want to be friends with us? I’d hate to live in a cold war zone the entire time I’m at school.”

 

Stephanie sighed. “Yeah, all right. But first, especially if we’re going to try and get Donna to be friendly...I need to tell you something.”

 

The other girls looked at her oddly. “Look, no one’s going to make fun of you for being sick. And if they do, they’re right bloody monsters.”

 

Stephanie felt the shakes coming back, and sat down on her bed. She looked up at them, tears pricking at her eyes. “You have to swear,” she said softly. “Swear that even if you don’t want to be friends after, you won’t tell anyone. I can’t...I’ve been beat up for it before, and I don’t want to find out what kind of beatings magic can give me.”

 

Amiline and Cindy looked startled and curious. “Why wouldn’t we-” Cindy started to ask.

 

“Swear.”

 

The girls exchanged glances. “Alright, I swear,” Cindy said. 

 

Amiline nodded. “Me too.”

 

Stephanie closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and whispered, “I was born a boy.”

 

The silence that followed was thunderous to Stephanie’s ears. 

 

She opened her eyes to find them staring at her, Amiline with surprise, Cindy with confusion. 

 

Cindy shook her head. “But, I mean, I saw when you were changing-”

 

Stephanie raised her arm and shook her watch out. “Concealing Charm. Only got it this summer.”

 

Amiline hesitated. “Not that I’m...uncomfortable or anything, but...why tell us?”

 

Stephanie twitched. “I...I didn’t want to lie to you. I was worried that you’d find out and then hate me for not telling you.”

 

Amiline groped for words. “But...if you’re a girl...how is that lying? I mean, it’s not like you’re a boy pretending, right?”

 

Stephanie’s breath froze in her chest. “You mean that?”

 

“Well, yeah. You’re about the girliest girl I‘ve ever met. Your hair is pink and you wear ruffled socks and unders for Merlin’s sake.”

 

Stephanie shuddered, and breathed out a little giggle. “Yeah, but...I mean...it doesn’t bother you that I’m...changing with you, or anything?”

 

Amiline rolled her eyes. “Of course no-”

 

“Do you fancy girls?” Cindy asked suddenly, cutting her off. 

 

Stephanie swallowed. “I mean, I don’t know. Up until this summer the most that could be said was that I hated everyone equally. I...I looked a lot more like a boy, and...I got called a lot of names and nobody really liked me, so...I don’t know. Um, why?”

 

Cindy shivered. “Oh. Uh...it’s...um…” she trailed off. 

 

Stephanie blinked back tears. “Cindy?” she asked softly. 

 

Cindy licked her lips. “I, uh, well, as long as we’re telling secrets, I might, um, fancy you a bit.”

 

Stephanie’s pulse went into overdrive. “Even...um...knowing?”

 

Cindy shrugged one shoulder. “This is going to come out dumb and wrong,” she warned, not looking up from the floor, “but I sort of hoped that if you were born a boy, that meant you liked girls by default, which is stupid because I’m a girl that likes girls, and please don’t hate me for being dumb about this I’m sorry.”

 

Stephanie’s stomach twisted. It was...she wasn’t sure how to feel about Cindy’s logic, although hearing the other girl acknowledge it was bad logic certainly helped. 

 

Stephanie hopped off the bed and hugged Cindy. The other girl’s arms went around her tightly. “Look, I, um, I’m still settling into things,” she said, pulling back to look at the smaller girl. “And I don’t even know what I want when it comes to...dating. I didn’t even have friends until I got here. And I...the thought of doing anything with anyone makes me a little ill, with my...my body still wrong-”

 

Cindy rolled her eyes and giggled. “We’re eleven. The thought of doing anything beyond snogging makes me feel weird too. If I was to actually try anything I think I might panic and pass out.”

 

Stephanie blushed. “Oh. But-”

 

“Besides, it’s not...I mean...I like looking, obviously, but... Look, I’m not…” Cindy fumbled. “I just thought you should know,” she finished lamely. 

 

Stephanie hugged her again. “And thank you. It makes me feel...I dunno, kinda happy that you know and you still see me as a girl enough to fancy. I’m just sorry I don’t...you know...feel that way about you just now.”

 

Cindy blinked. “Just now?”

 

Stephanie grinned. “I like you, you know, as a friend. And, you know, if I figure out I like girls, you’ll be the first to know. Um, if...if I like boys-”

 

Cindy grinned, tinged with a bit of sadness. “Don’t worry, I’ve got loads of practice wanting straight girls.”

 

Stephanie nodded, blushing. They stood there for a moment, staring at each other.

 

“Well, shite,” Amiline said, startling them both with her profanity. “I’ve got nothing to add to this, and now I feel a bit left out.”

 

Stephanie burst out laughing, and Cindy managed a small grin.

 

“Well, aside from saying I definitely like boys, and you do nothing at all for me, Steph.”

 

Stephanie grinned broadly. “That actually feels quite nice, thanks.”

 

Cindy pulled back from her, dashing a hand across her eyes. “And don’t worry, Stephanie, I won’t tell anyone.” She smiled. “I know how it is to have a secret like that.” 

 

Stephanie smiled gratefully, and then looked at Cindy with not a little concern. “Are you, um, going to be ok?”

 

Cindy grinned and shrugged. ‘It’s the first time I’ve heard ‘maybe’ instead of ‘what the blazes is wrong with you,’ so I’ll call it a win.”

 

Amiline stared at them both. “You,” she said solemnly, “know a bunch of terrible people.”

 

Stephanie giggled. “I...I guess, yeah.”

 

“Well, let me be the first to say, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with either of you. Well, except your obsession with books, Steph. That’s just plain weird.”

 

Stephanie rolled her eyes and laughed. “Don’t be silly, books are life. Now, since you didn’t run screaming, your reward is to help me start on this pile of books.”

 

As one, Amiline and Cindy immediately started running about waving their arms and yelling. Stephanie fell back on the bed laughing, only to let out a startled shriek as Amiline jumped on her, pinning her to the bed. 

 

“Quick, get her!” she called to Cindy. “Maybe we can tickle the boffin out of her!”

 

Stephanie yelped as Cindy took the other side and the two girls proceeded to attempt to tickle her senseless. 

 

~~~~~~

 

The rest of the week went much better. She continued to excel in Charms, discovered that she liked Herbology, and that by contrast, she was absolute rubbish as jinxes. She could understand them, but the thought of hurting someone, or doing something to them against their will made her stomach twist and she just couldn’t get the guts up to actually launch a jinx, no matter how hard Professor Abbott tried to reassure her that the target dummies wouldn’t feel a thing. 

 

Astronomy was both interesting and exhausting, because she woke up the next day even more tired than usual. Amiline and Cindy had to lead her down to the Great Hall by the hands, and then pour half a pot of tea into her before she could manage breakfast. 

 

She did better in Transfiguration and after the dozenth question, McGonagall flatly asked if she’d been reading ahead. Amiline had muttered under her breath in response, causing McGonagall to turn sharply on her. 

 

“What was that, Ms. Hardesty?”

 

Amiline grinned and repeated, “I said, she doesn’t need to read. You get a book within five feet of her and she rips the knowledge from its defenceless pages by sheer force of will.”

 

McGonagall had suffered a sudden coughing fit, and then asked Stephanie to keep her questions to the topic at hand. 

 

Flying was...not her best. She could get the broom off the ground, but once in the air, it developed a mind of its own and her head had a few near misses with the ground before she managed to get it set down properly. Amiline took to the air like a bird, and even Cindy had managed a stately hover.  

 

Potions with Professor Bassenthwaite were easily her new favorite class, however. It reminded her of Chemistry, and the professor was deeply in love with his subject. His favorite teaching technique was to shove them all into groups and make them talk through a potion, telling him the properties of the ingredients and why they worked together. Both the potions he discussed started out as an ingredient’s list, which he worked through with them so that they learned what potion it was through learning the ingredients. Next week, he told them, they’d be brewing, but first, he wanted them to choose one of the ingredients and write him two feet about it. The detective style cooperative classwork left Stephanie feeling exhilarated, and she felt quite firmly that she’d learned more through being forced to use her brain than simply by passively taking notes.

 

Amiline, on the other hand, staggered out of the classroom clutching her head. “Augh, that was...augh!”

 

Stephanie patted her gently on the back. “You did really good, though!”

 

“But I feel as though all the knowledge has been sucked out of my brain!”

 

Stephanie laughed. “You’ll have to put more in, then.”

 

“Noooooooo!” Amiline said, sinking to the ground waving her arms dramatically. She grabbed Stephanie around the ankles. “Pleeeeeaaaaase don’t make me study over the weekend, Professor Mallow. Pleeeeeeeeaaaaaase!”

 

Cindy eyed her critically. “You know, I think she might actually explode if you put a book in front of her.”

 

Amiline looked up with a twinkle in her eyes, her mock histrionics cut off. “If I explode, do I get out of studying?”

 

Stephanie wiggled her ankle, trying to shake Amiline off. “Only as long as it takes the Healers to put you back together, and then double studying to catch up.”

 

“Arse,” Amiline said cheerfully. She stood up and brushed her robes off. “Seriously, Steph, you aren’t planning to study all weekend are you?”

 

Stephanie blushed. That had, in fact, been her intention. 

Amiline rolled her eyes. “Surely there must be something else you’d like to do. Anything, in fact.”

 

Stephanie shrugged helplessly. “I spend most of my time at home reading. No friends, remember?”

 

Cindy laughed. “Is there anything you need to do? I remember you saying about, um…”

 

Stephanie stared at her in confusion, and then slapped her forehead. “That’s right, I have to go to the infirmary.”

 

“And then,” Amiline said firmly, “We are going to dueling club. In fact, we are going to go get changed, then to the infirmary, then straight to watch the fun.”

 

Stephanie blinked, but followed her friends back to their dorm. She’d forgotten about Dueling Club entirely, and it reminded her that she needed to look up the Purple League as well. She was feeling fairly ok with two friends that knew and didn’t care, but...she had to admit there there were questions she wanted to ask those who’d been there before her. 

 

She changed clothes without thinking and Amiline took one look at her and fell over laughing. 

 

“What?” She asked, feeling vaguely offended. 

 

“You...look...like...essence...of girl!” Amiline gasped out. 

 

Stephanie looked down and realized she was wearing a pastel purple shirt, a ruffled pink skirt, her ruffled socks, and her Mary Janes. The shirt even said “Princess” on it. 

 

Stephanie blinked, licked her lips, and then threw her nose in the air and crossed her arms. “Well, so be it! I am the Princess of Girldom, then!”

 

Amiline chortled all the way out into the common room. She abruptly stopped chortling when a silence spread, interspersed with a few snickers. Stephanie blushed and crossed her arms defensively. 

 

Cindy startled them both by stepping forward. “What are you lot looking at, then?” she squeaked. 

 

A boy in their year waved at her, grinning. “She looks like a bloody cupcake! It’s just not Slytherin!”

 

Cindy glared at him. “Well, she’s as Slytherin as you are, and if she wants to dress up and wear pink, what business is it of yours?”

 

The boy blinked at her vehemence. “I...well…”

 

An older girl rolled her eyes. “None, you twat. The answer is none. Granted,” she looked at Stephanie with a small grin, “you might scale the fairy princess look back just a bit.”

 

Stephanie blushed and grinned back shyly. “A tiara would be a bit much, then?”

 

Several students burst out laughing.

 

The older girl held up her hand solemnly in a “little bit” gesture, and then broke into a grin.

 

“Well shoot,” Stephanie said, to further laughter.

 

Cindy relaxed as the tension went out of the room. Her face suddenly went blank and she turned a little pale. 

 

Stephanie and Amiline looked at her with concern. She met their eyes with a small smile. “Ready to go?” she breathed.

 

They nodded and quickly followed her out. The moment the door closed, she fell back against it and sank down shaking. “I just...I just did that,” she whispered.

 

Stephanie dropped down next to her, and put her arm around the smaller girl. “You did, in fact, do that. And I appreciate that you did that.”

 

Cindy shivered, and managed a shaky smile. “I can’t believe I just did that.”

 

Amiline chuckled and squatted down. “It was quite impressive. Badarse, even.”

 

Cindy giggled and gave one last shiver as the shakes calmed down. She pushed herself to her feet, holding onto Stephanie’s hand for balance, and gave them a small smile. “Come on, let’s go before anyone comes out and finds me shaking in fear from having talked to people.”

 

As they set off for the infirmary, Stephanie realized she was still holding hands with Cindy. And, she realized further, she liked the warm feeling it gave her. Halfway there, Cindy jumped slightly, and looked down at their hands. 

 

“Um, I, um, I didn’t mean-”

 

Stephanie gave her hand a squeeze, and looked resolutely ahead. “I know. I, um, actually sort of may, um, like the way it feels to, uh, hold hands with you.” 

 

Cindy blushed crimson, and gave her a shy smile. “I’ll take that,” she whispered. 

 

Stephanie relaxed a moment and then tensed slightly. “I don’t...I mean…”

 

Cindy giggled. “Don’t want to snog me into the middle of next week, call me your girlfriend and bow to my every whim?”

 

It was Stephanie’s turn to blush. “Umm…”

 

Cindy squeezed her hand. “I don’t mind. If you’re sneaking up on it, I’m happy. And if you just want to be friends that hold hands now and again, I understand that too.” She grinned. “Frankly, this is the closest I’ve ever gotten to a girl without something bad happening, and I’m a bit stunned I haven’t had a heart attack.”

 

Stephanie smiled at her. 

 

Amiline suddenly hip bumped them, nearly knocking them over. “Oi. Be sickeningly cute on your own time. I want to get to Dueling Club.”

 

Stephanie gave her a haughty look. “As Princess of Girldom, I declare that I cannot ever be sickeningly cute.”

 

“What would you call it then?”

 

“Abominably adorable?”

 

Amiline glared at her. “No fair using vocab against me.”

 

Stephanie laughed.

 

They came to the infirmary giggling as they threw out ever more ridiculous ways of saying “sickeningly cute.” They’d got up to “horrendously heartcapturing” by that point, and they stood outside the doors, giggling and wiping tears of laughter from their eyes. 

 

Stephanie took a deep breath, swallowing the nerves she hadn’t realized would strike. She didn’t, she realized, like the thought of taking potions as much as she had over the summer. Not that she didn’t want to change into a real girl, but because she hated the reminder that she needed to. She’d had a lovely week of just being a girl amongst other girls, and now…

 

Cindy squeezed her hand. “You want us to come in with you?”

 

Stephanie smiled shakily. “Um...I’d rather you not see…”

 

Amiline frowned. “See what? It’s not like you’re going to strip off, right?”

 

She shook her head. “No, it’s...it’s just a potion, but-”

 

Cindy stepped around in front of her and captured her other hand. “Hey. If it’ll really bug you, we won’t go in. But we’re not going to think any less of you for taking medicine you need, Stephanie.”

 

She blushed and on impulse reached and grabbed Amiline, pulling both of them into a hug. She held it for a minute, shaking slightly at the thought of bringing her friends into her private world. 

 

Amiline began to squirm after a minute. “Ack! Lesbian cooties! Noooooo!”

 

Stephanie rolled her eyes, and looked down at Cindy. She froze at seeing Cindy’s face closed down. “What-”

 

Cindy shrugged off Amiline’s arm. “Sorry,” she muttered, backing away.

 

Amiline looked at her in confusion. “Is...did I...that wasn’t funny, was it?”

 

Cindy shook her head. 

 

“Sorry, Cinds,” Amiline said softly. “I didn’t mean it that way, I meant...well...I mean you seem to like each other...and I was in the middle of you…” She trailed off, hearing the words coming out of her mouth. “Merlin, I suppose that was a  _ terrible _ thing to say. I’m really sorry, Cindy.”

 

Cindy nodded and forced a smile. “I know you were joking. Come on, let’s get Stephanie fixed up and get to Dueling Club.”

 

Amiline eyed her warily, but nodded, letting it go. Stephanie reached for her hand again, and Cindy deftly avoided it, turning to open the door. Stephanie followed her in, wanting to follow up on her sudden closed-off-ness, but not sure how. 

 

“Can I help you dears?” a woman in an old fashioned nursing outfit asked. 

 

Stephanie shot one last worried glance at Cindy, and then looked at the woman. “I’m looking for Madam Hinze?”

 

The woman grinned. “You’ve found her. How can I help you, dear?”

 

“I’m Stephanie Mallow. I’m here for my, um, potion.” 

 

The woman glanced at the other two girls curiously. 

 

“They know,” Stephanie said. “These are my friends.”

 

Madam Hinze smiled. “Good for you. Alright, now, just take off any enchanted items and we’ll do a quick exam.”

 

Stephanie balked. She’d hadn’t removed the necklace without access to a mirror and a few minutes to focus on getting it back on. “Um, can’t you just, um, scan around them?”

 

Madam Hinze gave her a sympathetic look. “The locket?”

 

Stephanie nodded. 

 

“No, but I will help you back into it,” she offered. 

 

Stephanie swallowed and pulled it out. Taking a deep breath, she tugged it over her head, sighing in relief at it’s absence. With a bit of regret, she pulled off her earrings, and last of all her Concealing watch. She hopped up on an examination table, and blinked when Madam Hinze simply began waving her wand, and little jets of light shot out to dance over her skin. The light then jumped over to a clipboard and danced over that, before dissipating. 

 

“What was that?” Stephanie asked curiously. 

 

“A series of diagnostic charms,” Madam Hinze said cheerfully. 

 

“But...my Healer uses all these instruments when she examines me,” Stephanie said uncertainly. 

 

Madam Hinze grinned. “Some use one, some the other, some use both. The instruments are likely a way for your Healer to perform examinations without straining herself. Diagnostics take quite a bit out of one.”

 

“Oh.” 

 

She walked over to a cupboard, and pulled out a potion  bottle with a hanging yellow label that, on closer inspection, read “Mallow, Halting Elixir, every two weeks.”

 

She measured out a dose and Stephanie looked at it, wrinkling her nose. “I don’t suppose you have some tea about?”

 

Amline and Cindy both snorted. 

 

Madam Hinze grinned and nodded. “Yes, but first your dose, dear.”

 

Stephanie plugged her nose and downed it in three gulps. She licked her lips and pulled a face. “Blech.”

 

Madam Hinze squeezed her hand. “I’ll just fetch you that tea.”

 

They sat there, Amiline and Stephanie looking at Cindy surreptitiously, until Madam Hinze came back with the tea. Stephanie downed the lukewarm liquid, grateful both for the distraction and for getting the taste of the potion out of her mouth. 

 

She looked at Madam Hinze and asked in a low voice, “Um also, the um…”

 

“Oh! Yes, of course. One moment dear.”

 

She bustled over to a cabinet and pulled out a small card. She came back and presented it to her, and then picked up the locket. “Ready?”

 

Stephanie took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She winced when the locket went over her head, and then again when Madam Hinze tucked it into her shirt. She blew out a breath, doing her level best not to have an attack, repeating under her breath, “just a necklace, just a necklace, just a necklace.”

 

She opened her eyes to see her friends staring at her in concern. “Sorry,” she breathed. “That part always sucks.”

 

Amiline frowned. “How come?”

 

“Um, tell you later?” Stephanie asked.

 

Amiline nodded. 

 

“Actually, dear, how are the attacks?”

 

Stephanie jerked and stared at Madam Hinze wide-eyed. “How did you-?”

 

Madam Hinze smiled. “I guessed.”

 

Stephanie blushed. “Um, fine. I’ve only had one this week.”

 

“Excellent.  If they get worse, or start to interfere with your school, let me know and we’ll see about a calming potion to help you control them.”

 

Stephanie blinked. “There’s a potion for that?”

 

Madam Hinze nodded. “And before you ask, it’s risky to mix it with a Halting Elixir, and inadvisable for use in children, which is why you’re only just hearing of it.”

 

“Oh.” 

 

“Now, it’s a beautiful day. Why don’t you go enjoy the rest of it? And don’t hesitate to come back if you need to talk, alright?”

 

Stephanie nodded and jumped down from the table. She swiftly clasped her watch back on, a small sigh of relief escaping her, and then her earrings. She tucked the card in her pocket. And waved to Madam Hinze as they left. 

 

Once in the hall, she turned to Cindy, only to be met with an overly cheerful smile and a chirrup of “Dueling Club next, right?”

 

‘Cindy-”

 

‘Well, come on, then!” Cindy cut her off. 

 

Amiline and Stephanie exchanged helpless glances, and then followed their friend.

 

Dueling Club would have been wonderful fun if it weren’t for cindy’s brittle, over happy exterior. They watched several matches, calling out excitedly for the skill of the older players, grinning and cheering for the players closer to their own age. 

 

But the entire time, Stephanie and Amiline were shooting worried glances at Cindy. By the time Dueling Club ended and they prepared to head to dinner, Cindy still hadn’t said much of anything. 

 

Stephanie watched her as they walked along, and then, on a whim, she reached out and grabbed her friend’s arm, tugging a startled Cindy into a side hallway.

 

“Cindy, if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine, and I understand. But I’m worried that you’re hurt and I’d at least like to know that either you’re going to be ok, or that you’ll tell us what’s wrong at some point.” She did not raise the fact that Cindy had been avoiding touching her, even casual brushes of the arms, feeling that she’d been the center of attention enough for one day.

 

Cindy stared at her, and then crumbled. She sank down into a ball and hugged her knees. “It’s stupid,” she muttered into her arms. 

 

Stephanie knelt down. “Not if it makes you feel this bad it it isn’t.”

 

Cindy sighed. “Whenever...you remember I said that was the closest I’d gotten without something bad happening?”

 

Stephanie nodded, and Amiline whispered, “Oh, shite. I, um, was the bad thing that happened, huh?”

 

Cindy shrugged, talking into her arms. “When I was little, I would hold other girls’ hands without thinking about it. And then...and then one day I kissed a girl. And she jumped away and asked what I’d done it for. And I told it, ‘because I like you.’ And the next day, she’d told all of my friends that I was a sicko who liked girls. And after that, they’d sometimes run up and grab my hand and then jerk away and say, ‘oops, hope it’s not catching!’”

 

Cindy looked up with tears in her eyes and swallowed. “And I can’t...what if it is? I mean, you’re not even sure what you like, and I hugged you, and now you want to hold my hand? What if I’m making you do it somehow?”

 

Stephanie stared at her. “You’re afraid, because some stupid little twats got their jollies bullying you, that I like you because you’re a magic carrier of lesbianism?”

 

Cindy winced. “Like I said, it’s stup-”

 

Stephanie pulled her into a hug, startling the smaller girl into silence. “No, it’s not. It’s horrible, and awful, and I want to find those bullies and turn them green.” 

 

Cindy giggled against her chest through her sniffles. 

 

She pulled back and smoothed Cindy’s hair out of her face. “If you want me to stop holding hands with you, I will. But...I don’t know that I so much like boys or girls, as I like you. I don’t even know if it’s like girfriend like, but...I like holding your hand, and I like hugging you, and I like it when you’re close to me. And it’s not,” she said with a grin, “because of magic contagious lesbianism.”

 

Cindy sniffled and wiped her eyes. “I don’t, um, want you to stop holding my hand. And I know, it’s...not magical lesbianism. I just…”

 

She took a deep breath, and spat out in a rush, “You’ve never even had friends, and...and...what if you just like me because I’m the first person to tell you I like you as, you know, a girl? Like, what if it’s not lesbianism so much as my liking you that’s...I don’t know, that...”

 

Stephanie frowned. “Amiline, come here.”

 

Amiline, who was looking a little gray at this point, stepped closer. Stephanie reached out and grabbed her hand. She sat there for a moment, thinking, and then grabbed Cindy’s hand. “Nope,” she declared firmly. “Amiline’s hand is nice and all, but it’s not nice nice. And both of you are the only ones my age to say you like me, knowing my...situation. So,” she concluded, giving Cindy’s hand a squeeze, “it must be that I like you.”  

 

Cindy gaped at her. “But…”

 

Stephanie grinned. “Cindy, I’m not saying I like girls. I’m saying I like you. Not just because you like me, but because your hand feels nice in mine. I haven’t got more than that to go on, but...if I’m wrong, and I just like you as a friend, then you’re not somehow mind controlling me into liking you. If I’m right, then you’ll have to accept my reasons as I find them.”

 

Cindy swallowed and gave her a watery grin. “Ok,” she whispered. 

 

Amiline leaned over her shoulder and put a hand on Cindy’s shoulder. ‘I’m really sorry, Cindy.”

 

Cindy patted her hand. “You couldn’t know. It’s all right.”

 

A ghost of a smile appeared on Amiline’s face. “If it’ll make you feel better, I can snog you and then be very firm about how I did not enjoy it.”

 

Cindy blew out a breathy laugh. “Careful, or I’ll take you up on that.”

 

Amiline and Stephanie both blinked. 

 

“Um, look, I mean I will, cause I said I will, but, um, I-” Amiline babbled, looking a little panicky.

 

Cindy gave her a mischievous smile. ‘Got you.”

 

Amiline stared at her and then burst out laughing. 

 

Stephanie shook her head. “Bad girl,” she teased.

 

Cindy shrugged. “I have to get my own back somehow. Help me up?”

 

Stephanie helped her to her feet and pulled her into a hug. “Better?”

 

“Mmm-hmm,” Cindy said, hugging her back. 

 

“Good, cause you’re the one that know the way to dinner,” Stephanie said with a giggle.

 

Cindy leaned back and rolled her eyes dramatically. “I see why you like me now. Just your guide, is all,” she said, putting on a pout. 

 

“Says the girl that borrows my notes without thinking!”

 

“No, that would be me,” Amiline said cheerfully. 

 

Stephanie stuck her tongue out at her, and then turned back to Cindy. “Please oh mighty finder of the ways, lead us unto the place of food, that we may partake.”

 

Cindy grinned. “I may have to make tht my official title, Princess of Girldom.”

 

Amiline rolled her eyes. ”Great, and now I’m the only one without a title.”

 

“You can be the maker of jokes,” Cindy declared as she turned to lead the way, capturing Stephanie’s hand. 

 

“Did you just declare me the court jester?” Amiline demanded in a strangled tone.

 

~~~~~~

 

That night, they sat on Stephanie’s bed. Amiline sprawled across the foot of the bed, reading her dueling book. Cindy sat on one side of the bed working on her Potions homework, Stephanie sitting next to her with her arm around her, engrossed in a book about famous witches and wizards from the medieval ages. She’d meant to just skim it for information about the names she’d written down in her History of Magic notes, but it was just so interesting that she hadn’t been able to stop reading it. It was like the best fantasy story ever, because it really happened!

 

There came a knock on the door, and Stephanie squeezed Cindy. Cindy looked up at her and smiled. “I’m ok with her seeing it if you are.”

 

Stephanie took a deep breath and nodded. “Come in,” she called.

 

Donna came in and stopped, staring at them cuddled together on the bed. She opened and closed her mouth a number of times, before closing her eyes and shaking her head. She walked over, grabbed a handful of books out of her bookbag, and then left without saying a word. 

 

Cindy coughed. “Well, um, that may have blown any chance we had of asking her why she doesn’t like us.”

 

Stephanie pulled her into a hug. “If  _ that _ is part of why she doesn’t like us, I say good riddance.”

 

Amiline nodded. “Me too. I-”

 

The door opened and Donna reappeared. 

 

“Ok, are you two-?”

 

Cindy squirmed. “I am. And we’re...well, we haven’t figured that out yet. But something.”

 

Donna closed the door and sighed, leaning against it. “That’s not fair.”

 

Amiline blinked. “Is  _ that  _ why you don’t like us?”

 

Donna stared at them. “No, I don’t like you because you’re the most un-Slytherin roommates I could have gotten. Like, how did you even get here?”

 

Stephanie coughed. “Um, ambition.”

 

Cindy nodded. “Same.”

 

Amiline shrugged. “I asked.”

 

The other three stared at her. “What? Slytherin has turned out some of the greatest wizards and witches. Sure, some of them are nuttier than a chestnut grove, but they’re great.”

 

Donna blinked. “Ok, that...that’s pretty Slytherin,” she admitted. “But, I mean, you two! Pink girl! And shrinking violet!”

 

Cindy smiled cheerfully. “So Slytherin’s can’t be quiet and can’t like pink?”

 

“No! Yes! I...I don’t know,” she said, sinking to the ground. “And you like girls. And you like each other. And you’re probably incredibly sappy and met on the train.”

 

“Well, yeah,” Stephanie said. 

 

‘Great. The muggleborn’s having a wonderful first year at Hogwarts. Lovely.”

 

Amiline stiffened. “I thought the truce was we wouldn’t say anything about each other. And I’ve told you about those kinds of comments.”

 

Donna glared at her. “To other people. I assumed I wouldn’t be talking to you. And what kind of comments? She’s muggleborn, isn’t she? She’s having a great time, isn’t she?”

 

“Actually, she’s had a panic attack, a fight, sucks at flying-” Stephanie started.

 

“Sorry to hear that, you won and the professor sided with you, and boo-hoo you can’t be good at everything,” Donna snapped. 

 

Stephanie stopped.

 

“Look, what do you want from us?” Cindy asked. “You’ve been on Stephanie from day one, you started the fight, you called the stay away from you truce, and now you’re complaining that it’s not fair that what? You haven’t got a cuddle buddy? Haven’t got friends? Aren’t the apple of the professor’s eye? What is it exactly that you want us to give you?”

 

Donna stared at her. “I don’t know. I don’t even know why I’m complaining to you. Hell’s bells, I don’t even  _ like _ any of you.”

 

Amiline propped her chin up in her hand. “Can I ask why Steph and Cinds cuddling threw you over the line?”

 

“Because it’s just so...so...you get to room with someone you met and liked, and then they turn out to have a thing for each other? I mean, you’ve found someone to be with in your  _ first year _ , and you  _ room with them _ . How ridiculous is that?”

 

“So it’s not that you have a thing against lesbians.”

 

“Oh, shove it, Hardesty. I’m not a bigot, even if everyone thinks I am.”

 

Stephanie frowned. “Then why muggleborn this, and muggleborn that?”

 

Donna sighed. “I was born to magic, raised with it, I’ve seen it and learned about it by proxy my whole life, and here comes someone who’s never even heard of it, and right off the bat, you’re better than me. You’re stand out, you’ve read all the textbooks, you’re a whiz at charms, and Merlin damnit you’re not supposed to make proper witches and wizards look like lazy underachieving slobs! You have no idea what I’ve been through to get where I am, and here you are, just handed it on a fucking platter! And on top of everything you’re everything this house was founded against and yet here you sit, pretty and popular and funny with your own little clique and a girlfriend  _ in the first week  _ and it’s not fucking fair!”

 

Her voice had risen with every word until she was shouting at the end of it. She froze, stared at Stephanie, and stood up. “And that is why I hate you,” she said quietly. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I would like to see as little of you as possible until I calm down so I can sleep. Good night.”

 

And she walked out, leaving them sitting there with their mouths hanging open, and slammed the door behind her. 

 

Amiline was the first to speak. “Noooo…” she murmured. “Not bigoted at all…”

 

Stephanie sat there, mouth working silently. “I...how did that happen?” she asked softly. 

 

Cindy shrugged. “She came in, she went spare-”

 

‘No,” Stephanie said. “I’m...everything she said. Well, aside from the crazy parts, but...I mean I’m not unpopular, and she thinks I’m funny and pretty, and if someone who hates me thinks I’m pretty...Two months ago, I looked like a boy and was fighting to get my own mother to call me by my right name.”

 

Cindy petted her arm. “And look at you now.”

 

“Yeah…”

 

~~~~~~

 

They showed up for detention bright and early, and in Stephanie’s case by the grace of an early pot of tea. Donna was resolutely not speaking to them, and there was a distinct chill in the room as they set to scrubbing the classroom from bottom to top. Professor Bassenthwaite watched them in between grading papers. Stephanie was working on a particularly stubborn stain on the cauldron stand when she heard him clear his throat. 

 

“Ladies, I understand that this was never going to be fun, but it was meant to be a cooperative exercise. As in talking. As in getting along. Am I to understand that hostilities continue?”

 

Amiline shrugged. “Ah, you could say that.”

 

Donna’s shoulders hunched. 

 

“We, um, called a truce,” Cindy offered. 

 

The professor sighed. “And?”

 

Stephanie cleared her throat. “We had a misfire the other night.”

 

“All right, here’s the deal. You can keep scrubbing, or you can come here, sit down, air your grievances, and I’ll moderate. Your choice, ladies.”

 

There was a pregnant pause, and then Donna set down her brush. “May I be blunt?”

 

Professor Bassenthwaite nodded. 

 

“I don’t like them. I don’t like  _ her _ ,” she pointed at Stephanie, “in particular. It’s been brought to my attention that that is in part because I am a bigot. I am not uncomfortable with that. I don’t believe talking it out will do any good.”

 

The professor stared at her in shock. “You...you know you’re a bigot.”

 

“Our ‘misfire’ as they politely put it, was me screaming my ‘grievances’ at them. I heard how I sounded.”

 

“And you’re  _ comfortable with that _ ,” he asked in a tone of disbelief.

 

“I stand by my beliefs, yes.”

 

He pressed his fingers the bridge of his nose. “And would you be willing to give me a brief summation?”

 

Donna hesitated. “Are you going to take points from me for it?”

 

He glared at her. “I asked, so no.”

 

She swallowed. “I’m born to magic, she’s not. I should be the one that things come easily to, not her. She’s everything unSlytherin, but she doesn’t even get hassled. The one time someone said boo to her, her friends jumped to her defence and rallied the common room behind her. Heck, in her first week, she’s managed to find friends who’ll  _ dress her in the morning _ when she can’t wake up. It’s not fair, and I hate her for it.”

 

Professor Bassenthwaite looked sandbagged. “I...I have nothing to say to that. Ladies? Would you care to respond?”

 

Stephanie was trembling slightly. The first time she’d heard this speech, she was too flabbergasted to respond to the hate behind it. Now, though…

 

“May I speak freely, professor?”

 

He sighed, and braced himself. “Yes.”

 

Stephanie turned and looked Donna in the eye. “Fuck you. You said last night that didn’t know what you’d gone through to be here? Well let me tell you what  _ I’ve _ gone through to be here.”

 

“I was born a boy.”

 

Donna jerked back, staring at her in shock. 

 

“I’ve been beat up, spat on, tripped and kicked, ignored, and called every awful name you can think of since I was four and old enough to tell the other kids to call me a girl name. My own mother wouldn’t call me by the right name. I was told to straighten up, my hair was cut off like clockwork, I was forced into boy clothes, the lot. And you know what changed all that? Finding out I was a witch. The last three months, I’ve been allowed to be myself. My mom had a change of heart and she took me to get my hair grown out, my ears pierced. She bought me girls clothes. 

 

“And you know what? I still have panic attacks. I have to wear this shitty locket because boy bodies can’t go into the girls dorm. Do you understand that? I have to wear a fucking necklace that reminds me I’m not a real girl so I can get to my own bed and sleep without being outed to the entire house. I have to take a nasty potion every two weeks, so that later on I can take the potions that will actually help me. And then in a few years, I’m going to have to have at least one, but up to five surgeries. And there’s no guarantee the surgeries will do anything beyond give me a hole in my body where there’s supposed to be one.

 

“So excuse me if I revel in magic, if I study it like my life depends on it, because it does. Excuse me if I try to make friends, because I’ve never had any. Excuse me if I’m pink and girly, because for ten years of my life I had to live as a boy. And excuse me for outshining you, because if you’d so much as smiled at me, we could’ve been friends, and I help my friends as much as I can.”

 

Stephanie wound down, breathing hard, tears standing in her eyes. Cindy came over and wrapped her arms around her, followed a moment later by Amiline.

 

Professor Bassenthwaite looked like he’d swallowed raw ginger. He turned and looked at Donna. “I will be more than happy to hear your response if you have one, but if you use this against her-”

 

Donna shivered, and looked at him, her face a mask of shock and confusion. 

 

“I’m not a monster,” she whispered. She swallowed. “I...damnit. How can you be perfect? What can I even say to that?”

 

Stephanie laughed softly. “I don’t know, tell me what you went through. Tell me what you went through to get here.”

 

Donna sighed. “Nothing like that,” she said with a bitter little smile. “I wasn’t beaten or denied. I wasn’t told I couldn’t be myself. I’m just the stupid kid in a family of geniuses. Mum’s an Auror, Dad’s in the Department of Mysteries, my brother and sister can do everything they turn their hand to without even trying, and here I’m sat and I can’t even read properly. And so they just...pass me over. At family gatherings, no one asks what I’ve been doing, or what wonderful things I’m up to. No, I’m ‘the poor dear.’ It’s ‘is she doing alright?’ or ‘how’s her little problem?’ 

 

“What have I been through? Nothing, comparatively. But this was my chance to break out, to break away from my old life, to build something for me, and here you come along, outwardly perfect, with this awful story, and there’s nothing I can say to you. No way I express the anger I feel at being thrown into the life of yet another perfect person. Because the stupid thing is, you’re  _ nice _ . And so I just come up looking petty.”

 

They all stared at her. She shrugged. “Just a petty little idiot. Nothing to see here. Move along.”

 

Professor Bassenthwaite licked his lips and looked at Stephanie. “You will not-”

 

She blushed and nodded. “I’m not a monster either.”

 

He gave her a nod. “Now then. Ms. Greengrass, I’m going to address you first here, because Ms. Mallow’s issues are in hand, though I have a few words there too. When you say you can’t read properly, what do you mean?”

 

She frowned. “What do you mean, what do I mean? I can barely read.”

 

“Yes, but why? What happens when you try and read?”

 

She blinked. “I mean...it’s just gibberish.”

 

“And when you write?”

 

“It comes out gibberish unless I write very slowly.”

 

He sighed and went over to his desk and picked up a piece of paper and a pair of reading glasses. He handed her the piece of paper. “Can you read that first line?”

 

She flushed. “No. Is there a point? Am I not humiliated enough?” 

 

“I am not attempting to humiliate you, Ms. Greengrass. Put the glasses on.”

 

She stared at him, but obeyed. 

 

“Can you read it now?”

 

She glanced at the page, and her mouth started the form the word “no.” Then she jerked it up and stared at it in shock. “What-”

 

“Those are my reading glasses, in case you’re wondering. The muggles call it dyslexia, which I prefer to the wizard name for it: letter squib.”

 

Donna jerked. “But...but..”

 

“But letter squibs are idiots? No. A simple Confundus on a pair of glasses fixes it.But it’s treated as such an awful thing that many don’t bother to find out that they’re a charm and a pair of spectacles away from being able to read just fine. To a person without dyslexia, those glasses would make every word gibberish. But since we see gibberish…”

 

“It straightens it out,” Donna whispered. 

 

“Madam Pomfrey or Madam Hinze can get you a pair, no questions asked, in about a day.”

 

Donna swallowed. “I’ll...I’d like that.”

 

“Second, I’d like you to sit down with Madam Hinze and tell her everything you’ve told me. I can tell you from experience that those ugly feelings you have don’t just go away, and she can help you with that. Am I clear?”

 

Donna nodded, still staring at the page. 

 

“Excellent. And as for you,” he said turning to Stephanie. “I think you should have a word with Madam Hinze as well. Rage like that isn’t exactly healthy, and I think I heard more than a touch of self-loathing in there. I will check and if you haven’t done something about it within the week, the pair of you, I will exercise my authority as head of house and  _ put  _ you in a room with Madam Hinze for an hour a week whether you like it or no. Clear?”

 

They both nodded. 

 

“Now, any last words before we break this up?”

 

Stephanie looked at Donna. “I’m...I had no idea. I’m sorry for making it worse. I didn’t mean to.”

 

“I still hate you,” Donna said quietly. Professor Bassenthwaite sucked in a breath. “But…”

 

She pulled the glasses off and fingered them. “...it might be that I’m...just angry in general and you were the closest target. I can’t say we’re friends, or that we’ll ever be. However, I will try and keep a civil tongue in my head.”

 

Stephanie shrugged. “Thank you.”

 

Amiline held out her hand. “Truce? Again?”

 

Donna nodded and shook. “Truce. Again. Same terms?””

 

Cindy coughed. “Uh, one change. You’re welcome to study with us, if you, well, change your mind about us.”

 

Donna stiffened. “I...appreciate the offer. But I think I’d rather do it on my own.”

 

Professor Bassenthwaite sighed. “Best that can be hoped for. All right you lot, out. And remember, Ms. Greengrass, Ms. Mallow: make those appointments or I’ll make them for you.”

 

They both nodded, and they all filed out of the classroom. They stood outside, awkwardly, until Donna gave them a brisk nod and strode away in the direction of the infirmary.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning, some heavy stuff ahead. Concrit welcome as always.

Stephanie kicked her heels, staring at the floor. The ticking of the clock seemed especially loud. 

 

“Is there anything you’d like to talk about, dear?”

 

Stephane sighed. “I think I’m meant to be talking about my horrible time with not being accepted.”

 

Madam Hinze grinned. “Oh?”

 

“Well, that’s what Professor Bassenthwaite sent me here for.”

 

“Is it?”

 

Stephanie squirmed. “He may have said something about self-loathing?”

 

Madam Hinze cocked her head. “Do you hate yourself?”

 

“No! I’m happier than I’ve ever been!”

 

“I see. And the panic attacks?”   
  


Stephanie winced. “I just had one! I was afraid of how my friends would react. And...and then I, um, told my friends that I was born a boy, and they were really cool about it.”

 

“Good for you! I’m glad that turned out well for you.”

 

Stephanie nodded, smiling. 

 

“So, you’re happy, you have friends, you’re doing well in classes. And you said you have acceptance at home, yes?”

 

Stephanie nodded. 

 

“So what brings you here?”

 

Stephanie shrugged. ‘I don’t know. I just...Professor Bassenthwaite said I had to.”

 

“Hmmm. How are you with your transition?”

 

Stephanie blinked. ‘My what?”

 

“Transition. Changing the way you present to match the way you feel?”

 

“I...I never heard that term before. Um, I mean, I’m happy with how I look.”

 

Madam Hinze leaned forward. “And the Concealing charm?”

 

“Ummm...it’s...it makes me look like a girl?”

 

“But you are a girl. So whatever you look like, isn’t that what a girl looks like?”

 

Stephanie swallowed. “No, I mean it makes me look like a real girl...down there.”

 

Madam Hinze blew out a breath. “There we are.”

 

“What?”

 

“Stephanie, what do you think the difference between a boy and a girl is?”

 

Stephanie frowned. “Umm...it’s, well, it’s...a boy has a penis and a girl has a vagina.”

 

Madam Hinze stared at her. “So...how is it that you’re a girl?”

 

Stephanie twitched. “I just am.”

 

“Ok, but if a boy has a penis-”

 

“No, but my body is wrong.”

 

Madam Hinze nodded. “And I understand that. Follow along with me here, though: what, exactly, makes you a girl?”

 

Stephanie swallowed. “I...I don’t know,” she admitted quietly. “But I am! I know I am!”

 

“I’m not saying you’re not. I’m just trying to understand something, and help you understand it.”

 

“What?”

 

“Well, plainly put, what’s between your legs doesn’t matter. It’s what’s between your ears.”

 

Stephanie opened her mouth, closed it, tried to say something, and after a moment managed, “But it’s wrong.”

 

Madam Hinze sighed. “Stephanie, it’s ok to not want what’s between your legs. The problem is, you keep saying that you’re going to become a ‘real girl’ by having surgery.”

 

“But...I am.”

 

“Does that mean you’re not a real girl now?”

 

“No! I...just...but...I don’t...I don’t want it!”

 

“You don’t want what?”

 

Stephanie stared at her blankly. “What’s...I mean, you know... _ it _ .”

 

“Stephanie, I’ve said, that’s fine. But why do you say that you’re not a real girl right now?”

 

She flushed. “Because...I mean...I’m a girl, only...I have a boy thing. I’m a girl, I’m just not...physically a girl.”

 

“And you feel that makes you less than a real girl?”

 

Stephanie stared down at her watch. “Well, doesn’t it?”

 

“No. Stephanie, what’s that?” She asked pointing at her face.

 

“What?”

 

“On the front of your head, with the nose and the eyes.”

 

“My face?”

 

“That’s right,  _ your _ face _. _ And are you a boy or a girl?”

 

“I’m a girl.”

 

“So is it a boy’s face, or a girl’s face?”

 

“It’s a girl’s face,” Stephanie said, giving her a quizzical look.

 

“And that, at the end of your arm?”

 

“My hand?”

 

“Your hand. Is it a boy’s hand or a girl’s hand?”

 

“A girl’s...hand…” Stephanie’s breath caught as she began to get the idea of where this was going. 

 

“And at the end of your leg?”

 

Stephanie swallowed. “My foot.”

 

“Boy or girl foot?”

 

“Girl foot.”

 

“And what’s between your legs?”

 

“A boy’s thing.”

 

Madam Hinze cocked her head. “Isn’t it part of you?”

 

Stephanie shook her head.

 

“It’s not a part of your body?”

 

“I don’t want it,” she whispered.

 

“But it’s there, isn’t it?”

 

Stephanie nodded, eyes burning.

 

“And it’s attached to you, isn’t it? It works, it’s healthy, and all that?”

 

Stephanie twitched. 

 

“Setting aside whether you want it, is it not a part of you?”

 

Stephanie shuddered and nodded miserably. 

 

“And if it’s part of you, and you’re a girl, doesn’t that make it a girl part?”

 

“No,” she whispered, tears starting to trickle down her face. “It’s an ugly, nasty boy part and I hate it.”

 

Madam Hinze sat back, at a loss. “Stephanie...that doesn’t make sense. How can you be a girl with a boy part?”

 

“Because...because...I was born wrong.”

 

Madam Hinze winced. “Is that really what you think? That you’re some kind of mistake?”

 

Stephanie twitched one shoulder in something like a shug. “Aren’t I?”

 

“No,” Madam Hinze said softly. “I think you’re a perfectly lovely girl.”

 

“Now,” Stephanie said. “If you’d met me in June, you wouldn’t even know I was a girl.”

 

“Maybe not. But do all girls have long hair and wear dresses?”

 

Stephanie shook her head. 

 

“Aren’t there girls and boys that you can’t tell?”

 

Stephanie nodded.

 

“The important thing is that people should be allowed to look however they want. Do you look how you want?’

 

Another nod. 

 

“Then that’s good. But were you a girl before you looked the way you wanted to look?”

 

Stephanie nodded again.

 

“So you would have been a perfectly lovely girl then too. A girl that was unhappy with how she looked, but a girl nonetheless.”

 

Stephanie glanced at her. “But you wouldn’t have known.”

 

Madam Hinze bit down a sigh as the clock chimed. “Ok, so this has been good.”

 

Stephanie stared at her. 

 

Madam Hinze smiled. “I know, it’s not been fun, but we’ve found some things we need to talk about.”

 

“I don’t want to,” Stephanie blurted out.

 

Madam Hinze nodded. “I know. But it’s not good to let things like not feeling real, feeling like a mistake, and hating part of yourself fester inside you. I know you think that surgery and potions will make everything better, but nothing will get better if you don’t address the stuff in your head that’s making you feel bad.”

 

Stephanie shuddered. “But it makes me feel bad to talk about it.”   
  
“At first. But after a while, it will get easier. And talking about it and figuring out where the feelings come from and how to address them will help you handle them when they pop up.”

 

Stephanie swallowed. “Do I have to? I mean, can’t I just...be happy?”

 

Madam Hinze sighed. “Stephanie, do your potions taste good?”

 

“No.”

 

“Do you like taking them?”

 

“Not...no, but…” Stephanie sighed. “But I have to take them so I can...change my...body. And you’re going to tell me I have to talk about stuff so I can change my head?”

 

Madam Hinze grinned. “I was actually going for unhappiness can help you be happier later, but I like yours too. And we don’t always have to talk about things that make you unhappy. We don’t even always have to talk. You could draw, or paint, or even play with dolls to act things out, if you like.”

 

Stephanie stared at her. “People do those things?”

 

“Mm-hmm.”

 

“And it makes them feel better?”

 

“Sometimes it’s hard to say things, but it can feel safe to draw them. It can be hard to talk to a person you love about how they’ve hurt you, but it can be easy to talk to a doll. An emotion may be impossible to describe, but painting the way you feel, even if it’s just a morass of colors, can describe it perfectly.”

 

“Oh,” Stephanie said softly. “And they don’t feel silly?”

 

Madam Hinze laughed. “Sometimes, especially the first time. But if it helps, it helps. Do you feel better?”

 

Stephanie blinked. “Um, a little.”

 

“Good. There’ll be times you might leave one of our talks feeling bad, but I didn’t want you to on the first. There is, however, one thing I’d like you to think about between now and next week.”

 

Stephanie nodded.

 

“Has your Healer told you that some girls like you choose to keep their penis?”

 

Stephanie twitched sharply, but nodded again.

 

“Good. Now I’d like you to ask yourself: are they not real girls because they decided that?”

 

Stephanie opened her mouth, only for Madam Hinze to raise a finger, silencing her. “Ah-ah-ah. Think about it. I want to hear all your thoughts, not you just being polite, or telling me what sounds right.”

 

Stephanie closed her mouth, nodding. 

 

“Good. See you in a week, same time.”

 

Stephanie stood to go. As her hand hit the doorknob, Madam Hinze cleared her throat. “Actually, one more thing.”

 

Stephanie turned to look at her. 

 

“If you decide to go to the Purple League meeting this week...maybe don’t use the words ‘real girl’? 

 

Stephanie frowned, “Why-?

 

“Well, how would you feel if someone told you you weren’t a real girl?”

 

Stephanie started and blanched. “Oh.”

 

“Yeah,” Madam Hinze said with a small smile.

 

“Thank you,” Stephanie said softly. 

 

She stepped out to find Amiline and Cindy playing Exploding Snap. They looked up and Cindy blinked and ran over. “Have you been crying? Are you ok?”

 

Stephanie forced a smile and nodded. “Um, yeah. There’s just, um, some stuff I guess I haven’t, um, realized was bothering me. Madam Hinze is going to make me talk about it.”

 

Cindy gave her a hug. “It’ll help. It helps Mum.”

 

Stephanie hugged her back. “That’s what she says.”

 

~~~~~~

 

For the next couple of days, Stephanie turned the question over and over in her head. In her mind, a girl was a girl and a boy was a boy, and she had the unfortunate circumstance of being a girl in a boy’s body. She couldn’t explain why it was, or how it worked, but she knew that it was her body that was wrong, and needed to be fixed. But...what  _ about _ the girls who didn’t fix their bodies all the way? How did that work? How could they live with...with still being part boy? 

 

She was caught out staring at nothing in class a few times, and she barely managed to take any notes during History of Magic. She was still churning through it as dinner time approached on Wednesday. The little card in her pocket was heavy, offering her a double edged sword. On the one hand, people like her, other girls like her who knew and could talk and commiserate, and maybe even answer some of her questions; on the other, she was still struggling to get her head around the question Madam Hinze asked her, and she was afraid of talking to girls who might know the answers and maybe hurting them on accident. 

 

In the end, she pulled the card out of her pocket, staring at it. Cindy looked over her shoulder. “What’s that?”

 

“Um, it’s a supper club. Professor McGonagall suggested I try it.”

 

Cindy grinned. “Sounds like fun! Can I come?”

 

Stephanie blinked. “Uh...it’s...um…”

 

Cindy looked at her face and it clicked. She leaned in and lowered her voice. “It’s a group for girls like you, isn’t it?”

 

Stephanie flushed and nodded. “And boys. But I don’t think anyone’s supposed to know.”

 

Cindy rolled her eyes and hugged her. “Well, you know I’m not going to tell anyone. Are you going to be able to find it on your own?”

 

“Umm…” Stephane stared at the card. It was a plain white, and said only “Purple League” and in smaller letters, “speak password.” On the back was a time and date, 6 pm today.

 

She lifted the card up and said softly, “Hippogriffs in flight.”  

 

Both girl’s eyes widened as the words faded to a tiny map, with a little dot on it. She stood up and took a few steps. The dot moved with her. “Uh, I guess I will be able to,” she said, smiling apologetically.

 

Cindy grinned. “While you’re there, you might ask if they have a card that’ll get you around the rest of the castle,” she teased. 

 

Stephanie blew out a nervous laugh. “Trying to get away from me?”

 

Cindy stuck out her tongue. “Don’t be silly. You can’t stand to be without me.”

 

Amiline made a gagging noise from her bed. 

 

“Hush, you!” Cindy commanded. 

 

Amiline rolled her eyes and went back to staring at her homework.

 

Stephanie stepped back and hugged Cindy. ‘I wish you could come with me.”

 

Cindy rubbed her back gently. “You’ll be fine,” she whispered. “After all, they’re like you! Who’s going to make fun of you in a room of people like you?”

 

Stephanie swallowed and nodded. “Right. It’ll be fine.”

 

Cindy released her and gave her a little push toward the door. “Go on. And then come back and tell me all about it, ok?”

 

Stephanie nodded again, and stepped out of her dorm. The little dot on the map extended an arrow. She turned the arrow around and quickly realized that she basically had a magical GPS. The arrow always pointed the direction she was facing, and the path she needed to take was highlighted. She left the dungeon, eyes on the card.

 

It led her up out of the dungeons and up to the third floor. She walked along deserted corridors, following the dot on the card, until the path ran out right in front of a door. The map changed back to the words “speak password.” She stepped up to the door and softly said, “Hippogriffs in flight.”

 

The door swung open and warm light and the sound of laughter spilled out. She stepped in, closing the door behind her, and stared. The room was laid out with couches, tables, and a buffet. But more importantly to Stephanie, it was filled with boys and girls laughing and talking. There had to be thirty people here, of all ages! She even spotted a few familiar faces, a couple of other first years from other houses, and-

 

“Huh. Fancy meeting you here.” 

 

Stephanie blushed and stared as the girl who’d defended her right to wear pink walked over to her. “Um, hi.”

 

The girl smiled. “Helena Bicknell. And you’re Stephanie, yes?”

 

Stephanie nodded shyly. “Nice to meet you again.”

 

“Did you want to maybe meet some people, or just hang back a bit?”

 

“I, um, think I’d like to just...well, hide, actually,” Stephanie admitted with a sheepish giggle. 

 

Helena laughed. “Alright, that’s fine. I do want to mention two things, though: first, would you like to take your locket off?”

 

Stephanie swallowed and shook her head. “I mean, I’d like to throw it in the lake, if I’m honest, but...it’s hard to get it back on, and-”

 

Helena nodded. “That’s fair. If you ever do,” she pointed at a jewelry rack that was adorned with them. “Just hang it there and remember which number is yours. They’re all identical,” she assured Stephanie at the look on the younger girl’s face, ”it’s just that some of us feel weird thinking that we’re walking out with someone else’s locket.”

 

“Second, first meeting of the year is Q&A night. You write your question on a slip of paper and put it in the box. No one knows it’s your question, and everybody puts one in to be sure. So you need to think of a question and stick it in. If you don’t have a question, put something silly like, ‘what’s you favorite color’ just to make sure that there’s enough questions so nobody gets caught out. If you have lots of questions, that’s great, but you’re limited to three.”

 

Stephanie nodded, head buzzing. Madam Hinze had to know about this. Was she meant to ask? Or was that cheating?

 

“Um, who answers?”

 

Helena smiled. “Me, and a few of the other older girls and boys are your panel this year. There’s six of us. But it’s my first time on the panel, so...I definitely understand your urge to hide. Um, but yeah, write a question or two, toss it in, and then have some food. Panel starts in five, so I’ve got to go get ready. And welcome to the Purple League.”

 

“Thanks,” Stephanie said with a small smile. Helena grinned and walked away, leaving Stephanie to stare at the box. It wouldn’t be cheating, she decided. More like research. She walked over and, after staring at the little slip of paper for a few minutes, wrote ‘My Healers told me that some girls and boys keep their bits unchanged. Why would you do that, and how does that feel?”

 

She took a deep breath, and then shoved the paper into the box. After a moment of vacillating, she grabbed another and wrote, “how do you deal with the feeling of lying to people around you about having the wrong bits?”

 

That was little more honest, she admitted to herself. Hoping it wasn’t too blunt, she dropped it in the box. She was considering a third question, when there was a soft chime. 

 

A tall boy wearing  a Gryffindor tie looked around the room from his place at a table in the middle. “We’re about to start the Q&A. Everybody got at least one question in?”

 

There were nods and murmurs of agreement. Stephanie backed away from the box. If she had to, she could always just ask Helena, or one of the other panelists later. Her two most embarrassing questions were in the box. 

 

The boy nodded briskly and snapped his wand at the box. “ _ Accio _ box!”

 

Stephanie jumped as the box flew across the space to land in his hand. 

 

“Show off!” someone called out. 

 

The boy laughed. “Alright, here’s how it works. We pull out a question. At least one of us answers. If we don’t get your question answered the way you meant it, you can either let it go and ask us later, or clarify it. If you need more, even if it’s not your question, you can speak up. If you’d like to add something to the answer, something  _ constructive _ ,” he glared at a couple of grinning boys and girls, “raise your hand and we’ll try to get to you. That said, we have at least thirty-two questions if my headcount is right, and only three hours. You don’t have to stay for the whole thing, and if you need to step away if a question is a little much for you,” he pointed at a door to the left, “we have a quiet room you can go to.”

 

“One last thing before we introduce ourselves and get started. As far as anyone outside this room is concerned, the Purple League is a supper club devoted to interhouse communication and cooperation. We don’t allow guests without at least two of the officers meeting them and clearing them. If you want to bring a guest, you must let us know a week before the next meeting. Understood?”

 

There were nods. “Ok, then, grab some food and settle in.”

 

Stephanie helped herself to a small plate of finger foods, stomach churning too much for anything else, and a cup of tea. As she did so, the panel introduced themselves.

 

“I’m Richard, and I’m in Gryffindor.”

 

“I’m Cynthia, and I’m Hufflepuff.”

 

“Tommy, also Hufflepuff.”

 

“Aanandi, Gryffindor.”   
  


“Sean, Ravenclaw”

 

“I’m Helena,” she said, and then took a deep breath, “And I’m Slytherin.”

 

There were a few murmurs amongst the younger students at that, and Stephanie shivered. She knew that Slytherin had a bit of a reputation, but she’d thought all the houses did. 

 

Richard cocked an eyebrow. “None of that. We may not be telling the whole truth when we say we’re here for interhouse cooperation, but it is something we believe in. Got it?”

 

There were nods. Richard shoved his hand in the box, mixed things around, and pulled out a strip of paper. He grinned and shook his head. “Right off the bat, then. ‘What’s your favorite animal?’ Well that would be a hippogriff. Anyone else?”

 

The rest of the panel shook their heads, some grinning, some rolling their eyes. 

 

“Right then. Oh, blimey, here’s a toughie. Favorite color! I’ll let another panelist take this one.”

 

Aanandi leaned forward. “I’m fond of a deep, sunset orange.”

 

Richard held the box out to the panel. “Someone else pull, I’m useless at this.”

 

Cynthia shoved her hand in the box and pulled one out. She handed it to Richard, who flipped it over. “Oh. Right.” He took a deep breath. “‘Have you ever tried to hurt yourself?’”

 

The room went quiet. 

 

Sean calmly rolled up his sleeves, revealing a pock mark of scars. “Yes, I have,” he answered quietly. “Most of the bad ones are on my legs, and I won’t show you those. I’ve hurt myself with a knife, I’ve hurt myself with jinxes. I once even tried to curse my breasts off. My Mum and Dad committed me to St. Mungo’s not long after that, and I spent a year there. That was when I started seeing a Healer once a week for counseling. I live with my aunt now, and Mum and Dad don’t talk to me anymore. It’s easier since the potions started, but...I still have nights when my hand goes to my wand and I want so very badly to hurt myself. I’ve even done it a few times, I won’t lie. But I’m getting better.”

 

There was quiet, and he leaned forward, deadly serious. “The best thing I can tell you is that if you want to hurt yourself, talk to someone. Talk to someone right away. Once you start, it’s hard to stop. If you’re already hurting yourself, that doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. But it’s not safe, it’s not good for you, and even though it helps at the time, it doesn’t help in the long run. If you can’t bring yourself to talk to a Healer, you can talk to me. It doesn’t have to be here, it can be somewhere where no one else will see or know. Talk to your friends, if you can. Talk to your family, if you can. But talk to someone, please. I don’t want to stop seeing one of you and hear later that you slipped, or had an accident and hurt yourself too much.”

 

A girl who looked about thirteen raised a shaking hand, tears rolling down her face. “How do you stop yourself?”

 

In that moment, Stephanie thought that girl was the bravest person she’d ever met. 

 

Sean stood up and pulled a pen out of his pocket. “This is a Muggle quill. I don’t know how it works, but the ink’s all inside it somehow, so you can keep using it without having to dip it. My Healer gave me one once and suggested this, and my aunt’s been buying them for me since. Whenever I want to hurt myself, I write or draw on myself. Sometime I write the jinxes or curses I want to hurt myself with. Sometimes it’s just lines where I want to cut myself. Sometimes I draw pictures, so I can see something beautiful. Sometimes it’s just doodles. It doesn’t always help, but it sometimes does, and I use the pen more than I hurt myself now.”

 

He walked around the table and over to her. He pressed the pen into her hand. “Here. I have loads, and if you need more, I can give you as many as you like, in all sorts of colors.”

 

She shook, quietly sobbing, and nodded. 

 

“You don’t have to, but Madam Hinze can help a lot. She’s one of the best counselors I’ve had.”

 

She nodded again. 

 

“Ok. Are you alright to go on? Do you need someone to sit with you?”

 

She gulped and nodded. Immediately, five people stood up, Stephanie among them. The girl blushed through her tears, and shyly pointed at a boy, who walked over and sat down, taking her hand. Stephanie sat back down.

 

Sean returned to the table after giving her hand one more squeeze. He sat down and rolled his sleeves down, hiding his scars. 

 

Richard cleared his throat. His mouth worked for a moment. “Thank you, Sean. And thank you,” he looked at the girl, who was sniffling and staring at her lap, “for speaking up. Any other panelists want a crack at this?”

 

Aanandi swallowed. “I, um, I will,” she said softly. “I don’t have scars like Sean, but...I pinch myself.” She stood up and lifted up her shirt, revealing a number of fading bruises on her stomach. “Sometimes I punch myself. I once banged my head against a wall so hard I passed out. I never told my parents what actually happened, they thought I tripped and fell. I cut myself once, but the blood scared me, even though it was just a little cut, and I was too scared someone would see to try again. I agree with Sean, it’s hard to stop, and it’s not...it’s not good for you. I talk to Madam Hinze, and I have a Healer I talk to at home. My parents aren’t...they wanted a son. But they’re learning to at least live with it. I will say, even though they’ve started to come around, it doesn’t make it easier not to hurt myself. It doesn’t go away just like that. It’s something you have to talk to someone about. And, um, if you don’t mind, I’d like one of those Muggle quills.”

 

Sean fished in his pocket and handed her one without saying a word. 

 

Richard swallowed. “Anyone else?”

 

The rest of the panel shook their heads.  Richard looked out at the shocked and stunned faces. “Does anyone have anything to add?” he asked softly. 

 

Silence. 

 

Richard smiled. “Everyone ok?”

 

The various kids nodded. Even the girl who’d spoken up brushed her eyes and managed a smile. 

 

“Ok. These questions are going to come up, and they should. But I want to remind you, if you need a break, we have a room for that. Now, let’s have another question.”

 

Richard reached into the box, and everyone unconsciously held their breath. He looked at the piece of paper and grinned. “I know who wrote this, and you’re a prat.  My favorite sexual position is none of your business. Panel?”

 

The room let out a breath of relief, and there were a few titters and giggles. 

 

The panel rolled their eyes collectively. 

 

“Pass.”

 

“Not in this lifetime.”

 

“Nope.”

 

“Doggy style.” 

 

Everyone blinked and stared Tommy. “Well, it is.”

 

Helena grinned and shrugged, blushing. “Virgin.”

 

Richard held the box out to Sean, who smiled slightly and pulled a question. Richard took it, and grinned. “Why is the sky blue? I’m not actually sure. Anyone?”

 

Cynthia leaned forward. “I think it’s something to do with the way light works, if I remember my primary school science. It bounces off the air, or something like that.”

 

The next several questions were easy, lighthearted stuff like that, and Stephanie took the time to eat. Part of her was horrified at the thought of hurting herself, but a tiny, treacherous part of her brain reminded her that she’d actively considered risking poisoning herself when told that she might be able to brew a potion to fix herself for a short while. 

 

The room was laughing as Richard cheerfully quacked like a duck in response to being asked if he could do any impressions. He grinned and pulled out a question. 

 

“Ah. How do you deal with the feeling of lying to people around you about having the wrong bits?”

 

The room went quiet again. 

 

Richard set the paper down, and licked his lips. “I’ll go first. I don’t think about it most days, to be honest. And when I do, I just remember that it’s not what’s between my legs that counts. I’ve been taking potions since I was old enough to, so I feel lucky enough to not have ever grown breasts. But...I’m a guy. The fact that I have a vagina doesn’t enter into it. I don’t feel it’s anyone’s business what’s between my legs, except maybe my girlfriend, and she likes me the way I am.”

 

“Anyone else?”

 

Cynthia coughed. “I, um, had the surgery as soon as I could. I didn’t...I just didn’t tell anyone, outside the Purple League. I still worry that people will look at me and know somehow. It’s...something I have to work through with counseling.” 

 

There were more than a few girls who looked shocked, and Stephanie’s own heart dropped into her stomach. Cynthia smiled wanly. “I know it’s not what you want to hear, but that feeling doesn’t go away once you have the surgery, if you decide to have the surgery. At least, it didn’t for me. It’s...ingrained. It’s something I have to work on.”

 

Helena licked her lips. “I...try to get as close to people as I can before I tell them. If I tell them. I don’t feel like I should have to lie, but I’ve lost friends before because of it. But, like Richard said, I’ve mostly decided that it’s no-one’s business but mine and my Healer’s.”

 

Sean shrugged. “You could say I’m lucky that way. With my hospitalization, everyone knew something had happened. And when I came back a year and a half later, it was as a boy. There was no way to hide it. Everyone knew. I got bullied a lot, but my house closed ranks around me, and took to jinxing the living shit out of anyone who so much as looked at me funny. I still feel like I’m lying sometimes, when I look in a mirror and see...myself. But if someone is going to judge me for something that doesn’t even affect them, then that’s their problem.”

 

Tommy looked at the table. “I...I had the surgeries, too. It did make me feel better, but...yeah. I still worry about being too girly. I still sometimes look in the mirror and can’t deal with what I see. I worry that people around me can tell, and that they would hate me if they knew. Like Cynthia said, it’s something I have to work on.”

 

Aanandi coughed. “I can’t really answer that.”

 

There was a general murmur of confusion, and Aanandi sighed. “Look, I’ve been pushed and pushed to be a boy by my parents, and...I just don’t care anymore. I am myself, and that’s that. Potions, surgeries, clothes, who cares? I’m a girl, and that’s what matters, not my body. It took me a long time, and a lot of work to get there, but...I just don’t feel that if I walk up to someone and say, ‘hi, i’m a girl’ that they have any right to assume anything or judge me. I’m not saying I’m perfect or anything, obviously. You all saw the bruises. But I feel like I’d only be lying if I told them I was a boy.”

 

There were several nods, and Stephanie licked her lips, staring at Aanandi wonderingly. Maybe someday she could be like that. 

 

“Anyone else?” Richard called. Nobody responded. He nodded and pulled the next question, another light one. 

 

They made it two more light questions before they got to Stephanie’s other question. Richard;s mouth worked, and then he leaned against the table and closed his eyes. “Alright then. ‘My Healers told me that some girls and boys keep their bits unchanged. Why would you do that, and how does that feel?’” He licked his lips. “And not ten minutes after we all...Ok, I’m going to answer first.”

 

“The first thing is, yes. Some of us do choose not to have surgery. For myself...look, the surgeries to change a vagina into a penis are painful, take a lot of time to recover from, and while there’s a moderately good success rate, I just...I’m comfortable enough in my masculinity most days that I genuinely don’t mind. Something my Healer told me, and something I tell myself a lot is that it’s not what I have or don’t have that makes me a man. The fact that I’m male makes me a man. So, I choose not to undergo surgeries for a number of reasons.

 

“How does that make me feel? Again, most days I don’t mind. There are days where I look in the mirror and I like the man I see. There are days I feel like a coward, and days I feel insecure, and days where I think I should have the surgery just to see if it’ll help. But...as guilty as I feel for it sometimes, I  _ like _ my parts. They’re part of me. They’re mine. They can feel really good. And changing them just because other people think I need a penis to be a man, just because I worry that I’m a coward, that I’m not being true to myself for not going all the way...those aren’t good enough reasons.” 

 

He sighed, and gave a little nod. “That’s me then. Next?”  

 

Cynthia and Tommy shook their heads. 

 

Helena looked like she’d been struck between the eyes. “I...I don’t have surgery because...because I don’t need to. I wanted the potions, sure, but...I wanted breasts, and hips, and not to have a beard. But what’s between my legs is  _ my _ penis. And I’m a girl, so that makes it a girl’s penis. I know for some of you that’s hard to understand, but please hear me when I say: whatever your reasons,  _ you don’t have to change anything about yourself. _ If you don’t want to, it doesn’t make you less a girl or a boy to keep what you have. I did, and I feel ok about it. The Healers will lay it out all nice and neat, and bless them for that. But a good Healer will also tell you that nothing’s required. You can do as much or as little as you need to to feel ok with yourself.”

 

She stopped, face flushed. “So, um, yeah. I’m a girl. And I have a penis. And that’s ok, and I don’t feel the need to change it.”

 

Aanandi shrugged. “Surgery isn’t an option for me until I come of age. My Mum and Dad wouldn’t allow it. When the time comes, I’ll decide, but for now I’m stuck with what I have. Some days I’m ok with that. Some days I desperately want it to go. But...I just don’t know.”

 

Everyone looked at Sean. He grinned. “I’ve only been on the potions for a year. I know I want the breasts to go, but...I’m not in a place in my life where I feel healthy and sound enough to decide if I want to have surgery.” 

 

He swallowed, and went on quietly, “I have a few more years before it even becomes an option, so I have time. I can tell you that my gut response is that everything must go, but I’ve spent so long hating myself and my body that I don’t know it that’s how I really feel or if it’s my fear and hatred talking. And that’s where I am with that.” 

 

Stephanie licked her lips, finding them dry and her hands shaking. She could see that Helena was ok, and Richard was ok. They just...didn’t want or need to change that part of themselves. And as hard as it was to grasp that...they were living, talking proof.

 

A kid raised their hand. After a second, Stephanie realized she honestly wasn’t sure if they were a boy or a girl, and their soft speaking voice didn’t clear things up at all.

 

“I, um, chickened out and asked what your favorite books were.”

 

Richard grinned. “I’ve done that before. I take it you want to change your question?”

 

The kid nodded. “What, um...do you have to even have the potions?”

 

Richard grinned. “That’s an excellent question, and thank you for asking it.”

 

The kid nodded and sat back down, folding in on themself and avoiding the curious looks they were getting. 

 

“First, anyone on the panel want to respond?”

 

Tommy cleared his throat. “Look, I know we’ve all gone on and on about the potions, but no. You don’t need to do anything. It doesn’t make you any more or less...your right gender.”

 

Richard nodded, and looked at the rest of the panel. Aanandi rolled her eyes and grinned. “You’re bursting with it. If we have anything to add, we will.”

 

Richard grinned. “Thanks. There’s this friend of mine who graduated a few years back, and you’ll all get to meet them in a couple of months, because they’ve agreed to come and do a talk. Their name is Xanadu. Xanadu is what the Muggles call genderfluid. Some days they’re a boy, and some days they’re a girl. Some days they’re neither. Some days it’s a little of both. 

 

“Xanadu uses Concealing Charms, make up, special clothes, and body language to move back and forth in appearance. They figure out how they feel each day, and sometimes when they can’t make up their mind, they use nothing and just go with their unvarnished appearance. Some days, Xanadu does know how they feel, but goes with only minimal changes for simplicity. 

 

“I’ve seen Xanadu looking like the girliest girl, and the blokiest bloke. I’ve seen Xanadu look like neither, or leaning more one way or the other. But the point, to answer your question, is that Xanadu chose not to have any potions or surgeries. I can’t tell you, directly, how they feel about their body, because I’m not them. But they’ve said, any number of times, that under all the Charms and makeup and special clothes, is a blank canvas, and that that’s the way they like it.”

 

A girl raised her hand. Richard nodded.

 

“Um, how did Xanadu decide where to sleep?”

 

There was a chorus of murmurs, as various people agreed.

 

Richard smiled. “The Headmistress asked Xanadu where they’d be most comfortable. Xanadu mostly likes girls, so they chose to sleep with the boys. And let me tell you, meeting Xanadu for the first time by seeing a girl walk out of the boy’s dorms was a bit of a shock for me as a little first year. It was Xanadu that helped me to understand that my body doesn’t have to look like other people think it should. And it was Xanadu that stood by me and helped me through it when I realized I didn’t want surgery after all.”

 

“So do you have to have potions? No. I’ve seen someone do it, and do it well with and without magic, with and without special clothes, even with nothing but a smile and ‘hey mates, I’m bloody tired, but I’m a bird today, alright?’ or ‘I’m not feeling up to anything, but it’s he today in case you’re wondering.’ I can tell you that you can decide to change absolutely nothing about your body, and it doesn’t matter. If you’re comfortable with where you, then don’t change things just for the people around you. Be comfortable.”

 

Stephanie found herself shaking. Was this how it was supposed to be? Accepting and learning to live with it? 

 

A boy sitting on the floor noticed her shaking and leaned over to whisper, “Are you alright?”

 

She twitched. “I...I’ll be ok.”

 

Richard was looking at the wrung out panel, and then he turned. “Hokay, so we’ve hit some pretty heavy stuff, and we still have half a box to go. I’m calling a fifteen minute break to let the panel rest a bit, and to give you all time to cool down, or hit the restrooms without missing anything.”

 

He walked over to the buffet, and after a moment, a buzz of conversation started. There was a mass assault on the restrooms and the buffet. 

 

The boy was still looking at her with concern, so Stephanie forced a smile as she stood up. She wasn’t entirely sure how she ended up there, but she found herself leaning against the wall in the quiet room, staring at nothing, in her recovery position, having a panic attack. Someone was kneeling in front of her talking, and she focused enough to see Helena, the boy who’d noticed her shaking standing behind her looking scared.

 

“I’m...ok…” she managed.

 

Helena blew out a breath. “You need to sit. Can I touch your arms?”

 

Stephanie nodded jerkily. Helena gently grabbed her arms and led her over to a couch to sit down. “Do you need anything to drink? Food? Do you need a blanket?”

 

Stephanie closed her eyes, counting breaths. “Tea,” she whispered. 

 

“Caffeine, right.” Helena looked over her shoulder, but the boy was already in motion. 

 

A moment later he was back, holding a cup. It took a couple of tries, but Stephanie managed to unclasp her hands, jerking sharply as the locket fell back against her skin. She reached for the teacup, but her hands were shaking too badly. Helena grabbed the cup and held it to her lips, and she took a sip of the warm liquid. The familiar flavor and smell helped and she felt her shaking start to calm down to something manageable. She took the cup in trembling hands and curled around it, counting breaths and trying to slow her heart rate down.

 

Helena gently rubbed her arms. “Better?”

 

Stephanie nodded. She took another sip of tea, and managed a clear deep breath. Her shoulders dropped and she nearly fumbled her tea as the shaking after the attack set in. Helena caught the cup and held it away from her as she shook. Helena set the tea aside and watched her critically. Stephanie managed a weak smile. “It’s ok...this is...after…”

 

Helena nodded. 

 

Stephanie breathed slowly, willing her body to stop shaking. It helped a little, and she reached out and grabbed the teacup again, swallowing another gulp. The shaking calmed more and she let out a little sigh of relief. 

 

“Are you…?” the boy asked softly

 

Stephanie gave him a small smile. “Yeah, I’m ok. Mostly tired. I should probably eat something,” she shook her head as he started to move, “but I can get it, you don’t have to.”

 

He nodded soberly. ‘If you’re sure.”

 

“Thanks, but I really am ok.”

 

Helena frowned. “Is there...did something in particular set it off, or was it just out of the blue?”

 

Stephanie smiled. “You’re supposed to be on break.”

 

Helena snorted. “Slytherins stick together. I’ll be fine if you want to talk about it.”

 

Stephane shuddered and took another gulp of tea. She stared into what was left of the dark liquid and whispered, “Is it wrong to want to change my...my body?”

 

Helena blew out a breath, and nodded. “Ah. All the ‘I’m fine as I am, and you can be too’ got to you?”

 

Stephanie nodded, cheeks flaming with shame. 

 

Helena licked her lips, only to be interrupted by the boy. “I don’t think it’s wrong. If you need to change to be comfortable, that’s just as ok as not changing.” 

 

Helena grinned. “Blunt, but helpful, Greg.”

 

The boy grinned. 

 

“He’s right. Just because I’m ok with what I have doesn’t mean that you should be, or have to be. My choices aren’t better than your choices. There is no one right way.”

 

Stephanie nodded, letting out a shaky breath. “But…”

 

Helena gently touched her lips with one finger, silencing her. “No buts. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but it really is that simple. What you should do is whatever works for you. It’s your body, your life, and no-one else has to live in it and with it but you.”

 

Stephanie shook her head, and whispered, “But what if it doesn’t help? What if I do it and I still feel bad?”

 

Helena grinned. “That’s what counseling is for. I know I come off all sure and stuff, but I still get counseling once a month. I have bad days, and good days. But the thing is, so does everyone else. Nothing you can do will make everything perfect, and that’s ok too.”

 

Stephanie sighed. “That sucks.”

 

Helena laughed. “Yeah, it does. So you do the best you can, and try to get as much happiness as you can. And that’s about all you can do.”

 

Stephanie sighed again, and drained the last of her tea. She toyed with the cup a moment, and then said, “Thank you.”

 

“No trouble. Do you want to stay in here for a while?”

 

Stephanie shook her head. “I should eat. And I don’t want to miss the rest of it.”

 

Greg leaned forward. “If you start to feel iffy again, just let me know and I’ll help you get in here and get you tea and stuff.”

 

Stephanie blushed. “Um, thanks. But you really don’t have to-”

 

“Slytherin’s stick together,” he replied with a smile. 

 

“Oh. I’m sorry, but I don’t, uh, recognize you.”

 

He grinned. “That’s all right. I only know your name because of your hair.”

 

Stephanie smiled. “One of these days, I’m going to go back to brown and no one will recognize me.”

 

Greg shook his head. “Probably not. I can’t see you with brown hair.”

 

She grinned wider and pushed herself to her feet. She wobbled a bit, and then steadied herself on the arm of the couch. Helena stood up and brushed off her knees. “Do you need help getting out there?”

 

“No, I’m all right. But thank you.” She took a couple of cautious steps, and then smiled at them. “See?”

 

Helena nodded. “Alright. But promise me you’ll let Greg know if you need help.”

 

Stephanie hesitated. “Ok. I will.”

 

Helena cocked an eyebrow at her. 

 

“I promise.”

 

“Good.”

 

Helena led the way back out into the main room, Greg bringing up the rear. Stephanie went over to the buffet and put together a small plate before making her way over to a comfy looking chair in the back and plopping herself into it. Greg gave her one last assessing look before going back to sitting on the floor near the panel. 

 

Richard cast a glance at Helena as she took her seat again. “Alright, it looks like we’re all back. Let's get started up again, shall we?”

 

Helena cleared her throat, and Richard looked back at her. 

 

“I’d just like to be sure and say that while some of us have chosen not to have surgery, and there are people who chose not to use potions, it’s ok to do both, or either. We’ve talked a bit about how we feel about choosing not to change something, but I just want it said that one is not better, or more healthy. You should do what’s right for you, whatever that is.”

 

The panelists nodded. Richard smiled as he looked at the crowd of kids. “Good point, that. Just because some of us can handle what we have, or choose to keep what we have, doesn’t make any of you less able, or less healthy, or less than us in any way. We just chose to do our transition differently. Everyone clear on that?” 

  
  


There was a bunch of nods. 

 

“Right then. Thanks for bringing that up, Helena. Now then, onwards!”

 

The next several questions were light, easy questions, and Stephanie focused on eating while listening with half an ear, grinning occasionally when someone on the panel made a joke, or when someone in the crowd added something funny. She was beginning to think they’d made it through all the hard questions, when-

 

“Ah,” Richard said softly, nodding.“‘I haven’t told anyone yet. How do you tell your parents, and what if they freak out?’” He toyed with the piece of paper. “I got lucky, there. I’ve been telling my parents since I was little, and when they took me to a Healer to see if there was something wrong with me, they actually listened to the Healer when she said that it wasn’t a sickness, but it was something that might require medication. I was allowed to dress the way I wanted, and so on. Basically, my parents had the best reaction that could have been hoped for. Someone else?”

 

Sean sighed. “Look, you all heard mine. They didn’t take it at all well, and I live with my aunt now. It’s...hard. But I’m happier for having done it.”

 

Cynthia leaned forward. “Mine took it pretty well, all things considered, so...yeah.”

 

Tommy shrugged. “What she said. They weren’t keen on the surgeries, and they argued with me a lot about having them, but other than that, they mostly adjusted well. My gran still calls me the wrong name, but I don’t have to see her often, and Dad corrects her every time, so...yeah. I got pretty lucky too.”

 

Aanandi smiled. “I waited until a couple of years ago to tell my Mum and Dad. They sent me to a bunch of ‘healers’” she made little quote marks in the air, “who spent a lot of time trying to heal me of being a girl. Finally, I just told them flat out that I wasn’t going to go to these stupid quacks any more, that I was a  girl, and that they could deal with it now, or they could deal with it when I grew up and stopped talking to them. 

 

“Then I didn’t say a word to them for two months. Hardest summer of my life. I don’t know if it was the not talking, or the refusing to go to the healers or if they just genuinely decided that it was ok for me to be who I was, but one day, Mum took me shopping and bought me girl clothes. They never said a word about it, except to say that I wasn’t allowed to ‘mutilate’ myself under their roof, so no surgery. They don’t call me by my name, but they don’t comment on my choice of clothes, and they allow me to have the potions, so...it’s not the best, but it’s what I have.”

 

Helena shot her a look of sympathy. “I’m pretty lucky myself.” she said quietly. “I’ve got two dads, and they’re both pretty understanding of stuff to do with self expression, and how you feel inside. When I wanted dresses, they gave them to me. When I wanted make up, they showed me how to put it on. And when I told them I was a girl, they hugged me and took me to a Healer so I could know what options I had. They never said boo about it.”

 

There were more than a few envious looks directed at Helena, Stephanie among them. How nice would it have been to grow up as herself, without so much as a peep about it?”

 

A kid stood up, and raised his hand. Richard nodded at him. 

 

“I haven’t told anyone except you lot and Madam Hinze. I’ve known since I started puberty that being a girl wasn’t for me, but my family is old fashioned, and I have nowhere to go if they kick me out. And they would kick me out. They don’t like that I wear my hair short, they don’t like that I won’t wear dresses, but so long as I don’t cross the lines too far, they don’t say anything beyond pestering me to girl it up a bit.” 

 

He looked around at them, and swallowed. “Someday, maybe, I’ll do more than dress the way I like. I’d be dead chuffed to hear someone outside this room call me by the right name, and the right pronouns. But I can’t do anything for it right now. So let me tell you, if you don’t want to tell your parents, if you can’t tell your parents, if it’s not safe right now, you shouldn’t feel that you have to. You’ll hear it a lot at these meetings, but do what’s best for you.” 

 

“As much as it sucks for me right now, what’s best for me is not to piss off the only home I have. And while that’s a pretty terrible thing to have to say about my parents, it’s just as ok to be who you are quietly if you need to to keep you safe. The potions will still be there, the surgeries will still be there, and Madam Hinze won’t say a word to anyone about anything if you need someone to talk to. It doesn’t make you a coward, it doesn’t mean you’re giving in. It means not now. It means you’ve decided to wait to show the world who you are until you can do it on your terms.”

 

He licked his lips, and sat down, saying one last time, “Do what’s best for you, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

 

There was silence, and then a small voice called out, “Um,  _ can  _ we call you your right name outside?”

 

The boy sighed. “No. My friends would tell their parents who’d tell my parents, who’d...you get the idea. I’m only Mark in this room. Outside, if you see me, you have to call me Fran.”

 

Several people winced. Richard looked around the room. “You all heard that, and as much as some of us hate the idea of calling someone by their wrong name, Mark needs us to do it for his safety. So that’s what we do, understood?”

 

There was a chorus of yesses, and Stephanie nodded, mouth a little dry. She couldn’t imagine hiding it. Even when she’d been forced to live like a boy, she’d still at least known that Mum wouldn’t toss her out for trying to be who she was. Greg glanced back at her, as he’d done a few times, and raised an eyebrow. She licked her lips and gave him a thumbs up. She wasn’t panicking so much as she wanted to go give Mark a hug. But she didn’t know him, and she wasn’t even sure he would want a hug after that. 

 

Richard nodded and looked around. “Thank you, Mark. That needed to be said, and I’m glad you did. Anyone else want to take a whack at this one?”

 

There were a few headshakes, and then a girl stood up. “Yeah, so...what to do if your parents freak out. Um...there’s really nothing you can do, that I’ve found. My Dad just about flipped it when I told him the first time. And the second time. And the third time. There wasn’t a fourth, and I thought I was going to have to do like Mark does and wait until I grow up. About a year later, though, he talked to a Healer about it, and the Healer bluntly told him that kids like us sometimes hurt ourselves, and sometimes...sometimes we don’t make it. 

 

“He got roaring drunk and then the next day he asked if I’d ever hurt myself, or ever would. I tried to lie about it, but then he asked about potions, and I couldn’t hide the look on my face fast enough, and he got all quiet. He grabbed my arms and asked me again, and I had to admit that I’d been looking into brewing my own. And then he didn’t say anything for a few days, and then we had a meeting with the Headmistress out of nowhere, and that’s how I found out he’d decided to take me seriously. 

 

“Since then, he’s spent the last few years creeping up on it. This is the first year I’ve been allowed to wear my hair long. But if he hadn’t...I would have stayed quiet about it. I can’t say I wouldn’t have hurt myself, because I might’ve. But as much as it hurts to stay quiet, if your parents freak out and you think you won’t be safe, don’t feel guilty for doing what you have to to protect yourself. Talk to someone if you want to hurt yourself, like they said, but yeah. It’s nothing to be ashamed of if you choose to hide it if they freak.”

 

She sat down. 

There was another bit of quiet, as Richard looked around the room, and when no-one else responded, he gave a nod. “Thank you,” he said to the girl. She shrugged. 

 

Richard looked into the box. “Ok, we’ve got only a handful to go. Anyone object to me pulling them all out and seeing if we’ve got any more serious questions?”

 

No-one objected, so Richard pulled them out and rapidly read through them. He nodded. “Ok, we have one more. Do we want a few of the soft ones in between, or shall we just dive in?”

 

There was a brief buzz of conversation, and then Richard waved for silence. “Show of hands for light questions?”

 

A number of hands went up. 

 

“Show of hands for hitting the heavy one first?”

 

More hands went up than for the light one. 

 

“Ok, looks like most of us want to dive in. And remember, if you need a break, take one. No one will think less of you.”

 

There were a few nods. 

 

Richard picked up a slip of paper and read off, “‘I want to tell my mates, but I’m afraid of being bullied. How do I handle it?’ Well, for myself, I’d say take a moment and figure out who in this room is in your house. That way you have a support network to fall back on if things get out of hand. And then tell them, if you want to. You shouldn’t have to hide who you are. But on the other hand, if you think they might hurt you, or they might run around telling people you don’t want told...I, personally, wouldn’t tell mates like that. But that’s me. I don’t know your mates, I don’t know where you’re at. If you’re talking to Madam Hinze, that’s something you could ask her about, she’d have better advice. Panel?”

 

Helena squirmed. “Like I said, I keep it pretty much to myself. I’ve only told a few people, and most of them took it wrong and we’re not friends anymore. A couple took it ok, and that was great, but mostly, I don’t tell people.”

 

Sean nodded. “I’m pretty much out to everyone that was at school when I came back as a boy, and I’ve already said about that. Sometimes, someone will see my scars and ask, and I’ll tell them. Sometimes, someone will see my breasts if I’ve overslept and and don’t have time to tuck them away for the day. I have a Concealing Charm bracelet, but it only works some of the time, because it can’t hide the scars from magic. And sometimes, the scars on my wrists ache and I have to take it off. So, sometimes I have to tell people. But everyone close to me knows already.”

 

Aanandi nodded at him, and then shrugged. “I don’t tell people. Some people know, just because they knew me before, but for the most part, people didn’t really notice me before, and only a handful made the connection. Like I said earlier, I’m a girl, and that’s the whole truth as far as I’m concerned.”

 

Cynthia grinned. “I used to tell people I wanted to date, before my surgery. But mostly, I don’t anymore. That part of my life is over, and I don’t feel that it’s anyone’s business.”

 

Tommy licked his lips. “I do tell people. Sometimes someone will make a nasty joke about girls and I slap them down. If they get all huffy about it, I’ll tell them I used to be one, sometimes. Some of the boys I’ve liked got super weird about...about how my stuff looks, since I’m not completely finished changing down there. So I’ve told them why it looks that way. Some took it ok, some didn’t. I have been bullied about it, sometimes, and I’ve had more than my fair share of fights. Sometimes I win, sometimes not. It’s not how the teachers like you to handle things, and they will make you talk to Madam Hinze if you get into too many fights. And by too many, I mean more than one. 

 

“But I tell people because...because it’s a part of who I am. It’s not a part I’m always happy about, or ok with. There’s loads of people I wish I hadn’t told. But that’s not to stop me from telling people in the future, because...because I feel like who I am, and who I was, is mine to tell, my story to share. If it helps someone, or gets rid of someone I didn’t need in my life, or just happens to be something I need to tell someone at the time, I can. And I refuse to be shut up by my fear that I’ll lose people.”

 

A few people were nodding, and Richard looked around the room. “Anyone else want to share?”

 

No one did, apparently, and Richard’s face turned serious. “On that note, two things: first, never tell anyone about someone else without their express permission. You wouldn’t like it if it was done to you, don’t do it to others. I know, it seems like a no brainer, but we’ve had a couple of gits that we’ve had to sit down and give a firm talking to. Second, if you do tell someone, and you lose friends, remember that you have friends here. You’re not alone.”

 

There was an emphatic round of nods, and Richard grinned. “Now, let’s finish off these questions, and then we’ll have a half hour or so where we can mingle and talk amongst ourselves.”

 

He picked up the next question. “What’s your favorite class? That’ll be Defense Against the Dark Arts for me.”

 

The panel got stuck in answering the last of the questions, all light stuff, as Richard promised, and Stephanie took the opportunity to fetch a little more food and tea. She wasn’t sure she was going to talk to anyone after, and she had Astronomy in a few hours, so maybe a nap…Amiline didn’t seem to need as much sleep as she and Cindy did, so she’d be more than ok to wake them up and get them to the tower.

 

She returned to her chair and sat eating, not really paying attention, until Richard clapped his hands. “Right then, are there any further questions? I know it’s supposed to be anonymous, but if you have one that you’d like answered out in the open and you didn’t ask it before, now’s the time.”

 

Stephanie licked her lips, getting a bit of food off them. What the heck, she might as well. She raised her hand.

 

Richard looked at her. “Yes?’

 

Stephanie quailed as the entire room turned to look at her. “Um...do girls...does...after the surgery...um, locket?”

 

Cynthia twitched. “Ah. You have to understand...you see, the spells…” she sighed and closed her eyes. “Look, don’t get discouraged, but sometimes, depending on how far you’ve gone, yes. You still have to wear the locket. I’ve only had the one surgery, and I still have to.”

 

There was a thundering silence, and several girls sank in their seats. Stephanie’s hand went to her locket to pull it away from her like she did when she had an attack. Her breathing was unsteady, and she wasn’t sure if one was coming on, but right at that moment, she didn’t want to feel it against her. 

 

“Oh,” she said softly. She swallowed heavily. She might have to wear this thing the entire time she was at school! She shuddered and started counting breaths. Just a necklace, just a necklace, just a necklace… “Um, thank you for answering,” she managed to get out.

 

Cynthia gave her a gentle look. “I’m sorry,” she said, and then looked around the room at the other girls. “I know it’s not what anyone wanted hear.”

 

A few girls stood up and went for the quiet room, and Stephanie’s face flamed. Great, she’d ended things on a sour note. That boded well. Why hadn’t she waited to ask?

 

Richard, nodded at her. “Thanks for asking. It’s a hard question, and I’m glad you did.”

 

Cynthia nodded, glancing at the quiet room. “Me too. No one told me until after the surgery, and I about had a fit.”

 

Stephanie swallowed again, and then jumped when a cup of tea appeared in front of her. She looked up at Greg gratefully and accepted it, setting her empty cup aside. Richard looked around the room. “Any further questions?”

 

There were a few head shakes, and Richard waited a beat before nodding. “Alright then, mingle if you like. Thanks for coming. Cards with the meeting time for next month are on the table by the door. The password will be ‘dragon eggs.’ Oh, and several clubs use this room, so check with myself or Cynthia if you want to book it for something. Just dropping by won’t work.”

 

Stephanie sat drinking her tea as conversation started up again. She winced when Cynthia went into the quiet room, still feeling bad over bringing everyone down. Maybe she should just finish her tea and go. While Greg’s back was turned, she set her teacup down and slipped out the door, taking a card with her for next month. 

 

Outside, she stared at the hallway, trying to remember how she’d gotten here. She’d been so focused on the card, she hadn’t really thought about how to get back.

 

“Bollocks,” she whispered. She pulled the card back out and walked down the hallway a little bit. “Um, hippogriffs in flight.” 

 

The card sat stubbornly in her hand, not changing in the slightest. 

 

“Is that a Finder Charm?”

 

Stephanie jumped and looked around. The hallway was empty. 

 

“Over here, dear.” 

 

She followed the voice to find a painting staring at her, a matronly older woman. The woman waved. 

 

“Um, I don’t know. It told me how to get here?”

 

The woman smiled. “Sounds like it. Finder Charms often only work once. First year?”

 

Stephanie nodded. 

 

“And you don’t know how to get back.”

 

She nodded again. 

 

The woman in the painting smiled. “Where are you trying to get to, dear?”

 

“Um, Slytherin Dungeons.”

 

“Alright, first you follow this hallway down to the landing, then-” the woman set into a series of complex directions that left Stephanie’s head spinning. 

 

“Wait, wait! I, um, I can’t...I’m not good at directions, sorry,” Stephanie said with a sigh. 

 

“Oh. All right then, just go down this hallway and around the corner a bit.”

 

Stephanie frowned, but obeyed. She rounded the corner and stared at the landing. She could get this far, but-

 

“Psst!”

 

Stephanie looked around. Her eyes widened when she saw the woman from the first painting standing behind the occupant of another painting, who was snoring gently. The woman held a finger to her lips for silence, and then whispered, “Down the stairs past one landing, get out at the second landing you come to, then left down the hallway to the corner.”

 

Stephanie obeyed a grin lighting up her face. Why hadn’t she thought before to ask the paintings for directions? Privately, she admitted, it was probably because Cindy was so good at them that she’d likely already memorized the castle. Stephanie wasn’t sure how to manage the feat, since the castle seemed to alter its insides so often. Not only did the staircases move, but sometimes hallways weren’t where she expected them to be, paintings...She stopped at the bottom of the staircase, eyes closed, and put a hand over her eyes, shaking her head as it hit her. The paintings could move about! That‘s why they were rubbish as landmarks!

 

She sighed and carried on, coming around the corner. There was her guide, sitting in a lush painting of the jungle. “Can all the paintings move about?” she asked. 

 

The woman nodded. “Of course! You don’t think we just hang on the wall all days, do you?”

 

Stephanie blushed. “Um, muggle paintings do. Hang on the wall and not move about, that is.”

 

“Well, that must be qute boring.”

 

“A little,” she said with a grin.

 

The woman smiled and directed her down the corridor for a ways, then sent her down a moving staircase that came over just as she stopped at the head of it. She went from from staircase to staircase walking along the landings swiftly, trying to get down before she ran out of staircases, but finally her luck ran out on the last floor before the ground floor, a staircase moving away and leaving her on a landing. 

 

“Bugger,” she muttered. 

 

The woman chuckled. “That is a bit inconvenient, isn’t it? Well, nothing for it. Follow me.”

 

Stephanie set off down a hallway that looped around the outside of the castle, pausing occasionally to take directions from her guide. At last, they popped back out in the main stairwell, just as the staircase started to move again. She took two running steps and leapt onto the top stair, grabbing the handrail to stop herself from falling down them. She held on tightly as the staircase moved back to its original position, muttering under her breath, “Bloody thing bloody moving…”

 

She walked down the stairs as fast as she dared when they stopped again, and breathed a sigh of relief when her feet touched the ground without further incident. She looked around and spotted her guide waving from a painting that held a sleeping dog, and a man lying in a chair, glaring at her. 

 

“Of all the impudent-” the man was saying as she approached.

 

“A student needed help,” the woman said, her tone placating. 

 

“No reason to wake me up!” he barked. 

 

“I did try and be quiet,” the woman said reasonably. She looked at Stephanie. “Down this hall, dear, and then a left.” 

 

Stephanie nodded, and then curtsied at the painting. “Sorry to have woken you sir.”  

 

As she followed the directions, she heard the woman try a couple of times to apologize as well, only to be met with grumping. She waited at the spot where the directions ran out, looking around at the paintings. The woman sidled into view in one, and put a finger to her lips again. The painting was of a unicorn, and it lay whiffling and snoring lightly in a grove. She pointed down the hall at the corner, and whispered, “Right.”

 

Stephanie nodded.  The rest of the journey to the dungeon entrance was mostly whispered directions. She sighed in relief when she came to a statue she recognized. She turned and gave the woman a smile. 

 

“Thanks loads,” she whispered, not wanting to awaken the young woman sleeping in the painting. 

 

Her guide nodded. “No trouble, dear. Can you find your way from here?”

 

Stephanie nodded and sketched a curtsey. The woman smiled. “Very well. Good night, dear.”

 

She started to turn, and Stephanie whispered, “Wait!”

 

The woman looked back at her, most of her body already out of the painting. “Yes, dear?”

 

“Um, I don’t know your name?”

 

The woman smiled. “I’m Rosinda Heatherwrought. And you?”

 

“Stephanie Mallow. Nice to meet you, and thanks again!”

 

Rosinda nodded and vanished. 

 

Stephanie made her way back to her dorm without further trouble. The walk back had done her a world of good, even the frustrating detour the stairs had caused. Still, she felt twinge at the thought of the look on the girls faces when Cynthia had answered her question. She’d probably try and go back, but...she wasn’t entirely certain whether she had made herself any friends tonight. 

 

That thought brought back the welter of confusion she felt when she considered the question of genitals. She swallowed as she made her way to her dorm, turning things over in her head.  She opened the door to find a tense silence. Donna was sitting on her bed, going over star charts, while Cindy and Amiline sat on Amiline’s bed. They all looked up as Stephanie walked in. She smiled at Donna, seeing the tiny gold rimmed glasses perched on the end of her nose. 

 

“Those, um, look nice.”

 

“I look like a dork,” Donna said flatly. 

 

Stephanie sighed. “Yeah, whatever then.” She ignored the startled and mildly offended look on Donna’s face, and walked over to give Cindy a hug. 

 

Cindy returned the hug with a small smile. “Mmm. How was the club?”

 

Stephanie sat down, blushing. “Informative.”

 

Cindy leaned back and looked at her closely. “Oh. That good?”

 

There was a sharp sigh from behind them, and they turned to see Donna gathering up her star charts. “I can take a hint,” she said sardonically, opening her trunk and extracting her telescope and cloak. “See you for astronomy.”

 

She flounced out and Amiline breathed a sigh of relief as the door closed. “Thank Merlin. She’s been sitting over there being tense at us for an hour.”

 

Stephanie grinned. “Being tense at you?”

 

“You know what I mean. That way you can be quiet while letting someone know that you wished you could be anyplace else,” Amiline replied. “It gives me a headache.”

 

Stephanie gave her shoulder a friendly shove. “Everything outside dueling gives you a headache.”

 

Amiline grinned. “Hey, one track mind.”

 

Cindy tapped Stephanie on the shoulder. She looked down at her. The smaller girl cocked an eyebrow. “Not to steal your phrase, but if you don’t want to talk about it, are you at least going to be ok?”

 

Stephanie blushed. “Umm...I’m mostly ok now.”

 

Cindy wrapped her arms around her. “You had a panic attack, didn’t you.”

 

Stephanie nodded. “Um...it’s...yeah. Yeah, I did,” she admitted with a sigh.

 

Cindy hugged her again and patted the bed beside her. “Want to talk about it?”

 

Stephanie sat down and sighed again. “I, just...They were talking about having...keeping...about not having the surgeries.”

 

Amiline sat up. “The surgeries to change your...parts? The ones you yelled at Donna about?”

 

Stephanie nodded. “Yeah. And...and I just...how can I not?”

 

Cindy blinked. “Wait, I thought you had to? Didn’t you say you had to?”

 

Stephanie shivered and crossed her arms. “I...some people like me don’t. I heard some of them talk about it tonight. And Madam Hinze told me that I should think about it.”

 

‘Why? Does she think you shouldn’t have the surgeries?”

 

“No…” Stephanie swallowed. “It’s because, um...I don’t...it’s because I said that surgery would make me a real girl.”

 

Silence for a moment, and then Cindy sat back, a flat look on her face. “What.”

 

Amiline nodded. “I remember you saying that when you were yelling at Donna. You mean you actually think you’re not a real girl?”

 

Stephanie cleared her throat. “Well...I mean...I have a boy’s...thing.”

 

Cindy reached up and grabbed her ear. Stephanie yelped as she was pulled face to face with the smaller girl. “You. Are. A. Girl.”

 

Stephanie winced at the tugging on her ear. “Yes, I am, I know!”

 

Cindy glared at her. “So if you’re not a real girl, what sort of girl are you?”

 

Stephanie gaped at her. ‘Uh...I...uh…”

 

Cindy pulled her closer until their noses touched. “The opposite of real is fake. And you’re not a fake girl, right?”

 

Stephanie swallowed. “No,” she whispered. 

 

“So? What’s that leave?”

 

‘Girl with boy bits?” Stephanie offered. 

 

Cindy rolled her eyes. “That’s...Stephanie! That’s not what I meant!”

 

Stephanie pulled away, and Cindy let her go. “Well, that’s what I am,” she said tiredly.

 

Cindy folded her arms. “Really? That’s what you really think you are? A girl who needs surgery to actually be a girl, because there’s bits of you you don’t like?”

 

Stephanie stared at her, and a sudden thought struck her. “Look, you like girls, right?”

 

Cindy blinked. “You are not about to try that, are you?”

 

“Would you still like me if-”

 

Cindy grabbed her head and planted a sharp, small kiss on her lips. Stephanie stared at her, shocked into silence. Cindy was breathing hard, and she licked her lips unconsciously. 

 

“I  _ told _ you I liked you  _ after _ you told us you had...had a  _ thing _ ,” she said. “A...what’s it called?”

 

“Pee-something,” Amiline put in helpfully. 

 

“Penis,” Stephanie whispered, hand going to her lips, feeling where Cindy had kissed her.

 

“Thanks. After you told us you had a penis,” Cindy said. Stephanie winced at hearing that particular phrase, but Cindy held her head firmly. “So don’t tell me I can’t like you as a girl because of it.”

 

Stephanie swallowed. “Um...but...would you…”

 

Cindy groaned and pulled back. “Stephanie, I didn’t even know what it was called until ten seconds ago. I’ve never even seen one! And I‘m eleven! You’re eleven! I want to snog you, and cuddle with you, and hold hands! The thought of  _ anything _ ,  _ any  _ parts makes me feel weird!”

 

Stephanie blinked at her, and Cindy snorted. “Look, I still like you, knowing. And if you decide to keep your penis,” Stephanie winced again, “then that’ll be your decision and I’ll support you. Whether it’s as a friend, a girlfriend, or more.”

 

Stephanie swallowed. “But I don’t want it.”

 

Amiline sighed and put a hand on her arm. “Then what’s the problem?”

 

“I…”

 

“It’s that you can’t deal with it,” Cindy said softly. “You can’t understand that it doesn’t matter, huh?”

 

Stephanie licked her lips. “But why? It’s...it’s supposed to be the part that...if I didn’t have it, I would have been a girl all along! No one would have told me I was a boy, no one would have even questioned it! It’s what makes a boy a boy!”

 

Cindy hugged her. “And that’s been terrible. But you’re a girl. And you met boys who didn’t have one, right? And girls who did?”

 

Stephanie nodded, tears of frustration pricking at her eyes. “And...I don’t understand. I don’t understand how it can not matter to them. How they can still be who they are and not...not change that.”

 

Cindy stroked her back. “Didn’t some of them change it?”

 

Stephanie nodded again. 

 

“So everyone does it differently?”

 

Stephanie sniffled. “But...how? Why? Madam Hinze told me to think about it, and I don’t know! I just…don’t! I couldn’t! I can’t! I can’t have it on me any longer than I have to, I just can’t!” She was starting to get slightly hysterical, and Cindy grabbed her. 

 

“Wait! Wait, stop! Hang on!”

 

Stephanie stared at her through her tears. Cindy stared at her. “Do you think that you have to keep it? I mean, if it’s part of, you have to keep it?”

 

Stephanie opened her mouth, but no words came out. “But…”

 

“You do!”

 

Amiline sighed and flicked her on the forehead. Stephanie jerked back staring at her. The other girl gave her a small smile. “You’re being a bit of a tit again.”

 

Stephanie blinked several times. “But…”

 

Cindy grinned. “Steph, I think that’s your answer. It’s not for you, but...that doesn’t mean it’s bad for you. Just that you don’t want it.”

 

Stephanie swallowed. “Oh. Oh. Um...That’s...oh.”

 

Amiline chuckled. “I think you broke her.”

 

~~~~~~

 

Stephanie stared at the door, bouncing slightly in place. The door opened and Madam Hinze stepped out. She caught sight of the girl and glanced at the clock. “Oh, it is that time, isn’t it? Well come in, come in.”

 

Stephanie hurried into her office, and took a seat on the couch. 

 

“You certainly seem excited today. Did something happen?”

 

Stephanie nodded. “I, um, went to the Purple League meeting, and they had a question and answer-”

 

Madam Hinze winced. “And you asked them what I asked you? You did word it differently, though, right?”

 

Stephanie nodded hastily. “Yeah, but then I had a panic attack because there were some of them talking about how they were ok with keeping their bits the same, and I just kept thinking that that’s what I’m supposed to be like, but how can they be like that, and then I got calmed down, but I asked a question that upset everyone, so I left and when I got back to my dorm my friends were waiting for me, and they talked about it with me and I freaked out on them , and I realized why I’m scared.”

 

Madam Hinze blinked at the verbal assault. “Oh?”

 

Stephanie took a deep breath. “I, um...I’m...it doesn’t...I don’t have to keep it.”

 

Madam Hinze nodded. “Yes, but you knew that.”

 

“No, I mean, I know that, yeah. But...Cindy, the girl I like, figured out that I’m afraid if I let it be part of me, that I have to keep it.”

 

Madam Hinze nodded again, slowly. “And has that changed how you feel about it?”

 

Stephanie deflated. “No. I’m still...it’s still there, right? And...it’s what made people think I was a boy in the first place...what if...until it’s gone, I’ll always be scared that someone will find out I have it and make me be a boy again.”

 

Madam Hinze nodded slowly. “But there’s something very important you’re forgetting, dear.”

 

Stephanie looked up quizzically. “What?”

 

“That we know you’re a girl. That you live as a girl now. And that no one can force you to be something you’re not, not inside where it matters, not really.”

 

Stephanie blinked. “Oh. But...I mean...oh.”

 

Madam Hinze grinned. “And this is why we need to talk about things, my dear. Now, shall we try again?”

 

Stephanie blinked. “What?”

 

“What’s that at the end of your arm?” 

 

Stephanie squirmed. “Can we not?”

 

Madam Hinze smiled. “All right. Just to be sure, though: you do understand that it’s part of you, even if it is a part you want to change?”

 

Stephanie gave a small nod. “I...it’s not bad for me, it’s just not for me.”

 

Madam Hinze blinked. “That’s very good.”

 

“That’s the way Cindy put it,” Stephanie said with a little smile. 

 

Madam Hinze grinned. “You have a very wise friend.”

 

Stephanie smiled. “Yeah.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are again, back with you again. MOAR drama! All the things! Concrit welcome as always, and yeh, it gets a little dark for a while from here.

Stephanie was sitting at breakfast communing with her tea when the letters hit the table in front of her, followed by a tiny ball of feathers and hate attacking her bacon. She yelped and started back, nearly spilling her tea. 

 

“Hello, Murderball,” she said with a grin. The tiny owl paused in mauling the bacon to glare at her indignantly, as if to chastise her for dragging him all this way. She picked up the letters, feeling a stab of guilt. She’d meant to write Mum, she’d just been so busy…

 

Both of the letters were addressed to her, but one was in a standard envelope, while the other was in an old fashioned envelope that was cherry red. She picked up the red envelope, turning it over. 

 

“Shite!” Amiline yelped from beside her, scooting away. 

 

“What?” 

 

Cindy sat down next to her. “Sorry, I couldn’t find any more tea and oh crap you got a Howler.”

 

Stephanie stared at the thing. “Um, what’s a howler?”

 

Amiline swallowed. “You know how paintings can talk and move, right? Well, a Howler shouts at you. Really, really loud.”

 

Stephanie blinked. “Um...what if I don’t open it?”

 

Cindy winced. “The longer you wait, the louder it gets. If you wait too long, it’ll open itself and start shouting.”

 

Stephanie licked her lips. “Well, arse. Think it’ll help if I open it in the hallway?”

 

Amiline shook her head. “Everyone’s going to hear. It’s really, really loud.”

 

“Oh. Um, I guess I better just…” She turned the envelope over and fingered the seal. “If you want to, um, scoot away-”

 

Cindy swallowed. “No, I’ll stay.”

 

Amiline sighed. “I guess I will too. I’m covering my ears, though.”

 

Stephanie nodded. She slid a fingernail under the seal, and felt it pop.

 

Immediately the letter leapt into the air in front of her and a tremendous explosion of sound emerged. Stephanie clapped her hands over her ears, which only mitigated the sheer volume enough that she could actually make out the words. 

 

_ “STEPHANIE ELIZABETH MALLOW. IT HAS BEEN ALMOST A MONTH AND NOT  ONE WORD FROM YOU, NOT A LETTER, NOT A POSTCARD, NOTHING. IF I DON’T GET A SUBSTANTIAL REPLY WITH MURDERBALL YOU CAN EXPECT ANOTHER ONE OF THESE ONCE A WEEK UNTIL I DO, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME YOUNG LADY? WRITE A LETTER. TODAY. OR ELSE.” _

 

The letter tore itself to shreds that burned away to nothing before dropping more than a few inches. Stephanie pulled her hands away, ears ringing, and shook her head to clear it. Everyone was staring at them and Stephanie turned beet red. She jumped when Cindy leaned into her, shaking slightly under the gaze of the entire Great Hall. She put her arm around her and squeezed her gently until people started to look away, and Cindy relaxed a little. 

 

“Sorry,” the smaller girl whispered. “It was your Howler, not like I...sorry, just…”

 

Stephanie gave her another quick squeeze and rubbed her arm. “It’s ok. I’m pretty sure it was meant to have that effect.”

 

Amiline nodded, and blew out a breath. “Um, how does your Mum even know about Howlers?”

 

Stephanie gave Cindy one last squeeze and then pulled her arm back to pick up the letter. “Bet you my Healer told her about them.”

 

She tore the envelope open and pulled out a normal letter. 

 

_ Stephanie, _

 

_ Like the Howler? I’m really quite cross with you, and Erzie suggested it. First things, then, young lady, I meant what I said. I expect you to start writing me, or I’ll bombard you with Howlers. Decent length letters, not just, “I’m fine, send shampoo,” or some such nonsense. I mean it, young lady. Write. I’ve been worried sick. _

 

_ But onward to better news! You were right about Erzie. I asked her out, and took her to a movie. She was utterly delighted with the whole experience, and we go every Friday now. Stephanie, she’s wonderful. She’s funny, and smart, and she likes me. We haven’t got beyond going out, but I’m like a schoolgirl. I’m having fun just spending time with a beautiful woman that wants to spend time with me, and I spend hours just thinking about her.   _

 

_ And just in case you’re worried, no, it doesn’t mean that you’ll have to find another Healer. Erzie says that as long as she files the appropriate forms, she won’t have any troubles.  _

 

_ In other news, I may have stumbled onto an endless supply of work. It turns out that wizards need technical writers too! When Erzie found out what I did for a living, she offered to put me in touch with some Healers that apparently need to get some things written up, but can’t write clearly to save their lives. I’ve already had an offer of 300 pounds just to write a ten page paper! I’m meeting with the wizard tomorrow to discuss the details and get an idea of whether this is something I can even manage, but Erzie thinks I’ll be good at it. And beyond that, she thinks I’d be good at writing textbooks, and maybe even ghostwriting some real books!  _

 

_ I’ll wrap this up before I go on and on, but I miss you, and I wish you were here. I’m sure you’re learning loads of wonderful things, and I look forward to hearing all about them.  _

 

_ Write soon, and I love you, _

 

_ Mum _

 

Stephanie was grinning by the time she finished the letter. Cindy looked at her, most of the color returned to her cheeks. “Good news?”

 

Stephanie nodded. “Mum’s got a girlfriend! And she’s getting job offers to do writing for wizards and witches.”

 

Cindy licked her lips. “Your mum likes girls?”

 

Stephanie nodded, and then grinned and pulled her into a one armed hug. “Yup.”

 

“Oh. You, um, might have mentioned that when I was freaking out about making you like me,” Cindy said in a reproachful tone.

 

Stephanie shrugged. “I didn’t think about it. I only found out the day before I left for school.”

 

Amiline leaned over and flicked her ear, making her jump. “Hate to break this up, but we have to get to class.”

 

Stephanie sighed and stood up. “Yeah. Onwards.”

 

On the way out of the dining hall, Cindy bumped hips with Stephanie. “Steph?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Please write your Mum.”

 

“I will!”

 

“Only the next time you get a Howler, I’m hiding under the table.”

 

Stephanie blushed and giggled. “I might join you.”

 

~~~~~~

 

After class, Stephanie sat down on her bed, balancing a book on her lap, and pulled out a sheet of parchment. Cindy squirmed into bed next to her with half her History of Magic notes, while Amiline took the other half. The last of the Bertie Bott’s were in the middle of the bed, along with ink, quills, and a stack of books that Stephanie had grabbed for research purposes. Stephanie grinned at them. 

 

“I’m surprised you’re not taking a night off.”

 

Amiline’s head shot up. “That’s an option?”

 

Without looking at her, Cindy flicked a bean at her head. 

 

“I mean, no, no, we wouldn’t dream of it,” Amiline said in a deadpan tone. “We’ll just get on with these exciting, wonderful reference texts.”

 

Stephanie laughed and put a hand on Cindy’s shoulder. “I’m serious. We’re actually pretty far ahead.”

 

Cindy looked up at her with a smile. “I don’t mind, actually. You found some seriously interesting books this time. And,” she said, fixing Amiline with a mock glare, “if a certain someone wants to keep sleeping through class, she really ought to stop complaining about getting all the notes she needs to pass.”

 

Amiline let out a heartfelt sigh. “Yeah, yeah.”

 

“Besides, if you hadn’t fallen asleep,” Cindy said, picking a book out of the pile, “you’d know that part of what we’re studying is the greatest duel in wizard history.”

 

“What!? Gimme!” Amiline said, snatching the book out of her hand. She flipped it open to stare at the face plate. “Hey, this is about the second wizard war!”

 

Stephanie grinned. “Oh, yeah. Something about Gratham the Black and Duke Something…”

 

“Duke Tanabis!? That was in the second wizarding war!?” Amiline stared at the book. “This isn’t a trick to get me to study willingly, is it?”

 

Cindy rolled her eyes. “Of course it is. It just happens to also be true.”

 

Amiline sighed. “Fair enough. How much of this book am I going to have to read to get to the good parts?”

 

Cindy giggled. “Guess you’ll have to read it to find out!”

 

Amiline rolled her eyes. “Gee, thanks.”

 

Cindy grinned at her and then flicked Stephanie on the leg. “Don’t you have a letter to write?”

 

Stephanie stuck her tongue out. “Yeah, yeah.”

 

Cindy looked down at her book, and then back up at Stephanie. “Um, Steph?”

 

“Mm-hmm?” 

 

“What are you going to tell your Mum about me?”

 

Stephanie blinked. “That I...I mean, I guess we’re girlfriends?”

 

Cindy blinked. “You guess? You’re not sure?”

 

“Well, I’ve never had a girlfriend. But the only time we’ve been apart is when I’ve been meeting Madam Hinze and the Purple League meeting. And we hold hands and stuff. And, you, um,” Stephanie blushed, “sorta kissed me the other night.”

 

Cindy swallowed. “I was, um, wondering when we were going to talk about that.”   
  


Stephanie smiled. “After I write my letter maybe?”

 

Cindy nodded. “O-OK. I’ll just, um, be trying to study, then.”

 

Amiline glared at them. “Merlin, I swear you’re going to give me a toothache, you two.”

 

Cindy grinned and threw another bean at her. “Hush, you!”

 

Amiline ficked a bean back and stuck out her tongue, before going back to her book.

 

Stephanie smiled wider, and picked up her quill. 

 

_ Dear Mum _ ,  

 

_ I’m sorry I haven’t written to you sooner. It’s been an exciting month, and I got caught up in it. I have missed you, but whenever I’ve thought to write, I’ve been buried in homework, or talking with my friends, and I just never got to actually figuring out if there was a school owl for me to use. I’m really sorry. I promise I’ll write more from now on.  _

 

_ I’m learning real magic! And it turns out I’m really, really good at charms! The first night I was here, I learnt to cast a charm that makes things change color! And, um, I also may have sort of gotten into a fight and got detention for turning this really weird, mean girl pink. Like, she was completely pink. Madam Pomfrey had to put it right. But she said some really hateful things about me being a muggleborn and then called me a stupid cow! And we share a dorm, so I have to put up with her, because she’s got this weird pride thing going on, and won’t switch rooms, even though she hates me and Cindy and Amiline. Cindy and Amiline are the other two girls I room with, by the way.  _

 

_ Transfiguration and potions are a lot harder than I thought they’d be. I read the books, so I know some of it, but actually doing the transfigurations is really difficult. And potions have to be brewed just exactly right, if you look away from them or mess up the ingredients even a little, bam, the potion goes off. But both classes are loads of fun! Headmistress McGonagall teaches transfiguration, if you can believe it. She’s super strict, and has a weird sense of humor, but she’s really smart and she makes sure that you know what you’re supposed to do before she starts teasing you.  _

 

_ The Potions Master, Professor Bassenthwaite, makes us play detective to learn about the potions, so we have to learn all about the ingredients and how they go together and then guess what potion we’re making. Amiline complains that it makes her head hurt, but Amiline complains that everything she doesn’t like makes her head hurt, and she’s actually really smart. Oh, and Professor Bassenthwaite is our Head of House!  _

 

_ Right, houses. I don’t know if Ms. Erzie told you about them, but there’s four of them: Slytherin, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, and Gryffindor. I’m in Slytherin, because it’s supposed to be where the ambitious people go, and this singing hat decided that I wanted things so hard that I had to be a Slytherin. A lot of the other students think Slytherins are gits, but aside from Donna, the girl I turned pink, everyone’s either ignored me or been really nice. Well, except for when they’re teasing me for wearing so much pink, but I don’t mind that so much, because when they did it I was dressed like a five year old playing princess, so they were kind of right.   _

 

_ Oooh, and remember Professor Longbottom? He teaches a class here too, called Herbology! And he looks a right sight better in his robes than he did in Muggle clothes. It’s all about magical plants and stuff, and some of them are even like little animals that move and everything. Professor Longbottom treats them like pets, and really loves them. Last week a Ravenclaw student accidentally cut one of the plants really badly while trying to trim it, and I’ve never seen Professor Longbottom so mad! He took thirty points for “rank irresponsibility!”  _

 

_ Right, points. So we get points for our house for good stuff, and lose points for doing bad stuff. House with the most at the end of the school year wins a trophy! Amiline and Cindy and Donna and I lost a load of points for fighting, but we’re making it up. I’ve got almost twenty back, and Cindy and Amiline have got ten each! They tease me about that, but I keep telling them that if they’d speak up in class, they’d get more. But Cindy’s really shy, like afraid of people shy, and Amiline can’t be bothered most of the time.  _

 

_ And then there’s  Astronomy, which I don’t mind, but it has us up really late, so Thursday mornings are extra hard. Oh, and Defense Against the Dark arts, which I’m not very good at. We’re supposed to cast jinxes and counter-jinxes, but for spells to work, you have to feel them inside you, and I just can’t get my head around using magic to hurt people. Professor Abbott says that I need to focus on the spell as a tool, but every time I go to cast it I choke up and it misfires. Oh! But we don‘t actually shoot them at each other yet, there’s target dummies, so it’s safe and everything. I’m just focusing on the counter-jinxes and hoping that’s good enough, because I don’t really want to learn to hurt people.  _

 

_ And remember how excited I was for History of Magic? It’s the worst! The professor is a ghost, and he talks in a total monotone all the time. Like, he just starts talking and runs on without pausing for breath until the class ends! I’ve managed to take notes and I’ve gotten Amiline and Cindy to help me study by going to the library and looking everything up, but it’s just a terrible class! Speaking of, could you maybe send me a small thermos? I’d like to take some tea with me to class to help me keep awake, and wizards don’t have thermoses, they have Warming and Cooling Charms, but Professor Flitwick, who teaches Charms, says they’re really easy to mess up and that I probably shouldn’t try them just to have hot tea until I’ve learned them thoroughly.  _

 

_ Oh, and the library! Mum, it’s bloody huge! I think they must have used a spell to make it bigger inside than outside, because even though the school is a bloody castle, there’s no way that library can fit inside it and there be room for anything else! It’s one of my favorite places, and Amiline thinks I’m a nutter for liking books so much, but there’s SO. MANY. BOOKS. If there was a job where I could work in the Hogwarts Library, like Mr. Gorith, the librarian, I could do it until I died and be happy. But wizards live a really long time, and work a long time, and there’s only ever a librarian and three assistants, and Mr. Gorith is super young, so unless one of the assistants leaves right as I’m graduating, it’s not likely to happen. Which is kinda sad, because Mr. Gorith says the Hogwarts library is one of the biggest and best magical libraries in Europe, and there’s only two or three nearly as big and well stocked. Maybe if I become a librarian, I can go work for one of the others?  _

 

_ But, um, back to classes, there’s one more class, and I’m absolute rubbish at it. Flying. You know how witches are supposed to ride around on broomsticks? They actually do! Well, they’re supposed to, but I can’t make them go right. Whenever I get on a broom, it’s like that one pony at the fair that went mad and tried to throw that kid off, remember? Or a bicycle with a mind of its own, only its mind is like Murderball’s, and actively loathes all humanity. So I get on the broom and hang on until I’m allowed to get off. Madam Hooch says I’m getting better, but I think I made her angry when I asked why we couldn’t just learn to teleport and be done with it. Apparently, that’s not allowed until you turn 16, and then you get a learning permit, like driving a car.  _

 

_ Oh, and I found out that I’m not allowed to do magic at home over the hols! I was really sad about that, because I wanted to show you stuff that I learned, so maybe you and Ms. Erzie could come up to the school for fall break? _

 

_ Speaking of Ms. Erzie, congrats! I’m so glad for you and her, I think you’ll make a really good couple! And I’m glad she’ll still be my Healer, because I really do like her. Obviously not as much as you like her, but you know. Have you snogged her yet? _

 

_ And, um, speaking of Healers, I’ve been talking to Madam Hinze like Ms. Erzie said I should, only I didn’t until after detention with Professor Bassenthwaite (only the one detention, no worries!) and he wanted me and Donna to talk things out, only we ended up shouting at each other a lot, and I told her I was born a boy, and it turns out she has dyslexia, only wizards think dyslexia is really shameful, so she’s really hateful and bitter because she’s been looked down on and mocked a lot. Like, dyslexia is apparently like having a really bad sex disease to wizards, or something. But Professor Bassenthwaite has it too, and he gave her these glasses that make it better as soon as she puts them on, and told her that it was silly to be ashamed of something so easy to fix, and made her go talk to Madam Hinze too.  _

 

_ I’m getting better about my body, though, with help from Madam Hinze and Cindy and Amiline. Oh, yeah, I told Cindy and Amiline right off, because I had a panic attack about them hating me, and I needed to know if they were true friends or not. They didn’t mind at all!  _

 

_ And I met other kids like me too! There’s two more in Slytherin, a girl and a boy, both older than me. I don’t know why there’s not as many Slytherins who are like me, but there’s almost forty of us here! We had an anonymous Q&A for the first meeting of the Purple League, and I kind of messed up. I asked a question about the lockets after the anonymous part was over, and the answer gave a couple of girls fits, so I don’t know if they’re mad at me, cause I sort of slipped away after that. There was a lot of talking about keeping your thing the same, and I had a really hard time with it, but I talked about it with Cindy and she helped me a lot.  _

 

_ Speaking of Cindy, I have a girlfriend too. It just sort of snuck up on me, but it really happened, and I’m really liking it alot. She’s this little bitty girl with brown hair, and the nicest eyes and these really cute freckles all over her face. When I told her that I was born  _ _ wrong _ _ different, (Madam Hinze says I have to stop saying that I was born wrong) she told me she fancies girls, and that she fancies me! And I’m not sure if I fancy girls, like all girls, or not, but I really fancy Cindy a lot. We hold hands, and it makes my stomach all twisty and warm, and she cuddles with me when we study, and she kissed me a few nights ago when she was trying to get me to stop asking her if she’d still like me if I kept my thing. She says we’re 11 and thinking about stuff like that, with any parts involved, makes her feel weird, but that she likes me a lot, and she’s willing to support whatever I choose, even if it’s not her, and that makes me feel mushy inside too. We haven’t kissed since, and we’ve yet to talk about it happening, but her lips felt really nice on mine, and if I hadn’t been having a bit of a panic, I‘d have wanted her to do it again. Actually, I’ve been thinking about it and I really want her to do it again. So, wish me luck there, I guess? _

 

_ But I’ve written a lot and I have to study for History of Magic now. I’ll post this in the morning, so PLEASE NO MORE HOWLERS. It was like sitting in front of a stadium air horn, only it was shouting words at me! And Cindy was sitting next to me, and everyone stared, and she’s said if it happens again, she’s going to hide under the table, and Amiline freaked out when she saw it, and it’s the mark of how good a friend she is that she didn’t take off running immediately! _

 

_ Send a reply with Murderball, and I’ll send one back, only I can’t write a letter every day, because I really have a lot of schoolwork.  _

 

_ I love you lots, and I miss you lots! Congratulations again on getting together with Ms. Erzie!  _

 

_ Love,  _

 

_ Stephanie. _

 

_ P.S. How did you decide my middle name was going to be Elizabeth? I like the way it sounds, and I’m definitely okay with it being my name! I just hadn’t picked a middle name yet, and I about fell off my seat when you yelled it out like that.  _

 

_ P.P.S. Please don’t forget the thermos, I’m going to die in History of Magic without tea.  _

 

Stephanie blew on the letter to let the ink dry, licking her lips as she reread the section about Cindy. Hopefully, Mum wouldn’t freak out about having a daughter that was doubly different. Or, now that she thought of it, that she had a girlfriend at eleven. 

 

Cindy looked up at her hesitantly. “All done?”

 

Stephanie nodded. “Yeah. Um, where do I get an envelope, do you think?”

 

Cindy grinned. “You didn’t bring any?”

 

“No, I, um,” Stephanie grinned sheepishly, “didn’t think about what it meant that I was communicating by post. I sort of forgot.”

 

Cindy giggled and slid off the bed. She walked over to her trunk, rummaged through it for a moment, and came up with a few folded sheets of parchment, a lovely parchment envelope, a sealing stick, and a little seal. 

 

“I hope you don’t mind, the seal has my initials on it.”

 

Stephanie shook her head. Cindy stood on one foot, wavering visibly for a moment. “Um, I know it’s really rude, but could I read the bit about me? You can say no! I’m just,” she grinned and blushed a little, “really curious to see how you describe me to your Mum. I’ll let you read mine!”

 

Stephanie flushed. “That’s not fair!” she said with a grin. “You’ll know to be extra careful what you write, and mine’s just...just…”

 

Cindy licked her lips, and held out the folded pieces of parchment. “Actually, I wrote mine a couple of days ago. I just haven’t had time to post it.”

 

Stephanie stared at the letter. “You...wrote about me?”

 

Cindy squirmed. “It’s still not fair, cause I wrote about you the first time I sent a letter home,” she admitted.

 

“When did you write home!?”

 

“Second week?”

 

“First week,” Amiline volunteered without looking up from her book. 

 

Stephane stared at them. “When did you post them?”   
  


Amiline looked up. “Right after detention? Remember, I said I had to go to the owlery?”

 

“Oh.”

 

“I, um, posted mine while you were meeting with Madam Hinze the first time,” Cindy said.

 

Stephanie sighed. “I feel terrible.”

 

Amiline snorted. “You forgot you needed envelopes. And that owls carry post. And you live and breathe books. I’m just surprised your Mum waited this long.”

 

Stephanie blushed. “She, um, had other things to think about.”

 

Cindy grinned and held out her letter. “Yeah, about those sorts of things...So?”

 

Stephanie shyly extended her own letter. “Um, second page, right near the end.”

 

Cindy swallowed. “First page, second down.”

 

“Oh. Look, it’s only near the end because I didn’t want to just say and then go on about other things,” Stephanie said as Cindy took the letter.

 

Cindy grinned, holding the letter close to her. “It’s alright. You were near the end in my first letter too.”

 

Stephanie nodded and took the letter Cindy was holding out, hands shaking a little, and unfolded it. She found the second paragraph and sat back to read.

 

_ Mum, you remember Stephanie, the girl I like that said she likes me? I think she really does! She holds my hand all the time now, and she was really worried because she’s got that condition, right, that I can’t tell you about because it’s private? And anyway, she’s had a really bad time with it, and she found out that some people do the treatment differently and she was having a time of it, and she was really worried that if she did it that way I wouldn’t like her anymore, and I...I kissed her! Right on the lips! And she didn’t freak out, or push me away, or anything! She just touched her lips! Only, she hasn’t said anything and I’m a little scared to, but she hasn’t stopped holding my hand, or hugging me, or touching me, so I think it’s all right.  _

 

_ And...even though I was really frustrated with her for being a bit of a tit, as our friend Amiline says Stephanie is when she gets all worried that we won’t like her because of her condition (and honestly, I bloody hate whoever it was that was mean to her over something she has no control over, because it’s given her the shakes like you have, Mum), but right, I was frustrated that she was being a tit, and I kissed her without meaning to, but...Mum it was the best thing! I almost stopped arguing with her because I wanted to do it again and again, and I can’t stop looking at her lips, and I REALLY want to kiss her again. And the best part is, I think she might let me!  _

 

The letter went on from there, but the subject changed to her Mum’s shakes and Stephanie quickly realized it wasn’t anything she was meant to read and stopped reading.

 

She looked up to find Cindy pink to the ears, staring at her. The other girl slid onto the bed, blushing and staring at her, and Stephanie’s heart rate shot up as she realized they’d both had the same thoughts about that kiss. She took a deep breath and leaned in and pressed her lips against Cindy’s. It was warm, and soft, and she moved her lips slightly, firming them up and brushing them across the other girl’s. They both pulled back at the same time, panting, both bright red. 

 

“I liked that,” Cindy said softly. “A lot. You?”

 

“Yeah,” Stephanie breathed. 

 

“Ahem.”

 

They turned to find Amline blushing the color of her hair. “Would you like some privacy?”

 

Cindy blushed harder, and gave her an emphatic nod. 

 

“Right. Oh, and, um...so you know, you’re meant to use your tongues, too.”

 

Stephanie stared at her. “What?”

 

Cindy squirmed, glaring at her. “I know that, I’ve seen Gen snog boys.”

 

Stephanie blinked and looked at her. “Tongues?”

 

Cindy leaned in and Amiline coughed. “Wait a mo! Let me at least close the curtains!”

 

Stephanie frowned. “It doesn’t weird you out, or anything-”

 

“No! No, just...I wouldn’t want to snog someone with an audience for the first time, and can you imagine if Donna walked in? That’d kill things.”

 

Stephanie thought it over a moment, then grinned. “Oh. Yeah, you’ve got a point.

 

She pulled back from Cindy, and they both reached for the curtains, pulling them closed on their side, while Amiline got the other side and the foot of the bed. 

 

“There. Now, um, have after it,” Amiline called from the other side of the curtain. 

 

Stephanie crawled up to the head of the bed, brushing aside books and papers to clear a space for them to sit comfortably. Cindy slid in next to her, and they sat there for a moment, staring at each other nervously. Then Cindy reached up and gently put her hands on the sides of Stephanie’s face. She leaned in and whispered, “When I kiss you, open your mouth a little. Not a lot, just a little.”

 

Stephanie nodded, and then Cindy’s lips were pressing against hers again. She shivered and leaned into it, forgetting everything for a moment. And then Cindy’s lips parted and her tongue gently touched against her lips. Stephanie’s lips opened without thinking, and just like that, Cindy’s tongue was in her mouth. It was only there a moment, just the slightest little intrusion, but she gasped at the feel of it. Cindy pulled back, face panicky. 

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t, we don’t have to-”

 

Stephanie grabbed her face and pulled her back to her, pressing their lips together again. Cindy made a muffled little whimper, and this time, Stephanie gently licked at Cindy’s lips. Cindy shuddered and opened her mouth, and Stephanie slid her tongue in. Their tongues darted back and forth, and then their arms went round each other and they slid down against the pillows, making out slowly. Neither of them was certain how long the kiss lasted, but when it ended, they lay there holding onto one another, breathing hard.

 

“That,” Stephanie said seriously, “is the nicest feeling I’ve ever had.”

 

Cindy giggled and kissed her again, gently, no tongues, just lips. She pulled back, and smiled, eyes wet. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to feel that.”

 

Stephanie giggled. “Well, I’m glad it was with me, and not some other girl.”

 

Cindy hugged her and sighed, laying her head on Stephanie’s shoulder. “Me too.”

 

Stephanie rubbed her back slowly, aimless little circles, and grinned. “You realize this is going to seriously mess up how we study, right?”

 

Cindy snorted and pulled back, mock glaring at her. “That’s what you think about?”

 

Stephanie leaned in and kissed her gently, drawing a shiver and a squeak from the smaller girl. She pulled back and grinned again. “Yup. Because now when you’re cuddling with me and we’re trying to study, all I’m going to be thinking about is snogging you.”

 

Cindy giggled and shivered again. “I guess we’ll just have to be practical about this. No snogging until studying is done.”

 

Stephanie licked her lips. “No, I think we’re going to have to take snogging breaks.”

 

“Oh?”

 

She kissed her again, and Cindy moaned softly, melting into her and kissing her back fiercely. They kissed for a while and when they finally broke apart, Stephanie grinned and panted, “Studying takes hours, and I’m not sure I can stand hours of having you right there and not snogging you. I won’t be able to concentrate on anything if I don’t snog you pretty regularly.”

 

Cindy gigged and kissed her again. In between kisses, she murmured, “I think...I...can be...alright...with that…”

 

~~~~~~

 

Stephanie groaned when Cindy dragged her up to the owlery before breakfast to post their letters, Cindy using a school post owl that required a few knuts dropped in a little sack on its leg, Stephanie by giving it to Murderball, who was extra displeased at being awakened. Sucking at the little bite on the side of her hand, she shuffled down to breakfast and tea. 

 

It was strange going through class after last night. She caught herself looking at Cindy and blushing several times, and they giggled randomly as they walked through the halls between classes. Amiline was extraordinarily patient with them, teasing them gently about their newly discovered enjoyment of each other. 

 

They were walking down to dinner when a voice called out behind them, “Oi!”

 

All three of them turned and Stephanie blinked at finding Genevieve Halstrom bearing down on them, a determined look on her face. 

 

The older girl crashed to a halt in front of them. She looked down at Stephanie and Cindy’s linked hands and nodded. “Right, that’s what I thought.”

 

Cindy blinked. “Gen, what-”

 

“Hush, you,” Genevieve said. She stepped close to Stephanie. “Now listen here. My little sister’s caught a lot of grief for liking what and who she likes. I trust her taste, but I want it understood: if you hurt her, I’m going to jinx you until you can’t stand up. Got that?”

 

Stephanie swallowed, leaning back from the older girl. “I wouldn’t-”

 

“Oh, I know.” Genevieve leaned in closer. “But I want it understood. Do you?”

 

“Yes,” Stephanie said in a small voice. 

 

Cindy reached over and shoved Genevieve. “Hey! Stop that!”

 

Genevieve straightened up. “Just getting it clear, little sister.”

 

Cindy scowled. “And by getting it clear, you mean scaring my first ever girlfriend off?”

 

Stephanie blushed. “I’m not running, Cindy. And if I hurt you, I’m sure I’ll have it coming.”

 

Cindy blinked at her. “Bad Stephanie. You’re supposed to take my side.”

 

Stephanie grinned, and looked at Genevieve. “You’ve terrified me. Oh, oh, my heart. You monster.”

 

Cindy nodded primly. “Better.” She then burst into a fit of giggles. 

 

Genevieve rolled her eyes. “Lovely. I can’t see any way this is going to go wrong.” She shook her head and smiled, putting her hand on Stephanie’s shoulder. “Be good to my sister, all right? She’s got it coming.” 

 

Stephanie nodded. 

 

“But how did you know?” Cindy asked. 

 

“Mum wrote after your first letter to ask me to keep an eye on you,” Genevieve said cheerfully.

 

Cindy sighed. “Lovely. I’m sure you’ll be getting another letter here shortly, I just posted one this morning.”

 

“Probably, then,” Genevieve said with a grin. “I’ll stop pestering you then.”

 

Amiline raised her hand. “Um, hello?”

 

Cindy blinked. “Oh, right, sorry. Amiline, this is my older sister, Gen. Gen, this is our roommate, and general mate, Amiline.”

 

Amline stuck a hand out and shook Genevieve’s. “Nice to meet you. And don’t worry, I’ll blast the both of them if they start acting like gits. But I don’t think you have to worry, they’re all soppy, all the time.”

 

Genevieve laughed. “Nice to meet you too. And good to know. Right, well, I’m off to dinner.”

 

She grinned at them one last time, and then set off for the Great Hall. 

 

Cindy sighed. “Sorry about that.”

 

Stephanie grinned. “I don’t mind. I wish I had an older sister to look out for me like that.”

 

Cindy giggled. “I’m glad you don’t. I’d have had an attack if someone came up and threatened me like that.”

 

“Um, you realize you’re going to have to meet my Mum at some point, right?” 

 

Cindy swallowed.  “I’m, um, trying not to think of that.”

 

Stephanie grinned and pulled her into a hug. “Don’t worry, she’s actually super nice. I’m sure she’ll only threaten you a little.”

 

Cindy shuddered and swallowed. “Good to know.”

 

Amiline poked them in the arms. “Oi. Food.”

 

Cindy glared at her. “We are having a moment.”

 

“I am wasting away.”

 

Stephanie snorted, and hugged Cindy a little tighter for a moment before releasing her. “Come on, we’d better go before she gets stroppy.”

 

“I do not get stroppy!”

 

“No, not at all…”

 

“Sod off!”

 

Cindy grinned. “Not stroppy in the slightest.”

 

~~~~~~

 

That Friday, as they walked out of class (or in Amiline’s case, mock stumbled) Stephanie was staring at her notes, one hand in Cindy’s so she didn’t walk into a wall. As good as she was about homework, and as hard as she pushed the other two to study, the homework never stopped. She shuddered to think of what end of term was going to be like, if there was already this much now. She turned her homework over in her head, already planning out her weekend, when Amiline snatched her notes from her hand. 

 

“I know that look! The answer is no!”

 

Stephanie blinked and stared at the other girl. “What?”

 

“You are not spending another weekend studying. There’s Dueling Club, the first Quidditch match is this weekend, and if I have to, I will hide all your books, put a leg locker on you, and leave you in bed with nothing to do but snog Cindy. But by Merlin, you’re taking a weekend off!”

 

Cindy colored up prettily at the mention of snogging all weekend, and giggled. “I might like that. Have to bring you tea, and snuggle all weekend, and read you stories in bed.”

 

Stephanie sighed. “But-”

 

“No buts! You can write two feet of anything in an hour, you git, and Professor Binns never assigns homework anyway. And I happen to know, from dreadful, up close examination, that you’ve already done your charms and transfiguration homework. So you’d only be studying to get even further ahead of everyone else. You don’t need to, you just like to, and I’m determined that you’re going to have some proper fun this weekend!”

 

Stephanie stuck out her tongue. “If I like studying, doesn’t that count as proper fun, then?”

 

“No, that’s an illness,” Amiline said firmly, mischief gleaming in her eyes. 

 

Cindy’s hand shot up and covered Stephanie’s mouth, making her jump and blush as the feel of it. 

 

“Oh, no, Healer Amiline! You mean Professor Stephanie is sick? What is it? What can we do?”

 

Amiline struck a pose. “I’m afraid the professor has come down with a terrible case of boffinitis!’

 

“No!” Cindy gasped. “Anything but that!”

 

“Yes, I’m afraid so,” Amiline nodded seriously. 

 

“But what can we do?”

 

Amiline smiled. “Fortunately, there is hope! All we have to do is give the professor regular injections of normalness!”

 

Stephanie jerked and her eyes widened. 

 

“Oops, I mean, um...less smart fun?” Amiline squeaked. “Fun that people who don’t bleed ink and write essays in their heads enjoy? Like, that sort of normal? Because you’re normal, I mean, you’re not, um, abnormal, I mean,” she looked at Cindy despairingly. “Help? I’ve fallen in a hole and I can’t get out!”

 

Stephanie gently licked Cindy’s hand, causing the other girl to yelp and snatch it back.”Amiline, it’s fine. Really. It just caught me off guard, is all.”

 

Amiline blew out a breath of relief. “Thanks. Now, kindly allow me to drag you to Dueling Club for your first treatment, Professor Stephanie!”

 

Stephanie grinned and nodded. “But can we change first?” 

 

Cindy reached over and firmly wiped her hand on Stephanie’s robes. Stephanie stared at her. 

 

“What? You licked me!”

 

Stephanie pulled her into her arms, and leaned over until their noses touched. “I thought you liked it when I licked you?”

 

Amiline choked, and Cindy made a little stunned noise and started turning red. Stephanie replayed that statement in her head, turning bright red too. “Um, on the mouth, I meant. When we snog.”

 

Cindy swallowed, beet red, and grinned. “Yeah. But, um, that’s different.” 

 

Stephanie’s head darted forward and she planted a gentle kiss on her girlfriend’s lips, only to pull back as Cindy started trembling. “What?”

 

“There are people staring,” Cindy whispered.

 

Stephanie’s head jerked up, and sure enough, there were several Slytherins and Gryffindors who suddenly found the walls absolutely fascinating. “Oh. Um...shite.” She pulled back a little, unsure of what to do here as Cindy seemed to simultaneously cling to her, while closing her eyes and pushing her away slightly. “Cindy, I’m sorry, I-”

 

“No,” Cindy said softly, opening her eyes. “I will not be ashamed,” she said, voice shaking. “I have a lovely girlfriend who I fancy a lot, and I’ll not be...not be…” her voice trailed off, and she stood shaking for a minute. “Can we please go?” she whispered, tears starting to prick at the corner of her eyes.

 

Amiline got on one side of her, and Stephanie took the other, and together, they managed to get the shaking and silently crying girl back to the dorms. Stephanie got her sat on her bed and held her until the shaking slowed. Cindy sat up, wiping her eyes, and gave her a wan smile. 

 

“Sorry, I’m being a bit of a tit,” she whispered. 

 

Stephanie shook her head. “No, I’m sorry for snogging you in front of all those people without asking.”

 

Cindy winced and pulled back, looking at the floor. “You shouldn’t be. I’m the one who’s a coward.”

 

At the same time, in the same tone, Amiline and Stephanie said, “What.”

 

Cindy sighed and flopped back, closing her eyes. “I just...I’m so worried about being bullied again, that I get my first kiss in public, and my first thought is, ‘shite, now people are going to start laughing at me, and messing with me again’ instead of, ‘oh, lookit the pretty girl that wants to kiss me!’ I’m sorry, I’m such a ow!”

 

She jerked upright as Stephanie pinched her on the leg. “You’re not a coward,” Stephanie said softly. “I worry about those things too. I mean, for different reasons, but...look, I just forgot that people freak you out, and I forgot that you’ve been bullied, and I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to freak you out, and I didn’t mean to out you in public like that.”

 

Cindy sighed and hugged her. “I know. And I’m not mad at you, or anything. I mean, we’re together, and it’s not like I want to hide that or anything.” She pulled back and gently kissed Stephanie. “I just...I’m afraid. I’m afraid we’ll get hurt. I’m afraid people will be cruel. I’m afraid we’ll get yelled at and called awful things as we go down the hallways. And I’m afraid for you. I know you’ve been bullied too, and I don’t want to have brought it down on you again. I don’t want people to find out about you, and then everything you’re afraid of come true. And I saw people staring, and heard people whispering, and...and I just freaked out.”

 

Stephanie put their foreheads together. “None of that makes you a coward. I’m scared of all those things too. I don’t want to watch you be hurt. I don’t want to be hurt. And I can’t promise those things won’t happen. But if it does, I have you. I’ve never had someone I could turn to before, never had a friend who would stand by me. And that makes it all the better.”

 

She turned her face and grinned at Amiline. “And I mean, come on, we both have the dueling queen, here. Top marks in Defense, yeah? If anyone comes for us, our faithful bodyguard will gun them down!”

 

Cindy giggled, sniffling, and hugged her again, extending a hand to Amiline. Stephanie followed, and Amiline held both their hands a moment, before stepping forward and putting her arms around them. 

 

The door opened and Donna stepped in. The three girls tensed up and broke apart, staring at her as she stared back at them. Donna shifted from one foot to the other, clearing her throat. 

 

“Look,” she started. She stopped, took a deep breath, and then blurted out, “I don’t particularly like the lot of you, but I hate bullies more, and I think you should know that there are some people saying some fairly awful things now, but I’m not going to be one of them, and if you need someone jinxed just point and I’ll ask my older sister and she’ll make them wish they’d never been born because she won’t put up with bullies either.”

 

They stared at her and she turned red. “Just thought I should say,” she muttered.

 

Amiline stood up and walked over and held out her hand. Donna blinked and took it. Amiline gave it a firm shake. “Thanks. I’m sorry you still don’t like us, but if anyone gives you trouble, let us know, and we’ll...well, Stephanie can turn them colors and stick them to the ceiling, probably, and I can jinx pretty well. And Cindy can, um…”

 

“Poison them,” Cindy piped up. 

 

The other three stared at her in shock. Cindy colored up. “Well, only a little. Potions are easiest for me. And I’m not good at confrontations”

 

Donna’s mouth quirked. “Remind me not to piss off the quiet one. That’s one of the most Slytherin things I’ve heard come out of anyone.”

 

Cindy stood up and sketched a little bow. 

 

Stephanie took a deep breath. “And, um, thanks for warning us.”

 

Donna nodded, and then they all stood there for a moment staring at each other. “Right,” Donna said after a moment, clearing her throat. “Um, will you be using the room?”

 

All of them looked at Cindy, who blushed and licked her lips. “Um, no. We were going to go to dueling club.”

 

Amiline nodded slowly. “Only if you still want to.”

 

Cindy sighed, and smiled slightly. “Well, we can’t hide in here forever. Maybe they’ll stick to talking behind our backs, and that’ll be the end of it. Come on, let’s get changed.”

 

Donna flinched and turned her back as they went to their trunks. Stephanie froze. “Um...does it...I mean…”

 

“I don’t like seeing anyone without clothes, and I don’t like being seen without clothes,” Donna snapped without looking back. “It has nothing to do with you.”

 

Cindy stared at her curiously. “Wait, you don’t like boys or girls?”

 

“I’m eleven,” Donna said shortly. “I’m sure it will happen at some point.”

 

Stephanie stepped out of her robes and into a pair of jeans with red seams and red faux lace trimmings. They were her favorite of the new pairs she’d picked out, and she felt the need to be comfortable right now. “But...I mean, that wouldn’t be anything weird, though? If there are boys who like boys, and girls who like girls, and boys and girls who like both, and boys and girls who like each other, it stands to reason that there’d be some people who don’t like anything, right?”

 

Donna hunched her shoulders. “Just shut up.”

 

Stephanie winced. “Sorry, I only meant-”

 

“I know what you meant, and I don’t care. Just because I‘d stick up for you against bullies doesn’t mean I want to hear your opinions on all the things that are wrong with me. Just please finish getting dressed so I can study in peace.”

 

Stephanie winced again. She hated to think about how much hurt there must have been to make Donna this prickly. Or, she admitted to herself, as she pulled on a pastel green shirt, and sat down to do up her trainers, Donna could just be a git. But given all she’d heard so far, she was leaning more and more toward wondering whether Donna didn’t need friends in spite of herself.

 

She laced up her shoes, and glanced over at the other two, who were sitting down to do the same. “All clear.”

 

Donna glanced over her shoulder briefly, like she was expecting them to be naked and making out to get at her, and then turned around, face bright red. “Thank you. Excuse me.”

 

She fetched a book out of her trunk, and sat on her bed, pulling the curtains to. 

 

They stood up, and Cindy came over and took her hand. Stephanie gave it a squeeze. “Are you sure you want to…?”

 

Cindy nodded, but she was pale and obviously fighting the shakes. 

 

“We don’t have to,” Stephanie said softly. “I won’t be hurt or anything.”

 

Cindy swallowed. “I am not ashamed,” she whispered. Then she let go, only to entwine her arm in Stephanie’s and take her hand in a death grip. She clung to Stephanie’s side as they walked out of the room, Amiline bringing up the rear with her wand unobtrusively at the ready. 

 

The temperature in the common room dropped 15 degrees when they walked in, and Stephanie swallowed hard, tightening her grip on Cindy’s hand as the room fell silent in waves rippling out from them. Some people turned and stared at them openly with looks ranging from curiosity to neutrality to a few that seemed outright disgusted. Others simply turned away from them, pretending to be interested in books, or the tapestries, or their papers. Helena and Greg were nowhere in sight, to Stephanie’s disappointment, and she knew Donna’s older sister wouldn’t be there either as she would already be down at dueling club. 

 

She swallowed again and forced herself to walk across the room, leading Cindy who seemed to have forgotten how her feet worked, and nearly tripped twice despite staring determinedly at the floor. Amiline’s head was swinging back and forth, challenging everyone to do something, anything to justify a jinx. It was one of the longest walks of Stephanie’s life, and she blew out a breath of relief when they finally got out of the Slytherin Dungeon. As the door swung to behind her, her face flamed up as she heard a sudden buzz of conversation. Just before it closed, she caught the word “dyke” and twitched, hoping Cindy hadn’t heard it. 

 

She and Amiline got Cindy over to an alcove where she leaned on them, shaking from head to toe. She closed her eyes, taking deep breaths, and finally managed a smile. “That went better than I expected,” she said softly. 

 

Amiline stared at her. “What? What were you expecting?”

 

“No one called us filthy to our faces,” Cindy said.

 

“Or tried to trip us,” Stephanie put in.

 

“Or jinxed us, hexed us, or cursed us,” Cindy continued.

 

“Or spat on us, that’s always popular,” Stephanie said with a shudder.

 

“They didn’t even threaten us,” Cindy finished. “So, as hard as that’s going to be if they keep doing that, it’s not as bad as I expected.”

 

Amiline stared at them. “Those...you’ve had people do those things?”

 

They both nodded. “And I’ve been beat up,” Stephanie put in.

 

“Me too. But I wasn’t really worried about that, because they wouldn‘t try that in front of that many people.”

 

“Yeah. Can’t go down side halls alone, though.”

 

Cindy shuddered. “And I’m not showering alone anymore, either.”

 

Amiline made a shocked noise. “You...you both know some  _ terrible _ people. You don’t actually think you’ll get beat up, do you?”

 

Cindy and Stephanie looked at each other, and then nodded at the same time. “I mean, it’d probably be a lot worse with magic involved, but yeah. It’ll probably happen, or be attempted at least, at some point,” Cindy said softly. 

 

Amiline’s eye twitched. “Right, come with me.”

 

The two girls blinked and then hurried to follow as Amiline took off down the hall at a brisk pace. “Where-”

 

“We are going to talk to Professor Bassenthwaite. If anything happens to either of you, I want him to know it was not your fault.”

 

“No!” Cindy called out, grabbing her arm and pulling her to a halt. “No adults!”

 

Stephanie blinked at her. “Actually, he seems pretty nice-”

 

Cindy grabbed her arm as well. “No adults. We get the teachers involved, we are sure to get beaten. As in, we will be beaten within a week.”

 

Amiline sputtered, but Stephanie winced. “Well, yeah, but it’s not like anything’s happened yet. We’d just be...getting ahead of it. It’s not like we’re telling on anyone yet.”

 

Cindy shivered. “Steph, I know you’re excited about being here, and I know all our teachers have been wonderful, but let me be the first to assure you that I have tried exactly this and it’s gone exactly as well as you’d expect. No adults. We keep our heads down, we don’t poke the bullies, and we don’t go anywhere alone. That’s what works for me. That’s all that’s worked for me.”

 

Stephanie gulped. “I know. That’s what I’ve done too. But maybe this time will be different? He didn’t say anything about me being different.”

 

Cindy shook her head. “What’s he going to  _ do _ , though? He can’t post guards. Worse, he might make an announcement, or something, and then the bullies would just know for sure that something’s up. Nothing’s happened, and nothing might continue to happen. Getting adults involved is like declaring war, and I’m not willing to do that unless I have to. Hopefully, it will just stay where it is, with dirty looks and talking behind our backs.”

 

Amiline tapped her foot slowly, arms crossed. Then she shook her head. “No.” Cindy started to protest, and Amiline talked right over her. “I understand...well, alright I don’t. You’ve both been beaten up before, you’ve both had awful things happen, and I  _ know _ you’ve tried talking to adults before, and I  _ know _ he can’t just wave his wand and make the bullies not attack you if they’ve a mind to. But it has to be tried. If something happens and we haven’t at least tried it, I’ll feel sick. Maybe he can help, maybe he can, I don’t know, let the prefects know to keep an eye out, maybe he’ll approve extra lessons so you two can practice protecting yourselves, but he has to be told that there’s a problem coming.”

 

Cindy sagged. “You really don’t understand how bad this will make things.”

 

Stephanie reached out and pulled her into a hug. “Maybe. And if it does, we know not to do it again. Look, let’s go to Dueling Club for now,” Amiline opened her mouth and Stephanie went right on, “and see if it’s everyone or just our own house. Then we can go talk to Professor Bassenthwaite after we’ve calmed down a bit.”

 

Cindy squirmed. “You think we should, too, don’t you.”

 

Stephanie shrugged. “This has been the most accepting place I’ve ever been. I know you’ve had a bad time of it, and I know what it’s like, but I can’t believe that the teachers will be as bad here as the ones I’ve had. I want to believe that they can help. Maybe they can’t, but...I want to at least give them a try?”

 

Cindy sighed. “Alright. Alright, let’s just...get it over with, then.”

 

Stephanie hugged her tightly. “Thanks. And if it all goes sideways, I’ll be right there with you, ok?”

 

Amiline reached out and gripped her shoulder. “And if I’m wrong, I’ll be the first one to start flinging jinxes and hexes and keeping an eye on things to make sure nothing happens to you.”

 

Cindy took a deep breath and forced a smile. “Yeah.”

 

They walked through the dungeons in silence, Cindy and Stephanie holding hands, Amiline still with her wand out. They came to Professor Bassenthwaite’s office, and Amiline stepped forward and knocked on the door.

 

“Come in!”

 

The pushed open the door and slipped inside. There were bottles and cauldrons everywhere, the paraphernalia and detritus of a Potion Master’s office. There was a small desk, and sitting behind it, elbow deep in papers, was the professor. He cocked an eyebrow at them and sighed. “More roommate problems, ladies?”

 

“No,” Stephanie started, and then the words stuck in her throat. She tightened her grip on Cindy’s hand, suddenly unsure of everything. She’d come out to Professor Longbottom without meaning to, and to Donna and Professor Bassenthwaite in a fit of anger. Coming out again was suddenly...well, bloody terrifying. 

 

Amiline stepped forward. “They, um...look, it’s…”

 

“I’m gay.” 

 

All eyes went to Cindy, who was staring at the floor.

 

Cindy went on softly. “And Stephanie and I fancy each other. Only, we’ve been seen kissing, and now we’re worried we’re going to be beat up.”

 

Professor Bassenthwaite sat back in his chair. “Oh. Have you been threatened?”

 

Stephanie’s heart dropped. “Well, no,” she admitted. 

 

He blew out a breath. “Well, that’s something at least. But there’s been some unpleasant reactions, then?”

 

The three girls stared at him, startled. Cindy and Stephanie nodded reflexively.

 

He gave them a wry smile. “I can’t say I’m surprised. Slytherin has come a long way, but there’s still a bit of elitism and old fashioned crap hanging about. Now, I’d like to think I’ve chosen my prefects well, at least, so if there’s even the hint that you think someone wants to hurt you, you go right to them, understand?”

 

Cindy sank in on herself, but nodded along with the other two. Professor Bassenthwaite caught it, and gave her a sympathetic look. “I take it this has been a problem before?”

 

“Yes,” she whispered. 

 

“I’m sorry to hear that. I’ll not lie and say that we can keep bad things from happening entirely, but,” he reached into his desk drawer, “the headmistress got an idea from one of our former students, and so I can offer you these.”

 

He held out three little disks, dull bronze in color. “The prefects, the head boy and girl, and all the professors and staff carry them. You have only to say ‘bully’ while holding or touching it, and all of ours light up and buzz while telling us where in the castle you are. It’s not perfect, but…”

 

Stephanie reached out and took one, followed by Cindy. Amiline shrugged. “Thanks, but I’m not the one who has to worry.”

 

Professor Bassenthwaite blinked, and then gently said, “Ms. Hardesty, I happen to know you’ve got excellent marks in Defense, and that you’re on track to be top of the class in it. It’s entirely possible that, even if you aren’t bullied simply for hanging out with Ms. Mallow and Ms. Halstrom, you might be targeted to get you out of the way if someone means them harm.”

 

Amiline gaped at him. “I...I didn’t think of that,” she admitted. She took one of the disks, looking a little shaken. 

 

“Now, Ms. Mallow, Ms. Halstrom, I believe you’ve both been bullied in the past?”

 

They nodded. 

 

“I want to be very clear: we do  _ not _ tolerate bullying for any reason. You can bring anything to me or the prefects, and something will be done. We’d prefer to have you shout for help and get clear of a bad situation, but if you absolutely must defend yourselves, do it and sort it out later, got it?”

 

They nodded again. Cindy looked slightly stunned. 

 

He sighed. “With that said, would I be correct in guessing that in your past experiences, calling for help made things worse?” 

 

Cindy and Stephanie looked at the floor and nodded once more. 

 

He leaned on his desk. “I can’t make you come to us. I can’t make you trust that we’ll do our best to help. And I can’t promise that a bully punished won’t try and retaliate. But please, please, don’t try and go it alone. I don’t want students hurt any more than you want to be hurt. Please be careful, and be safe. And please, don’t think that it’s ok for others to be cruel to you because it’s not physically hurting you.  _ Come to us _ . Talk to me, talk to the prefects, talk to Madams Hinze and Pomfrey. Use the coins. I can’t promise we’ll always be able to put a stop to it, but we owe it to you to try. Understood?”

 

They all nodded again. 

 

“Alright,” he said. He ran a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry I can’t offer you more. Thank you for coming to me first with this. Now, is there anything else I can do for you?”

 

They shook their heads. 

 

“Ok. Be safe, and again, don’t hesitate to come talk to me about anything.”

 

“Thanks,” Stephanie said softly. They slipped out the door. 

 

Amiline blew out a breath. “Right. So. We’ve got alarms, and we’re pretty sure we can trust the prefects.”

 

Cindy grinned slightly, turning the coin over in her hands. “It’s better than I was expecting,” she admitted. 

 

Stephanie slipped hers into her pocket and then reached out and touched Cindy on the arm. “You still want to go to dueling club?”

 

Cindy nodded. “Might as well,” she said, glancing down at Stephanie’s watch. “It’s only just starting, and I’m not particularly keen to run the gauntlet again so soon.”

 

Amiline grinned. “And maybe you can get some more pointers from Professor Abbott so if I get taken down, you’ll have a fighting chance.”

 

Stephanie rolled her eyes. “Nah, I’ll just turn them all purple so they can’t hide.”

 

Cindy shrugged. “I’m, um, pretty sure I’ll just have a shaking fit, actually.”

 

Stephanie hugged her. “Just use the coin, then.”

 

Cindy nodded. “I’ll just have to try and remember it.”

 

They set off for Dueling Club on that note, a little subdued, but Amiline laughed and joked the whole way, trying to lift their spirits. It mostly worked, and by the time they walked into the classroom set aside for the club’s use, they almost forgot to keep an eye out for other student’s reactions. 

 

Stephanie heard a sharp cough to her left and promptly tripped over her own feet, falling flat on her face and taking Cindy down with her. She scrambled up into a seated position, head ringing from the knock on the floor, and looked over to find two boys in Gryffindor red and gold grinning at her. 

 

“Looks like they’re confused about how to walk, too,” one of them said. 

 

Stephanie ignored them, and helped Cindy up. “You alright?”

 

Cindy swallowed and nodded. 

 

“Aww, look, think they’re going to kiss each other better?”

 

“What the blazes is the matter with you?” Came a sharp voice. A voice Stephanie recognized, actually. 

 

She looked up to find George Hearst, the boy they’d met on the train, bearing down on the older two boys with another familiar face in tow. Richard, the boy from the Purple League, but this time with a prefect’s badge on.

 

“Oh, lookit, the first year’s brought a prefect,” one of the boys said with a laugh.

 

“She likes girls, you little git, so it’s not like you’re going to impress her into being your girlfriend,” the other boy said with a sneer at George.

 

George slowed, turning red, and Richard stepped forward around him. “Now I happen to have seen you Confund the young lady. You can apologize, leave, and only get one detention, or you can lie and we’ll get Professor Abbott over here to check your wand and see what she has to say about the remarks you’re making.”

 

The boy glared at him. “What do you care, she’s a bloody Slytherin!”

 

Richard nodded. “You’re up to two detentions now,” he informed the boy coldly. 

 

The boy glared and turned to look at Stephanie “Sorry,” he spat.

 

Cindy shivered next to Stephanie as they stood up, not looking at the boys. 

 

Richard nodded. “Now you’re going to leave. And, because the rules of Dueling Club clearly state that you are not to attack other students, you’ve got a two month ban.” The boy opened his mouth, and Richard cut him off. “I can keep adding detentions until you leave. Oh, and if I hear any more nastiness out of you mouth toward the young ladies, I will personally see to it that you live in detention every weekend until you learn manners.”

 

The boy’s mouth snapped shut and he turned on his heel and stalked out past Stephanie and Cindy. His companion quailed under Richard’s gaze, and started to turn and follow. 

 

“Forsythe,” Richard said calmly. 

 

The boy froze. 

 

“Just to be clear, you’ve also got a detention coming, and I believe you also owe the ladies an apology.”

 

The boy swallowed. “Sorry,” he said softly.

 

“Good. Now, out.”

 

Forsythe hesitated. “Um, am I banned?”

 

“You will be if I see your face anytime in the next hour.”

 

Forsythe blanched and beat a hasty retreat. 

 

Richard watched him go, and then nodded slightly. He walked over to them, face softening. “You alright? That was a nasty spill.”

 

Stephanie nodded, and then looked at Cindy. The smaller girl was shaking again, and she looked pale. Cindy licked her lips and whispered, “Thanks, I guess.”

 

Richard winced. “Look, it’s...I couldn’t just let them.”

 

“I know,” Cindy said quietly. 

 

He knelt down and fished in his pocket, coming up with one of the bully coins. “If you talk to a professor, you can get one of these. It’s-”

 

Stephanie reached in her pocket and produced hers. “We’ve got them.”

 

Richard nodded. “Right, that’s good, at least.”

 

Cindy smiled tiredly, her shaking settling down. “For all the good they did us.”

 

“Don’t write them off just yet,” Richard said quietly. “They’ve saved my arse a few times.”

 

They stayed quiet and he stood up with a little sigh. “Sorry, I know it’s worrisome. Anything else I can do? Do you need a visit to Madam Pomfrey?”

 

They shook their heads, although in truth Stephanie’s was aching a bit. He cocked an eyebrow at them, but nodded. “Right. Well, let me know when you’re ready to leave, one of our club leaders is a Slytherin and she’ll see you safely back, ok?”

 

“Thanks,” Amiline said, giving him a thumbs up. 

 

He gave them one last lingering look, and then turned away and went back to supervising a duel. 

 

George walked up to them, still red in the face. “Gits,” he said flatly. “Can’t believe they’re Gryffindors, acting that way. You alright?”

 

Stephanie nodded, and looked at Cindy. Cindy shrugged not looking up from the floor. 

 

George grinned. “Come on, Sunshine.”

 

Cindy’s lips quirked and she looked up at him. “You’re not seriously going to call me that?”

 

“Well, you’re not seriously going to let a couple of idiots get you down?”

 

Cindy’s face fell. “Yeah, well, they’re just the start of things.”

 

George frowned. “Really?”

 

“Usually. It escalated a lot faster than I expected, but yeah.”

 

George growled something under his breath and shook his head. “Look, um, if you need anything-”

 

Cindy laughed softly. “People not beating us up for liking girls would be nice. Got that in your pocket?”

 

George floundered for a moment, and Stephanie winced. “Cindy…”

 

Cindy held up her hands. “Sorry. You didn’t do anything. I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

 

George shrugged. “I’d be upset too, I guess. Look, you wanna watch some duels?”

 

Cindy nodded. “Yeah.”

 

They walked over to sit on a bench facing the dueling strips, Amiline and Stephanie on either side of Cindy, who held Stephanie’s hand tightly. George sat down next to Amiline, and they watched a couple of duels in silence. 

 

Amiline started to narrate the duels, working to cheer up the other two, with George pitching in here and there, until suddenly the two found themselves in a heated debate over techniques, attacks, defenses and what not. Stephanie and Cindy found themselves staring at the two, grinning. 

 

“Ahem.”

 

They all looked up to find Hilda Greengrass with her arms crossed, tapping her foot. “Must you shout at each other?”

 

George blinked. “We weren’t shouting.”

 

“All right, not shouting exactly, but everyone in this room can hear you, and let me tell you, a few of the duelists are having a bit of a hard time focusing with a running commentary.”

 

Amiline grinned. “Well, maybe they should take it as extra training?”

 

Hilda rolled her eyes. “Yeah, sure. All right, the both of you onto strip three.”

 

They both froze. “Uh, I thought first years weren’t allowed to duel?” Amiline said. 

 

Hilda turned. “Professor Abbott?”

 

The blond woman looked across the room. “What?”

 

“Permission to make the color commentary put their wands where their mouths are?”

 

Professor Abbott grinned. “Oh, why not. But keep it clean, Ms. Hardesty, Mr. Hearst. I’m sure the both of you have studied ahead, but let’s keep it to things we’ve learned in class, shall we?”

 

Amiline jumped up, wand out and a huge grin on her face. “Coming?”

 

George eyed her. “Look, I’m sure you’re good, but...I mean, I don’t…”

 

Amiline rolled her eyes. “If you’re worried about hurting a girl, feel free to just stand there while I jinx you into a puddle on the floor.”

 

George stiffened and stalked over to his place at one end of the dueling strip without another word. Amiline winked at Stephanie and Cindy, who followed her over to her spot. Hilda waved at them, beckoning them over to stand next to her. “No standing in the line of fire. Alright duelists, you ready?”

 

Amiline nodded and took her stance, one arm out, the other cocked back, while George extended his wand and tucked his hand behind his back in a fencing stance. 

 

“Ready. Steady. Go!”

 

At once, both shouted, “ _ Expelliarmus! _ ” and snapped their wands at each other. Both jumped and juggled their wands as they flew out of their hands, Amiline catching hers, George just missing his. Amiline jerked her wand up, pointing it at the ceiling as George froze. He grinned and picked it up, reassuming his stance. 

 

Hilda smiled. “Point to the lady for sportsmanship. Ready, steady, go!”

 

Amiline snapped out a jinx, and George shouted “ _ Protego _ ,” flicking it aside, then threw a jinx of his own, which Amiline deflected in similar fashion. They paused, staring at each other, and then grinned at the same time. Immediately the air lit up between them as they alternated jinxes and deflections, faster and faster until the air was a blur. They walked closer and closer to each other, step by step, until they were a bare six feet apart, wands flaring, faces masks of concentration. 

 

The duels around them faltered, and the crowd around them grew as they shouted jinx after jinx. Stephanie and Cindy stared in shock, faces shimmering in the light of the jinxes. They’d known Amiline was good, but watching her blast jinx after jinx, wand barely flicking to knock aside the jinxes flying her way, was stunning. The duel went on and on, sweat pouring down their faces, each of them seeking an opening. Suddenly, Amiline sidestepped a jinx rather than deflecting it, shouting “ _ Petrificus totalus!” _

 

George, caught off rhythm, stumbled and then let out a yelp as the jinx connected, spinning him around. Hilda shot forward and caught him as he fell, Amiline snapping her wand up, panting. Hilda performed the counterjinx and George sagged and sank to the ground, blowing out deep breaths. 

 

Cheers erupted around them, mixed in with a few boos from Gryffindors who were displeased at seeing their champion felled. George rose to his feet and walked over to shake Amiline’s hand. 

 

“You,” he said with a grin, “are fantastic.”

 

Amiline grinned back. “You’re pretty good yourself! Just got caught up in the pattern, is all.”

 

George’s grin turned rueful. “Yeah. I’ll have to watch that.”

 

“Come on, let’s get sat down.”

 

The crowd broke up as they stepped off the strip, only for quite a few first years to swamp Professor Abbott, clamoring for permission to try their own hands. The professor sighed. “Alright, alright! Club officers, we’re apparently doing first year night early this year.”

 

Cheers went up and the first years crowded around the spare dueling strips as Amiline and George sank down on the benches next to Stephanie and Cindy. “You should try it,” Amiline said softly.

 

Stephanie grinned. “I’m no good at it.”

 

Cindy shook her head. “I’d freeze up with people watching.”

 

George coughed. “Might not be a bad idea to learn. I mean, if you’re expecting people to try and hurt you…”

 

Stephanie winced. “I plan to run if that happens.”

 

“Me too,” Cindy said fervently. 

 

George shrugged. “Ok. I still think you should give it a go.”

 

“As do I,” came a voice behind them.

 

They looked around to find Professor Abbott standing behind them. She smiled down at them gently. “Richard told me that you might have some troubles.”

 

Cindy twitched, and Stephanie gave her hand a squeeze. “We’ll be ok.”

 

Professor Abbott sighed. “Well, I can’t force you to participate. But if you change your minds, just let me know. Or let Hilda or Richard know, they’ll both be more than happy to help you get things sorted.”

 

They nodded and she gave them one last look, before walking off to supervise a pair of first years that kept dropping their wands when they tried cast jinxes. 

 

They watched the duels for a little bit longer, content to hold each other’s hands and pretend that the looks being directed their way were for George and Amline, who’d gone back to arguing about dueling technique, although a little quieter this time. After watching a few, Cindy leaned into Stephanie. “Are you ready to go?”

 

Stephanie smiled. “Yeah, the staring’s getting a bit old for me too. Amiline?”

 

Amiline glanced around, noting the looks as well, and nodded. “Thanks for putting up with me for this long. George, it was nice to meet you.”

 

George grinned and shook her hand. “Pleasure was all mine. Do you want another wand for the walk back?”

 

Amiline smiled. “I think we have enough problems without showing a Gryffindor where the Slytherin common room is.”

 

“Point,” he conceded. 

 

Stephanie and Amiline took up their positions on either side of Cindy as they stood. They started for the door only to pause as Hilda called out, “Hold up!”

 

She caught up to them with a grin. “Sorry, had to pass it off to another officer. Are we heading to the common room, then?”

 

Cindy coughed. “You don’t, um, have to-”

 

“Bollocks. Slytherins stick together.”

 

Stephanie smiled. “Thanks. Sorry to pull you away from your club.”

 

Hilda shrugged. “Dueling Club’s not more important than making sure students are safe.” She waggled her wand with a grin. “Besides, there’s a few jinxes I’ve been looking to try. Professor Abbott won’t let me use them here, so...let’s just say that while I hope nothing happens for your sakes, I wouldn’t feel too terribly bad about seeing a bunch of bullies writhing on the ground wondering what day it is.”

 

“I heard that!” Professor Abbott shouted from across the room. 

 

Hilda winced, and loudly said, “But nothing’s going to happen, so it won’t come to that.” She turned and gave the professor a winning smile.

 

Abbott cocked an eyebrow. “Two words, Ms. Greengrass: excessive force.”

 

Hilda sagged. “Yes, professor.” She turned back to them with a rueful smile. “Well, now that I’ve given up plausible deniability, let’s get going.”

 

As they walked out, Hilda muttered, “Swear she can hear through walls sometimes.”

 

The walk back to the common room was quiet and tense. After the incident at Dueling Club, both Stephanie and Cindy were on edge, waiting for another escalation. Hilda and Amiline walked one to either side of them, wands at the ready, and Stephanie’s hand was in her pocket, holding the bully coin in a death grip. Her other hand was entwined with Cindy’s. 

 

Cindy, however, was obviously making an attempt to push down her fear and unease. She walked with her head up, her jaw set, eyes on the middle distance. But the hand gripping Stephanie’s was a little clammy, and she was shaking slightly. 

 

Their tension grew as they entered the dungeons, with all the blind corners, alcoves, and shadows, perfect territory for an ambush. Deep down, they all knew that at any one of several points, if more than two students were waiting to jump them, it wouldn’t matter that Hilda and Amiline were with them. They’d hit the ground without getting a spell off. As they approached each of those junctures, Stephanie felt the coin digging into her palm as she gripped it tighter, the word “bully” on the tip of her tongue. 

 

They scrunched together when they came to the door to the common room. For a few beats, they stared at it, and then Amiline broke the silence. “Ok, stand over there,” she said pointing at the wall next to the door. 

 

Stephanie nodded and pulled Cindy over out of line of sight of the door. 

 

Hilda blinked at Amiline. “You think our own house would ambush us? In the freaking common room?”

 

Amiline grinned, looking a little pale. “You don’t?”

 

The older girl hesitated. “Maybe you should get behind me too.”

 

Amiline shook her head. “No, I’ll go in first. If they’re going to try anything, they’d want to get me out of the way. If they’re spelling me, it’ll give you a second to see where they are and start jinxing.”

 

Stephanie blinked. “Amiline...no. If we’re doing bait, it should be me.”

 

“Or me,” Cindy managed a rough whisper. 

 

Amiline looked a little green as she shook her head again. “No. I’m the only one who has a good chance of protecting myself, and can work as bait. Besides, if I wanted to take us out, I’d wait until I knew where I was. If you go in, and I come in behind you, they might wait until they can get a clear line on me. Then you’re in front and I can’t protect you. And this way, we’ll know for sure whether or not I’m a target.” She smiled, forcing cheer into it. “Win-win.”

 

Stephanie started to object again, when the door opened. Stephanie jerked her coin out of her pocket and got briefly tangled as both she and Cindy tried to shield each other. Amiline and Hilda stepped away from each other as though choreographed, two long steps that put them in a crossfire on the door, wands up, Amiline in her ready combat position, Hilda with her wand low at her hip, her other hand out at her side to counterbalance, turned sideways and presenting a small profile. 

 

Needless to say, the first year boy walking out the door got a bit of a shock. He let out a squeak and fumbled the books he was carrying, dropping one. 

 

They all stood there for a moment, the boy’s eyes jerking back and forth as he tried to watch both wands at once. “Um...hi?”

 

Amiline and Hilda both exhaled at the same time, jerking their wands up to point at the ceiling. “Sorry,” Hilda said, relaxing out of her stance. “We’re a little tense.”

 

“No problem,” the boy said, still squeaking. He licked his lips. “I’m, uh, just going to pick up my book, ok?”

 

Amiline grinned and relaxed as well. She leaned down and grabbed his book, holding it out to him. “Sorry, mate. Here.”

 

He accepted the book gingerly, and scooted out between them. He took a few careful steps down the hall, and then set off at a brisk pace, glancing over his shoulder several times before rounding the corner. 

 

Amiline sagged against the door lintel. “Paranoid. I’ve become paranoid.”

 

Hilda laughed breathily, rolling her neck and shoulders. “I was right there with you. Come on.”

 

The common room was not, in fact, an ambush. There was a scattering of students around, and a total lack of jinxes burning through the air. The girls walked to the dorm, shoulders dropping as the students in the room gave them a few cursory glances, and at least one lingering glare, but nothing more than that. 

 

Hilda walked them to their door, stepping in front of them as they came to it. “Paranoid, maybe, but better safe than sorry.”

 

She opened the door a bit and leaned in a little, looking cautiously. She let out a shocked sound and shot into the room, calling “Stay back!”

 

Amiline jumped in front of them, wand snapping up, only to fumble it as her brain processed what she was seeing. The three girls stared, mouths hanging open. The bullies, displaying the twisted logic of bullies everywhere, had lashed out at the one person none of them had thought needed protection. 

 

Donna lay in the middle of the room, caught in a Full Body Bind. She’d been stripped to her underwear, and the other girls’ underthings were strewn over her. And written on every bit of exposed flesh were the words, “dyke lover.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A late Christmas present for you, boys, girls, and pals. Stephanie & Co are back in action. I'll try not to go that long without updating again. It's a little shorter than previous chapters, but it hit a natural stopping point, and given that previous chapters averaged 13k, i think i can be forgiven a 10k chapter.
> 
> Read and enjoy!

The three girls rushed into the room, dropping to their knees to pull their unders off of Donna. Cindy pulled a pair of Stephanie’s ruffled panties off Donna’s face, soaked with tears. There were streaks down the sides of her face running through more iterations of the words “dyke lover” and her face was red with humiliation, eyes staring. Hilda was fighting her shaking hands, fumbling her wand as she struggled to find the wherewithal to perform the counter jinx. 

  


“Donna-” Stephanie breathed, voice horrified, “I...none of us thought-”

  


“Oh, crap,” Amiline breathed, freezing. She grabbed the other two and started pulling them away.

  


Stephanie tried to shrug her off. “Am-”

  


“She doesn’t like being looked at, remember?” Amiline bit out desperately, averting her eyes as she tried to get the others moving.

  


Stephanie’s eyes widened and she shot to her feet just behind Cindy, who threw herself back and away, covering her eyes. They hurriedly got their backs to Donna, and Amiline sidewalked over to her trunk, grabbing a robe off the pile atop it. She walked backwards awkwardly, holding the robe out behind her, watching the floor to be sure she didn’t trip over Donna. 

  


Hilda finally managed to cast the counter jinx on the third try. A soft, whispered scream sounded out, broken off by a heaving sob. Then silence, as the girls fidgeted helplessly. 

  


“Thank you for looking away.” Donna’s voice was hoarse, and eerily calm.

  


“She’s covered,” Hilda said, voice rough.

  


They turned around and walked toward Donna hesitantly. She was curled up in a ball, knees to her chest, arms wrapped around them. Amiline’s robe was thrown around her shoulders and her head was on her knees as she shook all over. 

  


“Donna, I...we...I mean we didn’t think…everyone knows how you feel…” Amiline balked, struggling to come up with words that wouldn’t make things worse.

  


Donna shivered and sat up, wiping her eyes and sniffing. “The best part about all this,” she said in a casual monotone, “is that now I’m stuck with you. Even if I wanted to give in to bullying, which I absolutely will not, no one will switch with me after this. I’ll be lucky if anyone will even want to be my friend. My stupid,  _ stupid _ pride means that now I’m a bloody target, and it’s too late to run.”

  


Hilda reached out to hug her, whispering, “Oh, honey-”

  


“Don’t touch me!” Donna yelped, flinching back. Hilda froze as Donna shivered, closing her eyes. “Please. Don’t touch me right now.” She swallowed and ran her hands over her arms. “I can still feel them. Touching me. Don’t. Please.”

  


Hilda’s face transitioned through shock to horror to rage as she pulled her hands back. “Who. Who was it. I’ll fucking kill them, and Professor McGonagall can expel me after, but I will destroy them. Just tell me who it was.”

  


Donna grinned humorlessly. “I don’t know. I had the curtains closed. They came in and I thought it was just you lot, and then I was locked up. They covered my eyes the entire time, and the only thing they said was ‘bloody dyke lover.’ I...I’m not even sure I could pick out their voices, I was screaming the whole time, and no one could hear me no matter how hard I screamed-” her voice started to rise in hysteria and she clamped her mouth shut around it, suffering through a shaking fit. 

  


Stephanie stared at her, tears running down her face. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

  


Cindy was breathing through her nose, arms wrapped around her stomach, and she looked green. Donna opened her eyes at the sound of her harsh breathing and looked at her sideways. “Please, don’t feel you’re going to hurt me if you need to go throw up. I plan to spend the next few hours doing exactly that, as soon as I can move.”

  


Cindy shot to her feet and rushed out of the room. Stephanie jerked and started after her, pausing to give Donna a helpless look. 

  


“Go,” Hilda whispered. “You too, Amiline. Don’t leave her alone.”

  


The other two went after Cindy, catching up to her as she raced through the common room. She slammed into the girl’s bathroom and made it to a stall, dropping to her knees in front of a toilet. She retched several times in rapid succession, bringing up what was left of her lunch as Stephanie knelt behind her, putting her arms around her girlfriend. 

  


When it was down to dry heaving and shaking, Cindy collapsed back into Stephanie’s arms, tears running down her face. “They took off her clothes,” she whispered. “And they touched her. Merlin, she’s...I can’t think of a worse way to hurt her and I barely know her.” 

  


Amiline reached forward to put a shaking hand on Cindy’s shoulder. “We’ll make it right. I don’t care if Donna spits acid at us, we’re not leaving her alone. Bloody truce can sod right off, she needs friends even if she doesn’t want them.”

  


Stephanie nodded. “Even if she makes us miserable.”

  


Cindy shook her head. “You don’t get it. We’re screwed. I’ve been beaten up, I’ve been ignored, I’ve been spit on, made fun of, taunted, invited in and rejected to make a point, and that’s the absolute most evil thing I’ve ever seen. These bullies aren’t...they’re out for blood. If they did that to  _ Donna, _ what in Merlin’s name will they do to  _ us _ ?”

  


Stephanie and Amiline went still as little movies played out in their heads, showing them a future none of them wanted any part of. “Oh, god,” Stephanie whispered. 

  


“Nothing,” Amiline said, voice hard. “They won’t do anything to us. Because now we know. And I will get those...those  _ bitches _ if I have to tear this school apart to do it.”

  


Stephanie shook her head, struggling to clear it of nasty images. “Yeah,” she whispered, voice hopeless. “Everything will be alright.”

  


Cindy snorted. 

  


“Come on,” Stephanie said. “We need to get back to Donna. We have to call…” her voice trailed off and her hand shot into her pocket. “Bully,” she whispered, clutching her coin. 

  


Cindy stared at her, and then she nodded. At nearly the same time, she and Amiline reached into their own pockets and repeated her gesture. Silently, they got to their feet and trooped back through the common room to their dorm, avoiding the eyes of everyone there, even as Stephanie wondered if one of these girls was the one who could do something like this. A girl that wanted to hurt her. 

  


Donna was still sitting on the floor where they’d left her. Her shaking seemed to have calmed down a little, but there were fresh tear tracks on her cheeks. 

  


“We called the professors,” Amiline said softly. 

  


Donna’s head shot up, her face panicky. “You  _ what _ ?”

  


“We had to,” Stephanie said, swallowing. “They need to know-”

  


“Of bloody course they do!” Donna shouted. “But I’m in my bloody unders with bloody curse words written all over me! I need…” she began hyperventilating. “Need to get...dressed...help me...can’t see me...don’t touch me!” she yelped as Hilda reached for her. She scooted backward toward her bed, rolling over to crawl while trying to hold the robe around her. 

  


Amiline stepped forward, kneeling beside her. “Donna, they have to. They have to see-”

  


“No!” Donna’s voice had a tinge of hysteria to it. She got caught up in the robe and fell over on her side, curling up under it and pulling it tightly around her. She lay there shaking, tears pouring from her eyes. ‘No,” she whispered. “I don’t want...anyone else...to see me. Not...again...I can’t.”

  


The others stood helplessly, when the door banged open. 

  


“No!” they all shouted at once, moving to screen Donna. 

  


Professor Bassenthwaite stumbled to a halt, both female prefects hard on his heels. “What-”

  


“Get Madam Hinze or Madam Pomfrey,” Hilda snapped, holding her robes out to hide Donna who was making little terrified noises.

  


“If someone’s hurt-”

  


“She’s not hurt that way,” Stephanie said hurriedly, “but if you look at her right now it’ll make things worse. I’m sorry, I should have got Madam Hinze instead of just calling on the alarms, but I wasn’t thinking-”

  


Professor Bassenthwaite stared at her for a long moment, and then turned to one of the prefects. “Go, now. Hurry.” He backed out of the room, pushing the other prefect out as well. “Can someone explain, or do I need to close the door and wait?”

  


Stephanie stepped out the door and pulled it to, closing it on the sounds of Donna starting to have a breakdown. “It’s Donna.”

  


Professor Bassenthwaite twitched. “Oh, Merlin. What happened?”

  


Stephanie told him, pausing now and again to fight down her own rising panic and nausea at the thought that it could be Cindy or Amiline in there right now. 

  


By the time she finished, Professor Bassenthwaite had gone utterly still. Then he turned to the other prefect. “Ms. Prothergill, I want every female Slytherin in the Great Hall and I want it right now. Send Overby to get the headmistress. I want every wand accounted for and confiscated. If any of them tries to cast so much as a Levitating Charm, you will disarm them. Am I clear?”

  


Prothergill looked startled. “Professor-”

  


“ _ Now,  _ Ms. Prothergill.”

  


“Yes, Professor.” She turned and went, opening doors and rushing into the dorms, wand out.

  
  


As Stephanie watched the mass exodus, both Madams Pomfrey and Hinze came hurrying around the corner. She sagged slightly, deeply relieved to see them. 

  


“What’s going on?” Madam Pomfrey called, her voice worried.

  


“Donna’s been attacked,” Stephanie blurted out. “They took her clothes off and wrote ‘dyke lover’ all over her. She’s having fits and-”

  


“Donna?” Madam Hinze asked, paling. “Ms. Greengrass?”

  


Stephanie nodded.

  


“Shit,” Madam Hinze whispered.

  


Madam Pomfrey looked at her with concern. “One of yours?”

  


“Not in the way you’re thinking, but worse in many ways. I need the room clear.”

  


Stephanie nodded. She opened the door a crack and called into the room, “Madam Hinze is here. Everyone out.”

  


Amiline and Cindy filed out a moment later, and Stephanie looked at Madam Hinze. “Her sister is in there…”

  


Madam Hinze nodded and stepped up to the door. “Hilda, is it? I know this is hard, but I need you to come away.”

  


“No! I’m not leaving her like-”

  


“S’ok,” Donna whispered, cutting her off. “Trust her.”

  


There was silence for a few moments, and then Hilda stepped out the door, holding it close to her to keep anyone from seeing into the room. She was shaking and she looked at Madam Hinze with steel and murder in her eyes. “If you make this worse, I will-”

  


“Ms. Greengrass,” Professor Bassenthwaite interrupted quietly.

  


Hilda glared at him for a second, and then stepped aside, closing her eyes and breathing through her nose. “Sorry.”

  


Madam Hinze touched her shoulder gently. “It’s fine. I’m going to want to talk to you too, later.” She squared her shoulders and gently opened the door a little wider. “Donna, it’s Madam Hinze. Is it ok if I come in?”

“Yeah,” Donna whispered.

  


“Ok, I’m coming in. I’m alone, but Madam Pomfrey is outside here if we need her, is that alright?”

  


“Yeah.”

  


Madam Hinze took a deep breath and stepped in, closing the door behind her. 

  


Professor Bassenthwaite stared at the door without seeing it for a long few moments, and then shook himself. “Ms. Hardesty, Ms. Mallow, Ms. Halstrom, Ms. Greengrass. Kindly come with me to the Great Hall.”

  


Hilda jerked as though slapped. “Professor-”

  


Madam Pomfrey put a hand on her shoulder. “I’ll send for you, dear, as soon as she’s stable.”

  


Hilda stood for a second, trembling, and Stephanie wasn’t entirely sure whether she was going to lash out again or not. She reached out and put a hand on Hilda’s arm. “Madam Hinze is the best at this stuff. She can help Donna, I swear.”

  


Hilda glared at Stephanie for a second, mouth opening. Then she sighed, sagging in on herself. “I know. I just...I wish I could help.”

  


Professor Bassenthwaite winced. “I know. And I’m sorry. But until Madams Hinze and Pomfrey can get Donna to the infirmary, I think it best if you stay with us. The moment they send for you, I’ll take you there myself. You have my word, Ms. Greengrass.”

  


She nodded and dashed a hand across her eyes. “Alright.”

  


He led the way and without discussing it, the three younger girls fell in around her, Stephanie and Cindy to her right and left, Amiline behind her while Professor Bassenthwaite walked ahead. They came to the Great Hall to find Professor McGonagall standing outside, her face a mask. She held up a hand and they stopped in front of her. “Prothergill has told me a truly disturbing story, Tristram. How much of it is true?”

  


Professor Bassenthwaite ran a hand over his face. “If she told you that a first year was brutally assaulted, stripped, and covered in curse words, then all of it.”

  


Professor McGonagall’s eye twitched. She looked past him at Hilda. “Your sister, Ms. Greengrass?”

  


Hilda nodded. 

  


“I am deeply sorry. Your parents will be contacted directly. In the meantime,” the professor swallowed and held out her hand, her voice dipping into brogue, “I must ask for your wand, Ms. Greengrass.”

  


Hilda stared at her uncomprehendingly. “What? But...Professor! I would never! She’s my  _ sister _ ! How could you think that I-”

  


“I don’t,” Professor McGonagall interrupted. Her face softened slightly. “But you are a champion duelist, and one or more of the girls behind this door is responsible for this abomination. I would prefer to have you nearby where we can keep an eye on you, but if necessary, I will have you confined to my office until your parents arrive.”

  


Hilda swallowed. “No. I’m sorry, Professor, I understand. You’re right. I-” Hilda shuddered and reached for her wand. She breathed harshly for a moment, and then twitched her head. “I think I should go to your office, Professor. I can hurt someone just fine without a wand.” Her voice broke. “And I really, really want to.”

  


McGonagall nodded, eyes soft. “Aye, I think that’s best then. I’ve called for Professor Abbott, she should be here momentarily. I think we can spare her to show you the way and keep you company.”

  


Hilda twitched her head again. “No, I’ll be f-fine. On my own. Professor Abbott should help, she’s the Defense teacher.”

  


McGonagall eyed her for a moment. “I think...that’s unwise, Ms. Greengrass. And these three will most likely need to wait in my office as well.”

  


Cindy sagged slightly in relief, and Stephanie put an arm around her shoulder. 

  


“Is there anyone you can think of you would like to wait with you?”

  


“Richard,” Hilda said after a moment. “Richard Garrow,” she clarified. “He’s in Gryffindor.”

  


McGonagall nodded. “One of my prefects. Very well, I’ll have him sent up.”

  


Professor Abbott came around the corner, with Professors Longbottom and Flitwick behind her. “Is it true?”

  


McGonagall winced. “What have you heard?”

  


“Only that a student was attacked.”

  


“It’s my sister,” Hilda said quietly. 

  


Professor Abbott went still. In a calm, neutral tone, she asked, “Hilda...do you still have your wand?”

  


Hilda nodded, face blank.

  


“Hilda, I need your wand.”

  


Hilda twitched. “I’m going to Professor McGonagall’s office to wait for my parents,” she said softly.

  


Professor Abbott held out her hand, voice level and low. “Your wand, Hilda.”

  


“Richard will be with me.”

  


“Hilda, would you let one of the other officers keep their wand right now? For any reason?”

  


Hilda swallowed and looked at the floor. “No,” she whispered. 

  


“If I remember correctly, you tackled Richard and took his away by force when he found those fourth years shoving that boy’s head in the lake, didn’t you? You stopped him from hurting anyone, and he thanked you for it later, even though he gave you a black eye at the time, isn’t that right?”

  


Hilda shrank in on herself. “Yes,” she whispered, even more softly. 

  


Professor Abbott stepped in close, lowering her voice. “I know it’s a comfort to be armed right now, but it’s a false comfort. Please, Hilda. Your wand.”

  


Hilda stood breathing deeply for a moment, and then closed her eyes and put her hands on her head. “It’s in my sheath, on my left thigh,” she whispered. 

  


Professor Abbott carefully pulled Hilda’s outer robe to one side and took the wand from the sheath. Hilda twitched violently when she felt the weight of it pass off her leg, but she kept breathing deeply and held herself still. Abbott passed it off to McGonagall without taking her eyes off Hilda. When McGonagall took it, Abbott let out a slow, shuddering breath. “Thank you, Hilda. I’ll take you to the headmistresses’ office now, ok?”

  


Hilda twitched her shoulders in a vague shrug, letting her arms fall down. Abbott placed a gentle hand on her arm and pulled her into motion, leading her away from the group. 

  


“Hannah,” McGonagall said softly. 

  


Abbott paused. 

  


“These three as well, please,” she said, nodding at the other three girls. 

  


Abbott nodded, and waved the girls along. They hurried after her, casting glances back at the Great Hall as the professors filed in. 

  


The walk to Professor McGonagall’s office was largely silent, Amiline bringing up the rear while Cindy and Stephanie clung to each other, walking along behind Abbott and Hilda. Hilda walked aimlessly, eyes down. If it hadn’t have been for Abbott’s hand on her arm, she probably would have walked into a wall. 

  


They came to a massive gargoyle set into an alcove and Abbott paused. “Fudge sundae,” she announced to the gargoyle. It began to rotate and revealed a staircase that went upwards like an escalator, and Stephanie smiled a little. 

  


Cindy looked at her oddly, and Stephanie gave a small shrug. “First normal thing I’ve seen since I got here.”

  


Amiline blinked and frowned as they followed Abbott and Hilda, the other two girls hesitating and almost tripping as they tried to get the timing right. “Muggles have staircases that go up by themselves?”

  


Stephanie nodded. “Escalators. Loads of them.”

  


“Huh.”

  


The staircase let them out into an anteroom with a few chairs scattered along the walls. From there, the only other door led into a cozy office. The walls were covered with paintings moving around and watching them, and where there weren’t paintings, the walls were lined with books, hundreds of them, a miniature library. There was a handful of weird devices sitting around, some ticking quietly to themselves, some moving in weird ways, but the overriding decor was books. Stephanie felt her insides unclench a little in the comforting, at least for her, environment, and she and Cindy squeezed into an overstuffed chair, pressed against each other. Amiline took an ottoman and curled up on it in front of them while Abbott led Hilda to a chair of her own near the fireplace. 

  


Abbott murmured a few words to Hilda who nodded back, staring at the floor. The professor stood up and started for the door. 

  


“Ma’am,” Amiline breathed, looking at Hilda, catching Abbott’s eye. She lowered her voice. “Why did everyone try to take her wand away? I mean, I wouldn’t want to be without mine right now. Is she really-”

  


Abbott sighed and leaned in, lowering her voice in return. “Ms. Hardesty, Ms. Greengrass is not allowed to seriously spar against anyone save for a handful of students on her own level, professors, and staff. She has been training for close to six years, the last three of those years three times a week against multiple opponents in games of ever increasing complexity. Were she to lose control, the only recourse would be to attempt to stun or disarm her multiple times until we succeeded or she calmed down.”

  


The girls’ mouths hung open as Abbott leaned closer, locking eyes with them each in turn. 

  


“While her dedication to her sport is admirable, in times of stress it means that her first duty to herself and others is to put down her wand. I trust,” she emphasized, “that her lapse of discipline will not become the gossip of the school.”

  


The girls shook their heads. 

  


She nodded. “Good. Now, Richard will be here shortly, and we’ve called her parents. We'll also be contacting your parents shortly.”

  


Stephanie’s heart leapt into her throat. 

  


“So just wait here.” She nodded at a set of five bowls laid out on a table. “The headmistress keeps candy here for students, so help yourself if you wish. But please, let Richard handle Hilda. Leave her be for now.”

  


They nodded and she slipped out after one last lingering glance at Hilda. 

  


For a few minutes, they were content to sit and just listen to the various ticks and clacks sound in the silence relative quiet around them. Cindy laid her head on Stephanie’s shoulder, and Stephanie put an arm around her, and rested her cheek on top of the other girl’s head. Amiline lay back against the arm of the chair, eyes closed, arms crossed. But after a few minutes, Stephanie felt movement next to her. She looked over to see Amiline fidgeting and glancing at the candy. Amiline glanced around and caught her eye. “What?” she asked softly. “It’s dinner time.”

  


Stephanie grinned, the tension inside her easing again for a moment. “You’re always hungry,” she teased, keeping her own voice low. 

  


Cindy’s voice came softly, but gamely, from beside her. “Think she’ll get stroppy if we don’t feed her?”

  


Amiline grinned and stood up. “Want any?”

  


Cindy shuddered. “N-no. I’d hate to throw up on the headmistresses carpet.”

  


Amiline winced and reached out to put a hand on Cindy’s shoulder in support. She looked at Stephanie inquiringly.

  


Stephanie thought about it for a moment. Her stomach was tight, but she didn’t feel in immediate danger of throwing up. And now that the adrenaline was wearing off, she was starting to feel a little lightheaded. She shrugged. “Um, chocolate if there is any?” 

  


Amiline nodded. She walked over to the candy bowls and grabbed a handful of one, before scooping up a couple from another bowl. She returned and handed Stephanie a pair of pentagonal boxes. “Here, frogs.”

  


Stephanie blinked. “They...are chocolate, right?”

  


Amiline snorted and took her seat on the ottoman.  She popped a jelly candy into her mouth and nodded. “But keep hold of them or they’ll get away.”

  


Stephanie frowned and carefully opened one of the boxes. Inside was a chocolate shaped, as promised, like a frog. She held it up to the light and then fumbled madly as it leapt from the box. She caught it, dropped it, and caught it again only to have it start wriggling out of her hand again, the chocolate rubbing off on her fingers making it even more slippery. She nearly dropped it again only for it to suddenly become inert, turning in an instant from a moving, squirming frog to a simple chocolate. She stared at it cautiously.

  


Cindy grinned at her. “Slippery, huh?”

  


Stephanie raised the chocolate hesitantly to her lips. “It’s, um, dead right? I mean, it’s not going to start moving around in my mouth?”

  


Cindy gulped and looked green suddenly. “No! Merlin, why would you think that?” She closed her eyes. “Are you going to eat it?”

  


Stephanie looked at it. “I kinda don’t want to anymore. Um, do you see a wastebin anywhere?”

  


Amiline rolled her eyes and stood up again. Stuffing a handful of jellies into her mouth she walked over to the desk and grabbed a little tin bucket with a few scraps of paper in it. She walked back over and held it out to Stephanie, who reached in and plucked out a sheet of parchment before dropping the mess of now vaguely frog shaped chocolate into it. She wiped her hands on the parchment and then returned it to the bin. 

  


Swallowing the jellies in her mouth, Amiline cocked an eyebrow and held out her hand. “Might as well give me the other one if you’re not going to eat it.”

  


Stephanie handed it back with a chagrined look. “Sorry,” she murmured. 

  


Amiline shrugged. “Your stomach,” she replied. “Want some jellies?”

  


Stephanie shook her head. The moving chocolate had put her right off. 

  


Amiline shrugged again and helped herself to another handful of jellies while putting away the other frog. 

  


The office door opened, revealing Richard. He glanced over at Hilda and then slipped over to the three of them. 

  


“How are you lot?” he asked quietly. 

  


Cindy shrugged without looking up. Stephanie squeezed her again, and murmured, “We’re a right sight better than Donna.”

  


Amiline nodded at the girl by the fire. “And better than Hilda.”

  


Richard winced. “Yeah. Look, if you need to talk, I’ll be happy to lend an ear. I’ve had a bit of bullying before. Or you can talk to your own prefects, Prothergill's a peach and Clemens...well, Clemens is a git, but she hates bullies, so she'll at least be sympathetic.”

  


Stephanie nodded mechanically, and pasted a smile on her face. “We’ll be fine.”

  


Richard sighed. “Right, then.” He took a couple of steps toward Hilda. “Look, they're going to get the girls who did this.” 

  


Cindy snorted. Stephanie pulled her a little closer and rubbed her arm gently. “I know they’ll do their best.” 

  


Richard winced again, started to say something, and then settled for a resigned nod. He turned and walked over to Hilda, going to one knee beside her. The girls heard him talking in a low tone, but they couldn't make out what was being said, and honestly, they didn't try all that hard.

  


Stephanie snuggled a little deeper into the chair, and closer to Cindy. Between the crackling of the fire, the low murmurs from Richard and Hilda, and the comforting closeness of her girlfriend, Stephanie found herself nodding off. She caught herself a few times, and then she was being gently shaken.

  


“Stephy. Stephy, sweetie, wake up.”

  


Stephanie jumped, eyes burning and sandy. She had a crick in her neck, and her arm was numb. She forced her eyes open blearily. “Mum?”

  


Mum blurred mostly into focus. She was wearing the tight smile she put on when she was worried but didn't want to show it. “Hey, sweetie,” she said softly. 

  


Stephanie started to sit up, only to blink and look down at realizing her arm was still pinned. Cindy was curled up next to her, laying back on her arm. She reached up with her free hand and tried to move the smaller girl enough to get her arm free without waking her. She almost succeeded, but Cindy awoke with a gasp, looking around wildly for a second, breathing hard. Stephanie immediately wrapped both arms around her and squeezed gently.

  


“We’re in McGonagall’s office,” she said softly.

  


Cindy blinked a couple of times and nodded, her breaths slowing. “Right. Thanks,” she whispered, reaching up to squeeze Stephanie’s arms.

  


Stephanie turned back to Mum, finding her looking at Cindy. Mum put out her hand where Cindy could see it. 

  


“Cindy, right?”

  


Cindy nodded, taking her hand nervously. “Yes, ma’am.”

  


Mum gave hand a gentle squeeze and smiled. “Nice to meet you.” The smile slipped off her face. “I would've preferred better circumstances.”

  


Cindy shivered. “Yeah, me too.”

  


“Mind if I borrow Stephy for a moment?”

  


Cindy shook her head. Stephanie gave a small peck on the cheek and then disentangled from her. She stood up and Mum led her over into a corner. She glanced back and saw a tall woman step up next to Cindy and realized for the first time that Mum wasn’t the only adult present. Professors Abbott and Bassenthwaite were here, talking softly to the headmistress and a wizard she didn’t know.

  


Mum pulled her into a hug. “Are you all right?” She asked softly.

  


Stephanie squeezed her back, nodding into her shoulder. “Yeah. Little scared, but I’m more worried about Donna.” She glanced over at Cindy, who was enfolded in a hug of her own, and added, “And Cindy.”

  


Mum pulled back and pushed Stephanie’s hair off her face, searching her eyes. “Do you want to come home? Go to another school?”

  


Stephanie shook her head without hesitation. “No. Even if it didn’t mean losing Cindy and Amiline, this is still the best school I’ve ever been to.”

  


“Ok,” Mum said softly. “That’s about what I thought you’d say. Your friend Amiline is in the outer office. You and Cindy go join her while I finish talking to the headmistress and your teachers.”

  


Stephanie nodded and hugged Mum again, then walked over to wait by the door for Cindy. The other hugged, Stephanie guessed, her own mum, and then walked over to join her, cheeks faintly pink. She took Stephanie’s hand without a word, and they slipped out to find Amiline waiting as promised. 

  


Amiline stood up, grinning at them. “Your mums thought you were adorable,” she said cheekily.

  


Cindy nodded, blushing a little more. “I know.”

  


“Well I didn’t,” Stephanie said as she felt her face heat up. 

  


“Yeah, they just stood there whispering about how cute you were for forever,” Amiline said, giggling. She cocked an eyebrow at Stephanie and added,”And Steph, your mum has this really tiny camera in her pocket, so-”

  


Stephanie covered her face. “Oh, Merlin, that’s probably going in the album.”

  


Cindy stared at her. “I thought your mum was a writer.”

  


“She is.”

  


“What’s she carrying around a camera for, then?”

  


“It’s called a cell phone. Pretty much all muggles have one,” Stephanie said. She sighed and looked up at her girlfriend. ”It’s like a wand for muggles.”

  


The other two girls stared at her. “Muggles have wands?” Amiline asked with surprise.

  


Stephanie grinned and shook her head. “No, I meant...well, yes, sort of, if you have the right apps. But more, everyone has one, like all wizards and witches have wands.”

  


Cindy blinked. “Huh. What-”

  


The door opened and Abbott stuck her head out. “Girls? In here please.”

  


They trooped into the office. The Headmistress sat behind her desk with Professor Bassenthwaite at her side. There was Cindy’s mum, the wizard, and Mum standing before her, and the three girls spread out to stand by their parents, though Cindy and Stephanie continued holding hands.

  


McGonagall cleared her throat. “First, my deepest apologies to you three young ladies. Hogwarts is supposed to be safe, and I assure you we will be watching closely to prevent any future incidents.”

  


“Professor Bassenthwaite,” she nodded at him, “will be adding a charm to your door that will require a password to get in, much like the doors to the dormitories themselves. You will be required to change the passwords at least once a week and make your head of house and prefects aware of the new password. That should ensure your safety in your own rooms.”

  


“As you may have guessed,” she went on, folding her hands, “your parents have not chosen to withdraw you at this time.”

  


There was a collective sigh of relief from the three of them.

  


She smiled slightly at that. “In further good news,we’ve caught one of the perpetrators, and she is being suspended for the rest of the school year.” 

  


Cindy shivered and squeezed Stephanie’s hand tightly as they caught the subtext. The Headmistress spelled it out in the next breath.

  


“Unfortunately, we are fairly certain that there were at least two, and as many as four attackers. The young lady who cast the Body Bind is insisting that she acted alone, and we cannot prove definitively that she did not.”

  


Stephanie could feel Cindy trembling. Wordlessly, she released her hand and stepped over to wrap her arms around the shaking girl.

  


McGonagall nodded at them, her face grim. “That unfortunately means that the three of you will have to be careful. Use the alert coins, don’t walk the halls alone, and let the prefects know where you’re going before you do.”

  


“Report everything,” she continued. At their widening eyes, the headmistress’ eyes flattened. “I don’t care if you feel that you’re tattling or snitching, if someone makes an unkind remark, make a note of it and pass it on to Professor Bassenthwaite or to a prefect. Remember, we’re still searching for the other attackers, and it will help us to know who is exhibiting cruel and homophobic behavior. Am I understood?”

  


They all three nodded. 

  


She nodded. “I hope so. Now, we will ask a favor of you three.”

  


Bassenthwaite stepped forward slightly. “I understand there’s some bad blood between you three and Ms. Greengrass, but-”

  


Amiline cleared her throat. He broke off and looked at her. “We’d already decided that if we can manage it, she’s not going anywhere alone anymore.”

  


He smiled gratefully. “Thank you. She may fight you.”

  


Amiline shrugged. “She doesn’t have to like us or talk to us, she just needs not to go wandering off without one of us to watch her.”

  


“Good,” McGonagall said quietly. “Finally, all four of you will be taking extra defense lessons three days a week.”

  


Cindy and Stephanie opened their mouths to protest, but the headmistress talked right over them. “Prof. Abbott has already made clear that this is not something you prefer, but in light of today’s events, I cannot in good conscience allow four girls to rely on one skilled wand,” she nodded at Amiline, “to protect them. You may choose to focus on defensive spells if you wish, but you  _ will _ learn to protect yourselves.”

  


Mum broke in softly, but there was steel in her tone. “And no slacking, young lady.”

  


The tall witch put a hand on Cindy’s shoulder. “Same for you,” she said quietly.

  


They glanced at each other helplessly, and mumbled their agreement. 

  


She nodded firmly. “Now, Professor Bassenthwaite will take you back to your room this evening, and show you how to change the password on the charm. And again, my apologies for this.”

  


Cindy shrugged and softly said, “You couldn’t have helped it. We didn’t think they’d go for Donna.”

  


A shadow of discomfort and anger colored McGonagall’s face for a moment before she schooled her features. “Perhaps,” she admitted softly. “But I believe we should be better than this.”

  


There was nothing to say to that, so they didn’t. McGonagall shook herself slightly, and looked at Bassenthwaite. “When you’re ready.”

  


As one, the three girls turned and hugged their parents. Mum stroked Stephanie’s back quietly for a few moments. “I love you,” she murmured.

  


Stephanie smiled. “Love you too.”

  


Mum pulled back, and Stephanie caught the look of worry in her eyes before she schooled her face into a smile. “See you for the hols.”

  


Stephanie nodded, smiling back. “See you, Mum.”

  


She turned and took Cindy’s hand, and they followed Professor Bassenthwaite back to their dorm.

  


~~~~~

  


Donna came back Sunday night. Over the weekend, they’d been shown how to use the charm on the door. Changing the password required all four of them to be in the room with the door closed, to wave their wands and say _ Versecretatio _ , then all of them had to say the old password at once, the door would glow blue, and then they all had to say the new password. 

  


Stephanie hadn’t heard the spell to actually create the password lock, but she was intensely curious. Charms were her best subject, and if there was a way to password protect her possessions, she wanted to know. She had taken out a book on protective charms and was combing through it when the door opened. 

  


They all looked up, Amiline with her wand in her hand. She wore a quick draw holster on her left arm, courtesy of her father, and the wand was in her hand before the door opened more than an inch. 

  


Hilda’s voice came through the crack in the door. “Don’t spell, it’s us.”

  


The girls felt the tension in the room rise. They’d tried to see Donna twice while she was in the infirmary, but Madam Pomfrey had turned them away, saying she was only seeing family. Nor had they spoken to Hilda, as when she wasn’t sleeping, eating, or in class, she was in the infirmary. And none of them felt like hanging around in the common room to wait and try to catch her.

  


The door swung open and Hilda stepped aside to let Donna in. She walked in with her head down, went straight to her bed, and curled up with her back to the headboard, knees to chest, and her arms around her knees. Hilda looked at her quietly for a moment, then softly said, “If you need anything…”

  


Donna nodded slightly, eyes on her knees. Hilda looked around at the other girls, then closed the door. The latch clicked and the door flashed blue, showing the password charm was once more active.

  


They all sat silently for a minute, unsure of what to say. Stephanie opened her mouth to take a stab at it, when Donna started in abruptly.

  


“I have nightmares now. If I start screaming, shake my foot until I stop, then leave me alone. If the noise isn’t loud enough to bother anyone, or if I’m just thrashing, leave me alone. I’ll have the curtains closed mostly, so it shouldn’t be a problem as long as I’m not screaming. Questions so far?”

  


Her voice had that same eerie calm tone that she’d had after the attack, and Stephanie shuddered slightly. She looked briefly at each of them just long enough to register their slight shakes to the negative, then went back to staring at her knees.

  


“I understand we have an extra class now. I am obviously thrilled by this,” she said, in that same flat tone. “I would hope we can continue to otherwise avoid each other as much as possible.”

  


“No,” Cindy said, her voice low, but firm. Donna flicked a glance at her and opened her mouth. Cindy started talking before she could break in. “I know you hate us. But we’re not letting you go anywhere alone anymore. We don’t want you to get hurt again.”

  


Donna’s mouth flattened into a line. “Do I get a say in this?”

  


They glanced at each other. “No,” Stephanie said quietly. “You don’t have to talk to us or anything, but until further notice, you’re not going to be out of sight of at least one of us.”

  


Donna rubbed her temples, compressing her lips til they turned white. “And if I refuse?”

  


Amiline sighed. “We’re not going to force you. We need you at least once a week to help us change the password, but if you really want to run away from us after, we’ll hang back.”

  


Stephanie and Cindy started to object, but Amiline spoke over them. 

  


“No, we will. It’s her choice.” She looked back at Donna. “But you'll be the prime target. They came after you the first time because you’re the only one of the four of us who can be caught alone. If you offer them that advantage again, they  _ will _ take you up on it.”

  


Donna glared at her briefly, and just shook her head. 

  


Amiline stood up and walked over, tucking her wand back into its sheath. “Donna, I’m not trying to scare you, but think about this for a second. Someone from  _ our own house _ did this. The only place we’re reasonably safe in in this room, and in class when the professor is looking at us. The bathrooms aren’t safe. The library isn’t safe. The halls aren’t safe. And the next time someone attacks, it will be pretty definitely public.”

  


Donna jerked sharply. 

  


“As much as I hate to say it, everyone’s heard about what happened. It wouldn’t take much for a copycat-”

  


“You’ve made your point, Hardesty,” Donna snapped, a little of her old acid back in her tone. She put her head in her hands, and her voice came out soft and muffled.  “And given me new nightmares, thanks ever so much.”

  


Amiline winced. “Sorry. Look, all we’re saying is stay where we can see you. Let us know when you want to go somewhere. Stay close to us.”

  


Donna sighed into her hands. “Fine. Just don’t talk to me unless it’s absolutely necessary.”

  


They all winced at that, but they nodded. “We’ll try to stay out of your space,” Stephanie said softly.

  


She wiped her face and nodded slightly. “Thanks. I’m going to bed.”

  


Cindy hesitated. “You sure? You’re going to miss dinner.”

  


Donna shrugged as she pulled her curtains closed on three sides. “I’m not hungry.”

  


They watched as she grabbed a nightgown out of her trunk and tossed it onto her bed. She crawled in and closed the final curtain. A few minutes later her hand came out and dropped her clothes on her trunk. The room was awkwardly quiet for the rest of the evening. 

  


That night, Stephanie jerked awake to the sound of screaming. She sat bolt upright in bed, and she could see Cindy and Amiline staring at Donna’s bed in horror. The scream trailed off into  whimpers and the sound of bed clothes thrashing. They waited, holding their breath, to see if she would do it again. Just as they were starting to relax, she did, a piercing shriek of unadulterated panic. 

  


Stephanie slipped out of bed and crossed the space to Donna’s. She took a deep breath and twitched the curtain aside slightly, hunting for a foot. She found one when it thrashed past her, grabbed it gently, and gave it a firm shake. The whimpering continued, so she gave it another, sharper shake. Donna jerked upright with a gasp and stared at her wildly for a second. Stephanie opened her mouth to say something, but the look on Donna’s face stopped her. She closed the curtain and went back to bed. 

  


A few minutes later, they heard sniffling from Donna’s bed. It was a while before they all got back to sleep, but Donna didn’t wake them again that night. 

  


The next day, they found themselves gathered around Donna’s bed, having an urgent whispered conversation. 

  


“We have to get her up,” Cindy insisted softly. 

  


“I know,” Amiline said, shaking her head. “But I don’t want her to be mad at us for touching her.”

  


Stephanie sighed, rubbing her eyes sleepily. “She’s usually up by now. It has to be the nightma-”

  


“You are all far less stealthy than you think.” Donna’s voice sounded rough, but it had a trace of the caustic tone they’d come to associate with Donna being ok. 

  


The curtain twitched open and Donna stared at them blearily. “Move back.” 

  


They stepped hurriedly away from the bed. She slid out and walked around to her trunk, sorting quickly through and locating a set of robes. She crawled back into her bed and closed the curtain again. 

  


“For the record, you can do the same thing you did last night. Just shake my foot,” Donna said flatly from behind the curtains.

  


Stephanie nodded, then realized she couldn’t see it. “We’ll, um, keep that in mind.”

  


“Please do. While I’m sorry to be a pain, I despise being late. Just wake me up when you get up if I’m not already, please.”

  


She jerked open the curtains and crawled out, dumping her nightgown into her trunk. She grabbed her book bag and shouldered it. After a moment of standing around, she raised an eyebrow. “Unless you’ve all miraculously become early risers, we are late.”

  


They jerked into motion, Amiline taking the lead. They tried to maneuver to put Donna in the middle with Cindy and Stephanie bringing up the rear, but she slid away from them, walking as far to the right of them as the wall would allow. Cindy watched her, a look of frustration on her face, and Stephanie gave her hand a squeeze. 

  


That set the pattern for the day. While Donna was near enough they could see her at all times, she stayed obviously separate from them. She spoke as little as possible, not just to them, but to everyone. The professors avoided calling on her, and she didn’t speak up. 

  


Added to that, now that they were back to classes, they had to endure the whispers of their housemates. No one was openly hostile, but they stared at Donna, or at Cindy and Stephanie’s joined hands. 

  


“I wish they’d stop staring,” Cindy whispered as they ate lunch. 

  


Stephenie nodded. “They’ll get bored soon,” she murmured back. 

  


Amiline leaned over. “Is this what it was like growing up for you two?”

  


They glanced at each other and then nodded together. “Including the lovely fear that we’re going to get jumped at any moment,” Cindy said softly.

  


Amiline chewed on her lower lip for a moment. “This is bollocks,” she said after a moment. 

  


Stephanie shrugged tiredly. “Yeah, but...at least that girl getting suspended seems to have backed them off.”

  


They all glanced over at Donna, who was eating mechanically, staring fixedly at her food. “I don’t think I’ve ever actually wished the bullies were louder,” Cindy said softly. “But considering what this ceasefire cost…”

  


Silence fell and sat heavily on them all the way to their next class. 

  


After classes ended, they headed for the extra class, since it would be Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays. As she had all day, Donna was walking far away from them. Halfway to class, Cindy glanced over and frowned. 

  


“Are you ok?”

  


Donna’s face tightened. “I’m fine.”

  


Cindy licked her lips. “It’s just, you’re walking a little funny.”

  


Donna glared at her for a moment, and then looked at the wall. “I have to go to the bathroom,” she said flatly, face flushing with embarrassment. 

  


They stumbled to a halt for a moment, and then Cindy pushed forward to take the lead. “This way. We’re not that far from one.”

  


Three hallways later, they came to the bathroom. Donna stood there for a second, and then stabbed a finger at Amiline. “I’d prefer it if you came in, if someone has to.”

  


Amiline nodded and accompanied her in. Cindy and Stephanie put their backs to the wall and drew their wands. They weren’t sure they could accomplish anything, but they wanted to be ready. 

“You don’t suppose,” Stephanie said softly, “that Donna choosing Amiline has anything to do with-”

  


Cindy shrugged. “Maybe. But she did warn us when people were talking.”

  


Stephanie sighed. “True. Sometimes I wonder if we’ll ever figure out what Donna’s thinking.”

  


“Probably not.”

  


Five minutes later Donna came back out, trailed by Amiline. They stood up and began walking back towards the classroom. Amiline looked over her shoulder. “You know, you can say something if you need-”

  


“Fine, yes, I’ll speak up in the future, can we not talk about it?”

  


Amiline shrugged. “Shutting up.”

  


They were almost to the classroom when Donna spoke up again, making them jump. “To be clear, I chose Amiline not because she’s straight, but because she’s the only one of the three of you who could actually defend me.”

  


Cindy smiled slightly. “Thanks for clearing that up.”

  


She nodded, not looking at them. 

  


Professor Abbott and Richard were waiting for them in the classroom. She nodded at them as they filed in. “Everything alright?”

  


Amiline nodded. “Yeah, just had to stop off at the loo.”

  


She smiled. “Ok. Now, Ms. Hardesty, you obviously know Shield Charms, Ms. Mallow, I understand you excel at charms in general, and Ms. Greengrass, you have a good grasp of  _ Rictumsempra _ , so you’ll partner up as follows: Ms. Mallow with Ms. Greengrass, and Ms. Hardesty with Ms. Halstrom.” 

  


Donna twitched, but nodded. Cindy opened her mouth, but Richard beat her to it. “Could you honestly spell your girlfriend without taking it easy?”

  


Cindy closed her mouth. 

  


“That’s what I thought. Partner up.”

  


They took opposite ends of the two dueling mats and set to learning Shield Charms. Stephanie got the basics down pretty quickly, but she had trouble following through since it deflected back at Donna, so about half the time the Tickling Charm made it through. She spent a lot of time gasping on her back.

  


Then when they switched, Donna ended up having to partner with Richard, because even though it was just tickling, Stephanie had further difficulty, since she was both unwilling to attack someone and uncertain of pushing Donna. After her fourth fizzled charm, Professor Abbott pulled her aside. 

  


“Talk to me, Ms. Mallow. Charms are your best subject.”

  


She blushed and looked down at her wand, turning it over in her hands. “I just...hate the idea of using magic to attack people.”

  


Professor Abbott stared at her thoughtfully. “Everyone take five. Richard, spot Ms. Mallow, please.”

  


The others broke off and Richard came to stand behind her. Professor Abbot walked to the other end of the dueling strip and turned to face her. “Ms. Mallow, I do this from a place of kindness. I’m going to show you what a Stunning Charm feels like.”

  


Stephanie gulped, and took up her stance. Professor Abbott called out, “ _ Stupefy!” _

  


A bolt of red light slammed into her. The feeling of electric bees swarming over her skin, prickling and stinging, blasted through her and she passed out. 

  


She came to with a groan, aching all over. “Ow.”

  


Professor Abbott helped her sit up. “That, Ms. Mallow, is what it feels like when you attack someone with magic. I think we can agree that it feels  _ very _ different.”

  


Stephanie nodded, reaching up to rub her head. “Yeah.”

  


“The point of using Tickling or Dancing Charms is to avoid having to use more serious spells like  _ Stupefy _ . We will try to teach you stunning, but if you want to be able to do without knowing it, you need to know simple disabling charms first.”

  


Stephanie sighed. “I don’t want to learn any of it,” she admitted. She looked up Professor Abbott’s raised eyebrow and put up her hands in a gesture of acquiescence. “I know I have to. And I’ll keep learning it. I just don’t like it.”

  


Where Stephanie struggled, Cindy and Donna made great progress. Donna managed  _ Protego _ four times out of five, and she was already decent at  _ Rictumsempra _ . Cindy surprised them all, getting a solid grip on Shield Charms, so that after the first few shots getting through, she consistently blocked Amiline’s spells. She managed a decent  _ Rictumsempra _ , sending Amiline over into fits of helpless laughter three times. 

  


So at the end of the hour, Stephanie was feeling a little frustrated. Cindy came over and hugged her gently after Professor Abbott and Richard left. “You’ll get it. You’re  _ good  _ at charms.”

  


“I know. I know I can do it, I just-”

  


“Don’t want to, yeah,” Amiline said. She ran her hands through her hair. “I’m just not sure how we can-”

  


“ _ Rictumsempra _ !”

  


Cindy stiffened and went over in a shaking, gasping heap in Stephanie’s arms. Amiline shot forward and did the counter spell, then glared at Donna. “What the hell are you playing at?”

  


Donna leveled her wand at them. “You’re thinking of this wrong, Mallow. Your goal isn’t to defend yourself. It’s to defend  _ her _ .”

  


“That was still bloody unacceptable! You can’t just spell someone in the back-”

  


Donna snorted. “Oh, yes, because the bullies will walk up to us and politely allow us to take a good stance before they blast us.”

  


Cindy sat up, still twitching a little. “W-Wait.”

  


Stephanie and Amiline looked at her. She swallowed a couple of times and got her breath back. “Two questions: what are you suggesting, and why do you care if Steph can do the spells?” 

  


Donna cocked her head. “I care because, Merlin forbid, she may be the last line of defense between me and a bully someday. I’m suggesting that she try to take me down to stop me spelling you.”

  


Stephanie’s heart leapt into her throat. “What-”

  


Cindy blew out a breath and stood up. “Do it. Amiline, would you catch me?”

  


Amiline’s mouth set into a grim line, but she stepped around behind Cindy.

  


Stephanie rounded on her. “Cindy this is craz-”

  


_ “Rictumsempra!” _

  


Cindy folded in on herself. 

  


Stephanie whirled back to Donna as Amiline cast the counterspell. “I wasn’t ready!”

  


Donna shrugged. “At this rate, you never will be.  _ Rictumsempra! _ ”

  


She jumped as she heard Cindy start gasping for air again. “Stop it!”

  


“If you want to stop me, stop me.  _ Rictumsempra!” _

  


She vibrated in place and then desperately stabbed her wand at the other girl. “ _ Rictumsempra! _ ”

  


“ _ Protego!  _ Wrong motion.  _ Rictumsempra!” _

  


She let out a shout of frustration as Cindy’s breathing became labored from the constant tickling. “You’re hurting her!”

  


“Yes, I am. Now imagine if I was throwing stunning charms.  _ Rictumsempra! _ ”

  


Stephanie began to panic. “ _ R-Rictumsempra! _ “

  


“ _ Protego!  _ Better, that almost got through.  _ Rictumsempra! _ ”

  


Stephanie spun and saw Cindy twitching, her face a rictus of discomfort and lack of air. Suddenly her panic levelled out and she felt...cold. She turned calmly back to Donna, eyes glittering with anger.

  


“ _ Rictumsempra! _ ”

  


“ _ Protego! Rictum-” _

  


_ “Rictumsempra!” _

  


“ _ Protego! Rict-” _

  


_ “Rictumsempra!” _

  


“ _ Protego! Ri-” _

  


_ “Rictumsempra!” _

  


“ _ Protego!” _

  


_ “Rictumsempra!” _

  


“ _ Prot-” _

  


Stephanie felt a wave of icy fury wash over her. “ _ Stupefy!” _

  


Donna’s eyes shot wide as a bolt of red light slammed into her so hard she flew backward three feet before tumbling to the ground.

  


Stephanie froze, hand shooting to her mouth. The room was silent for a long moment except for the sound of Cindy gasping for air, then Amiline shot past her to check on Donna. 

  


“She’s ok,” Amiline reported with a sigh of relief. “Although I think she’s going to be pretty angry when she wakes up.”

  


Stephanie shuddered and walked over to kneel down next to Cindy. “Are you ok?”

  


Cindy lay on her back, fighting to catch her breath. She nodded, staring at the ceiling. “Why’d...you...stun...her?”

  


Stephanie reached out and stroked her hair. “She was hurting you, and...I just got so angry.”

  


Cindy grinned and took her hand. “So it...worked, but...let’s not...do that...again.”

  


“Yeah, let’s not,” Stephanie said, shuddering again. 

  


There was a groan from the other side of the room. Cindy pushed up on her elbows, and they looked over as Amiline started to help Donna up.

  


“Don’t touch me,” she snapped, her voice a little shaky. 

  


Amiline jerked her hands back. “Sorry.”

  


She struggled to a sitting position and put her head in her hands. 

  


“Sorry for-” Stephanie started in.

  


“Oh, shut it. Getting you angry was the point, Mallow,” Donna bit out. The other three girls relaxed slightly at hearing her usual acerbic tone. “But I fully expect a free shot the moment I learn that charm.”

  


Stephanie nodded. “Deal. We should get you checked over by Madam Hinze.”

  


Donna groaned. “In a minute. I’m not sure i can walk straight yet.”

  


Cindy cocked her head, “We could help-”

  


“Not if it means touching me you won’t,” she said shortly.

  


“I could hover you,” Stephanie offered.

  


Donna went still. “Fine, but if you drop me, I get two free shots.”

  


Stephanie grinned. “That’s fair.” She stood up and levelled her wand. “ _ Wingardium Leviosa. _ ”

  


Donna floated up into air. She flailed for a second, and then crossed her arms tightly and put her head down with her eyes closed. “In your own time, then.”

  


They drew a few stares as they walked the corridors with Donna floating along like a sour balloon, but they made it to the Infirmary without stopping or having to put her down. Amiline opened the door and they walked in in a little huddle, Donna floating behind.

  


“Madam Hinze?” Amiline called.

  


The witch in question poked her head out of her office and gasped. She rushed over, drawing her wand and taking over hovering Donna on the move. “I’ve got her. What happened?”

  


There was a moment of silence, and then Donna said, “We were trying some unconventional training methods and Mallow got over excited.”

  


Madam Hinze frowned, but they could see the tension lessen in her shoulders. She floated Donna over to an examination table. “How over enthusiastic?”

  


Stephanie shuffled her feet. “I, um, stunned her hard enough to throw her backwards about three feet.”

  


Madam Hinze stopped and blinked at her. “I assume this was related to your new class, but unsupervised?”

  


They all nodded together. Madam Hinze sighed. “One moment.”

  


She stepped into her office for a few seconds, then came back out and began casting diagnostics over Donna. “Professor Abbott should be here shortly.”

  


Five minutes later, after Madam Hinze had declared no real harm and given Donna a potion the help ease the lingering discomfort, Professor Abbott walked in with Richard and Hilda in tow. She walked up to them and stopped, staring at them blankly, while Hilda stepped around her to stand next to Donna.

  


“Don’t everyone explain at once,” she said flatly.

  


Cindy cleared her throat. “Donna thought-”

  


“Kindly let me speak for myself.”

  


Cindy’s mouth snapped shut, and she made a “go ahead” gesture.

  


“It occurred to me that Mallow lacked incentive to perform. I suggested that I attack Halstrom instead of Mallow herself.”

  


Professor Abbott stared at her, and then looked at Cindy with a raised eyebrow. “And you agreed to this.”

  


Cindy flushed and looked at the ground. “It seemed like a good plan.”

  


“And at what point did you stun her, Ms. Mallow?”

  


Stephanie shivered at the memory of Cindy’s face contorted and gasping for air. “Cindy was starting to have trouble breathing and I...I got really mad because I couldn’t hit her with a Tickling Charm, and...I lost my temper.”

  


Professor Abbott nodded slowly. “Ms. Greengrass, take 25 points for unconventional thinking. Another 25 to you, Ms. Halstrom, for courage. Ms. Mallow, would you step over there and try and stun me, please?”

  


She nodded and stepped away from the bed over into the aisle. She waited for Professor Abbot to get in her stance, pictured Cindy writhing on the ground, and snapped her wand out smartly, shouting, “ _ Stupefy!” _

  


Professor Abbott neatly deflected the charm, and stared at her calmly. “Tickling Charm, please.”

  


She nodded. “ _ Rictumsempra!” _

  


Professor Abbott let that one through and staggered, shaking all over for a moment before waving her wand. “I see.  _ Protego?” _

  


Stephanie swallowed. “Um, I can try?”

  


Professor Abbott nodded. “Very well.  _ Rictumsempra!” _

  


_ “Protego!” _ Stephanie barked. She jerked backward as the charm shattered through her shield and sent her to her knees in with a grimace. 

Professor Abbott cast the counterspell, and nodded. “Still some progress to be made. But have ten points for uncommonly quick learning.”

  


She tucked her wand away and glared at them all in turn. “And then five points from each of you for being foolish enough that a girl had to go to the infirmary. The next time you get a bright idea, mention it  _ during _ class. Understood?”

  


They all nodded. Stephanie raised her hand. 

  


“We’re not in class, Ms. Mallow. What is it?”

  


“I, ah, sort of promised Donna could use me for target practice once she learnt stunning.”

  


She coughed sharply and cleared her throat. “An excellent idea, Ms. Mallow. When we come to stunning, you’re the designated punching bag, since you’ve got the hang of it already.”

  


Stephanie blanched. “Um. Yes, ma’am.”

  
“Now  _ there’s _ an incentive,” Donna said with an evil little smile. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the last 6k of this pretty much wrote itself over a couple of days. I'm going to sit downand actually plan out the rest of her first year, and try and come up with enough plot that I can hopefully finish the series.
> 
> That being said, I am horribly inconsistent and low on spoons most days, so...hope for the best, but...
> 
> Comments power my soul. Please feed the author.


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